Imissyoumommajo

Hello. I am hoping that sharing my mom's story will help me move along in the grieving process. It has been 7 months today. Mom was diagnosed with cervical cancer on Oct. 26th, 2009. She had never really been sick in her life. Nine days later we found out that it was stage 4 throughout her entire body. It came as a huge shock to us all. I had just had my first child on Oct. 21, 2009. Needless to say that I was a mess. Mom was here with us for less than 4 months after that. She was one of the most giving people I will ever know. She also loved her children more than we will ever know. She was the best grandma as well. She loved all of her grandchildren. I was the last of her children to have children. I got to spend some time with her while I was on maternity leave with my son. She held him and feed him...and loved on him when she had the strength. It was one of the hardest things to watch. She was the strongest woman I know and to see her so weak was scary. I was there when she took her last breath. Here recently I keep having flash backs of when she first called me on Oct. 26th to say she has cancer. I remember getting the phone call from my younger sister on Nov. 9th that it was stage 4 and then when she decided she no longer wanted treatment. It was so hard to hear her say that. It was only 2 weeks later that she was gone. Now my son is getting so big. He is walking and learning so fast. It is wonderful as his mother to watch him but sad b/c I know my mom is not here to see it. She was so excited for him to finally arrive. I know that my story kinda jumps...it's still hard to put everything into words. She hard to believe she is gone. I miss you momma Jo!

I can relate to feeling that your mom was too young to pass away. My mom was only 56. She also passed away from cancer. I am not as close to the 1 year mark as you are. I am sorry for your loss. I know that words can't make the pain go away. One thing that helps me at times is writing my mom letters. I have a journal I tell her about everything going on. I express how much I miss her and how unfair it is that she is gone. Maybe you already do write to her. Sending happy memories your way.

I have been feeling especially emotional today. This whole week for that matter. Everything makes me want to cry...things that have absolutely nothing to do with my mother and my eyes tear up. I feel like I just want to go away for awhile. I feel like I'm going crazy. I have been very moody...it's not fair to my husband and son. If it is the whole 9/11 thing...that would have to be subconscious for me. I haven't really been thinking about that at all. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for all of us.

I think that it doesn't matter how young or old your parent is. They are the one constant in your life from the very beginning. They love you regardless. They are always in your corner. They know you better than anyone else. Losing my mother has been the hardest thing I have ever experienced. I still pretty young and I am sure I much more in life to endure. My mom had just turned 56 on Feb 3rd and passed away on Feb 13, 2010. At times I feel the pain is bearable then it hits me like a brick. Lately I have been hit the worst it seems. I keep having flash backs of the day she called to tell me that she has cancer. The day I found out it was stage 4 spread throughout her body and then watching her take her last breath not even 4 months later. To add to all of it...I had just given birth to my first child 6 days before I found out mom had cancer. She was supposed to be here for him. She was supposed to live forever. So one the of happiest times in my life will forever be clouded with the loss of my mother. My son is getting so big now and that is what kills me the most. Mom is not here to love on him like she was able to with all of my sister's children. He will never know the love of my mother. I know that I can tell him about her and he can grow up longing to meet her like I did with my mom's dad. I feel for all of you who have lost your mother. All I can do now is pray that my son doesn't have to experience any of this for a very very long time.