Gloria1

Thanks for the comments and support. It's nice to not feel as alone. My friends and mom try to understand, but they do not. I do talk to him when I look at his picture. I've apologized a million times about all the hurt words. I like the idea of the letters or the journals. My daughter talks to him too. She says he's her guardian angel and she says things like "he's here with me, just invisible". When she is upset she says it's just not fair. I agree and hug her. It's not fair. He was only 39. Other times she doesn't want to talk because it will make her too sad. He died at home, which is a blessing and a curse. We have a split-level house and he was downstairs. That is where the hospital bed was. My daughter seldom goes down there. Still too hard. I wish I would have told him I loved him more and fought less. I hope this gets easier soon. Thanks for listening. Gloria

This is my first post. I lost my husband 3 months ago to cancer. It still doesn't seem real. I'm fine during the day but it's worse at home. My daugher is 9 and she was a Daddy's girl. However, she seems to be doing better than me. The worst thing is the regrets. We had a lot of ups and downs. He kept smoking during the chemo. I was sooo angry and scared. We argued about it a lot. He stayed in denial. He was still doing better, the cancer wasn't growing and then he was sick and gone in a few days. I'm past the anger, now just sad. We didn't get that time to say goodbye, even though we knew it was coming. I never realized how much I would miss him. I've always been very independent. I never realized how much I depended on him. I miss him every minute. Thanks for listening.