Re have lost both parents within 4 years, my dad just recently.
My Mom passed Mar 2, 2006. She had been diagnosed with cancer the year before and within 9 months was gone. My Dad passed June 2, 2010. I feel like I barely got used to Mom being gone before Dad got sick and started declining. Although he was declining for awhile (Alzheimers) his death was unexpected. One day I got a phone call saying he had a stroke and 3 weeks later he was gone. It took me by surprise. Now I find 2 months later
that I am not coping very well. However everyone else seems to have moved on.
1) One question I have is about sleeping. I don't sleep well and have not since Dad got sick. How long does this last? Is there anything I can do about this. I have a teenager at home who seems to like coming in and out at all hours and feels that my problem sleeping is my problem not hers. Perhaps she is right - any suggestions.
2) I have had a lot (a lot!) of people suggest to me, in different ways that I should just be over this. He had been sick for awhile, I should apparently have expected that he would die, and certainly I should not be feeling any grief now. Or if I am I should just put on my big girl pants and get over it. I stopped talking to anyone about this cause I am tired of hearing that I should be past this, or should be happy he is at peace, or should be happy because my life could be a lot worse.I guess all of these things are true. I just don't find them helpful right now. How should I be dealing with this? Are there methods for self healing? I am over 50! and am tired of being made to feel like a baby because I am grieving my father (and mother) - I don't think I am that needy, I mean the day my dad died ( I got the call at 5.13 a.m.) I got up as usual and went to work because there was no one to cover the office and then I came home and cooked supper and did the laundry the same as any other day.
3) We have had a complete family breakdown since the funeral. With my sister only wanting to deal with my brother and I thru the lawyers. Anyone else been thru this? My friend thinks she is doing this to get attention. Hubby thinks it won't last and she will be calling again in a couple of months. I can't get anyone to understand this is for real. She has gone thru periods of not speaking before but this is the first time she has officially announced thru a family friend that she wants no more contact. Its like a further loss. Any ideas how to cope or deal with this?
4) I have mood swings during the day. They don't really seem to be related to anything in particular. I will be fine and then all of sudden feel horribly sad and lonely for a couple of hours. I seem to be ultra sensitive to any slight or harsh comment. Most of the time (except for the not sleeping and the mood swings) I seem to be normal, so I don't think I am depressed. Is this normal?How long will this go on for?
Everything seems so different from when my mom passed. When mom died it was like my grief was acceptable because she was young (in her early 70's) and she was very dramatically ill. Some of the things people are saying about my dad, they never said when my mom died. And I feel differently too. Its not the same dramatic grief - I cried a lot when my mom died. Now I just soldier on every day like a little trooper, I feel like crap but I can't seem to let it out.
