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broken inside

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About broken inside

  • Birthday 09/16/1963

Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    May 21, 2010 / June 5, 2010
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Mississauga, ON CA
  • Interests
    Designing and being creative in any way, hockey, continuing to enjoy and cherish my time with the love of my life... my son, Aaron.
  1. Hi Tracy, First I want to say, I'm sorry for the loss of your Dad. It seems your grieving process is mimicking your relationship with your family. When your dad passed you went back to school and continued on with life as it was, now you have an extended family wanting to share your memories of your dad and again you are independent of your immediate family. They say we are only given what we can handle and I think that at the time of your dad's passing you weren't denied the opportunity to grieve with your family but given the chance to continue with your studies and grieve at a time that was appropriate for YOU. Your extended family coming into your life is giving you the opportunity to start your grieving process while allowing your new family the opportunity to get to know your dad at the same time. You WILL catch up to your immediate family and then you will be able to share with them the celebration of your dad's life together. I feel like EVERY DAY I experience delayed grief. My mom passed on May 21, 2010 in New Brunswick, Canada. I live in Ontario and it's easy for me to just think that mom is at home and we are just long overdue for our phone calls, THEN it hits me when something new, sad, happy, or scary happens and she's not there for me to call and share it with. Reality hits and it seems like my mom has passed once again. I spent three months with my mom last summer at her home while she went through treatment for lung cancer and having MS at the same time. My son, younger brother (from Vancouver), and myself had a fabulous early Christmas with mom and then she had excellent results in February from her follow up CT. Suddenly she started to suffer from extreme fatigue and weakness in April and then became extremely malnourished and was hospitalized. I was planning my flight to New Brunswick when I got a call that they discovered a spot on mom's liver and the CT results showed the cancer was back and everywhere. I immediately moved my flight up to that night hearing it wasn't going to be long and my brother booked a flight too. Mom seemed to improve while we were there and I knew she was holding on until we left. After two weeks for my brother and three for me, I made the hardest decision of my life to return home. Mom passed three days later. She didn't want a funeral, a memorial, and wanted to be cremated. There was no ceremony of closure, my younger brother is across the country, I have an estranged older brother, my father passed away two years ago from lung cancer, my golden retriever passed away two weeks after my mom, and my 21 yr old son is quiet and continuing with his life. Then there's me, like you, I'm an extremely strong person and my friends think I'm fine. I'm lonely, scared, afraid to feel ANYTHING in case I have a nervous breakdown, and I'm completely broken inside. I cry constantly with the weekly reality check and mom won't be call on Saturday and it's JUST ME! There is no one to grieve with. Mom was my back up and it's now up to me to do it on my own. Every week that goes by I stuff my emotions into a coffee can because all of mom's friends and what is left of my family is grieving on their own. Is it real? I guess I'll find out next Saturday Val aka broken inside
  2. Wow, my first post and already I have a typo!

    I hope to be of any support I can :)

  3. Hi Jennifer, thank you for being my friend. I'm so sorry for your loss and hope to be of support I can.

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