I lost my son on March 20th 2006. He had bone cancer for 21/2 years but he died from an accidental overdose of pain meds. He was 18 years old and my youngest son of 3. My other sons are married and have children. Josh was my life. He died in the ER looking me in the eyes while CPR was being performed on him. I can't get that vision out of my head. I tried to take my own life and failed, a nervous breakdown is what the doctors called it. I promised my other sons I wouldn't do that again but I have no desire for life any more. I can't imagine ever being happy again. Josh's Dad and I have been seperated for quite some time, it appears to me that he too has given up on anything other than merely existing. Josh was a wonderful person, he never had a spanking or punishment of any kind, he never needed one, a stern voice was all it took for him and would break his heart. He would do anything for anyone, even if he didn't actually like the person. He believed strongly in God and never once was angry with God for what was happening to him. I, on the other hand, still ask WHY? WHY? WHY? I begged God to take me instead, to let my son have life. I just sit and wait now, for my time to come. I long to hold him in my arms again. I've been through inpatient counsiling, lots of meds, prayer, nothing helps, so I just wait. [attachmentid=34]
