fateful

I was involved in an automobile accident where I walked away..but my friend died. We were only inches apart. Weeks before is when we became friends. I hardly knew her but she was struggling to raise her children as a single mother and I could soo relate. I , too, had been a single mother and struggled for many years. I told her that if I can do it, she can too!! Keep fighting and you'll get there, I told her. She believed every word I told her. She told people she really liked me and hoped that we would become closer friends. I saw her several times over the weeks before she died. I told her she was worthy of love and not to ever give up on finding true love. She always talked down on herself all the time. I told her if she did that again, I wouldn't listen. Everyone deserves a second chance, or maybe even a third or fourth. But as long as you are still breathing...there is always that chance to have evrything you ever wanted. Our friendship then ended.. she died in the automobile accident. I was with her in her last seconds. We were laughing having a great time...and then it was over. The thing that is devastating to me is ...the person who was driving that automobile was me. Life is not the same for me anymore. I cant get past it. I know it was for a reason but that was a rotten thing for the universe to do to us!! I cursed God for keeping me here!! I wanted to go with honors like Leuitenant Dan in the movie "Forest Gump". But NO..I have to stay alive. My friends and family are soo happy I am still here..but I am not. I have a wonderful husband , children and grandchildren who love and adore me. I just cant find the joy anymore. Every day gets better..but life will never be the same for me ever again.

I know exactly how you feel!! Everything is reversed. I loved music and the more people around me the better I felt! Not the case anymore. Not even happy to be here. I would never do anything crazy but what is this all for? Was I living a dillusional life before and THIS is the real thing?? I see people going about their day and for what? I have wonderful children, husband, friends, but I am just floating around. As if I DID die. It sucks. I don't feel the one that has passed on is long gone. They had a purpose in our lives..to head to something bigger, better, more inspiring, to run to, to feel good about...just wish it would hurry up and get here cuz sadness sucks

Sorry to hear about your friend. But your friendship with him was much more than just a few crappy words.Trust me, he knew you were upset but I know he didnt hold it against you! I was in an accident with my friend. I lived and she died. My daughter sent me a crappy text the day of the accident and she was so thankful that she didn't have to live with those last words to me. I never gave those words a second thought, I knew she was just having a bad day. Our relationship meant something because it was filled with soo much more. A few crappy words didnt change that! I was so surprised that she was feeling so bad about it because those things she said to me meant nothing. It didnt reflect what was true..the love we have for each other. Remember that. It holds the same for you and your dear friend!