Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Patrick W

Members
  • Posts

    1
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by Patrick W

  1. Thank you so much to those who have posted, it's nice to not be alone in this. My story is similar in many respects. I lost my Mom on August 12th. She was 79. She overcame other major health issues in the past victoriously, such as open-heart surgery and early detection and removal of other types of cancer. This was not the case this time around. The symptoms didn't start until late May, and after a month of worsening symptoms such as back and leg pain, an MRI found lung and spinal tumors. After an operation was performed to shrink the tumor, stage 4 small-cell lung cancer was diagnosed. When offered chemo by the oncologist, my Mom turned it down, citing her age, stage of cancer, and the fact that she was a nurse for 50 years and saw what it did to patients. My family and I got her admitted to hospice care soon after, and then hospice-supervised care at a skilled nursing facility. On August 10th, the hospice told me the cancer had metastasized to her brain, and that she would live maybe 2 or 3 more weeks. So much for that; it was two days later she passed away. About a year ago, she arranged to have her body donated to medical research. This is happening right now, and will be until October, when cremation will occur. Unfortunately, my Mom smoked for many years, which is almost certainly the culprit in her developing lung cancer. She told me that she quit eight years ago, but I caught her smoking since then, as did her neighbors. She frankly discussed this during her last month of life. I wish I would have done more to convince her to really quit for good. But enough with the "if only's." My Mom was loved so much by so many people. For her last 20 years, she dedicated much of her nursing and life work to helping people recover from drug and alcohol addictions. She was very active and loved life, so it was really hard to see her in a hospital bed motionless, in pain (though greatly reduced in hospice care), and unable to take care of herself. My Mom's death has been hard for everyone who knew and loved her, but I was perhaps hit the hardest, considering that: (1) I was the youngest of four, (2) I'm the only relative who living in the area (20 minutes away), (3) I already lost my Dad 22 years ago, and (4) I was very close to her, partially because of (3). In other words, I'm at "grief ground zero." Through this, I've received good assistance and support from family, friends (both mine and my Mom's), and co-workers, and have stayed busy with work. I also attended anticipatory and bereavement grief counseling for a total of five sessions so far. Despite these steps forward, there will still be more steps back, and it has still been very difficult to take care of business on behalf of my Mom, both before and after her death. Because of this, when she was alive, it was the constant reminder that she was seriously ill, and since she passed, the constant reminder that she is no longer with us. I decided, with my family's input, to celebrate her life in a memorial service on November 17th, the day she would have reached her 80th birthday. The service could have been sooner, but because of her anatomical donation, and her birthday, it seemed like a good idea. I know my Mom is watching over all of us. She would be saying to us now, as she did when she was alive, that she wouldn't want us to dwell too much in her passing and to just remember the good times with her. My heart goes out to all of you. Peace.
×
×
  • Create New...