lizz

Dear Mary, I just joined this club July 21. Our wedding anniversary is coming up in Sept as well as his 53rd birthday. Double whammy. I approach these firsts with great trepidation. I will remember you today in my thoughts and prayers. {{{HUGS}}} Lizz

Thanks Karen, I was reluctant to join a forum as I am somewhat of a private person. But since I have suffered from depression in the past I know that if ever there was a time I needed to reach out to others it is now. I've also decided to join a support group. This is so hard.

My partner and husband for 30 years died suddenly of a heart attack on July 21. I was at the gym teaching my yoga class unaware that he was in an ambulance headed for the ER. The first few weeks were surreal. I felt detached from myself and the world around me. This week as the calls diminish and the friends and family return to their own lives the pain is setting in. I picked up his death certificates yesterday and it hurt so bad I thought I too would surely have a heart attack. My mind keeps going back to the weekend before his death. We went to see the new movie with Leo Dicaprio called "Inception". It was a bizzare movie about dreaming. I'm now in something worse than than the scariest bad dream and I'm falling and falling. I'm waiting for the "the kick" that will snap me out of it and wake me up. Wake up feeling normal and my main squeeze coming home to dinner at the end of the day...