Hi everyone im new. I lost stevie june 18, 2010, a couple months ago. I too feel the guilt. Stevie was diagnosed with liver cancer in 2005 actually got a liver transplant in 2006. The cancer came back a year and a half ago, it was liver cancer that came back in his lung not his new liver. So as u can imagine it was a roller coaster ride. He fought so hard to live and was such a strong person. Everything is still raw right now with me. I lost my whole family 2 brothers and my mom and dad before i even met stevie 14 years ago so he was really my whole world. We have no children and i have no family but i am blessed with some really good friends that have been very supportive as right now my body is really broke down (sciatica back problems etc) i didnt take care of myself as i should have the past 5 years i have focused all energy on him. Anyway the guilt thing man i know how that feels. I keep going over every thing i did or said wrong or wondered if i should have done this or that different etc. Its such a long story. I was his only caretaker and also held down a full time job. i feel very traumatized right now and this stressful situation had been going on for so long. I remember the wrong things i said or did but i must try to remember that i did everything that i was capable of doing for him at the time. I think we must remember if it was the other way around if we were the ones they were taking care of would we want them to keep suffering and going over and over in their minds the times that they thought or knew they had lost their temper or said the wrong thing or could have changed the outcome someway? No i wouldnt wish that for him i would want him to forgive himself and realize that he did the best he could under the circumstances and to let it go and forgive himself for whatever injustice he thought he did in his mind. Im glad i found this site. I know i really need the support and understanding right now.
Thanks,
Faith