Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

lonely4barb

Contributor
  • Posts

    11
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by lonely4barb

  1. Bless your heart, Kath. Even with counseling from the best in town, I still beat myself up over things I said to Barb in anger when I was not really upset at her, maybe something had gone wrong I was doing. The times I wish I had back to say I love you, hold her, kiss her. Now I can't. I would do it totally different and better if given another chance. I would tell her I love her every 5 minutes, kiss her more. But I know she awaits me in Heaven with the Lord, and all is forgiven once they arrive there. I'm with you all the way, Marion. This living alone is not living at all. I have God, know He loves me, but not having your soul mate, your other half, someone you can see, touch and hear, it's a long drawn out nightmare.
  2. You did fine, Mariono. That is wonderful! I think that is the way they would want us to do it, not be sad for them. I know it is so hard to not feel sad and cry. I'm doing better, but I still have tears for my Barb. A lot of firsts coming, mainly when she fell ill to lupus and the holidays. But I am glad you had that fine tribute and celebration of life for your husband. He was looking down and smiling I'm sure.
  3. Hello Cheryl & Kay. You're sure welcome for the pictures, Cheryl. I am sorry that grief also keeps rebounding on you too. I've learned to not put a time when it is gone. I don't know when it will be. Being able to come here has definitely helped me so much. Thanks about her smile, Kay. That smile is a reflection of a true loving and caring heart, and of a person very much in love with the Lord. Barb spoiled me with oceans of love and made not just birthdays and holidays special, but every day she was with me extra special. Thank you both for very comforting words. In some ways, it seems like forever since she went home, in others, it's just like yesterday. God bless
  4. Ohhh, I have never heard that put that way! Even my grief counselor has never said it like that! That is so very true, Carol Ann! I may even print that off! Thanks so much for putting it that way. A strange thing, a while back, I felt like I was coming out of grief, doing pretty good, but the last few weeks, plus a vivid dream I had about Barb, I've really had the return of those big waves again. Well, it's not a year yet, so I guess that is to be expected. I hope I typed that right. It was behind the control panel for the post. Thanks and many blessings to you as well.
  5. You are welcome, Carol Ann. Sorry I'm not too "together" today. Thanks again.
  6. Thanks, Carol Ann. I hope no one minds these pictures. Here is the last one made of Barb one year ago tonight (Sept. 13th, 2009) It was our last out of town trip together. A young lady had driven us both to Dallas for my Dr. appoinment. I"ve been crying my heart out today.
  7. Hello Carol Ann, and thanks so much, for a very nice welcome and for your kinds words of sympathy. I am so very sorry for your loss as well. It truly is sad that loss and pain brought all of us here, but we are here for each other! I just got to looking around for a grief forum, and found this one. It sure is nice. I don't know why I hadn't done that before now. So many others on other sites and in email ahd been helping me through grief, just nevver thought to look. I'm a bit confused as to the post functions being in the middle of the post area, but I will learn all the bells and whistles soon. You're so welcome about my sharing and thanks again so very much.
  8. So precious! That sure fits about my Barb. Thanks for a beautiful poem.
  9. Hello to all - September 18th will mark nine months since my precious Barb went to the Lord. Her departure was sudden and unexpected. Barb had been sick for over a month with lupus. Her kidneys gradually shut down along with other complications. She was my soul mate, the one that God chose to walk by my side for a total of almost 17 years, three of those in courtship, almost 14 of them in marriage. Our backgrounds were mirror images. I was an only child, and Barb was too except that a brother had been stillborn a year or so before Barb came from heaven to earth in 1944. We once agreed that we were joined at the heart. So you can imagine the pain I felt the night she slipped from me, and journeyed her way to be with our Lord. Most of my heart was ripped from my very being. I don't recall a day without tears since she went home. But, I know that one day, I will be with her again. She was so loving, caring and unselfish, giving of herself to others. She would take samples of her cooking and baking to our neighbor and anyone who happened by. We were brought together by a loving God late in life, neither of us having ever been married before. God was in it from day one. When I wanted to move to her town to be with her, there was only one apartment left in government housing in her small town. God saved it for me to move to be in her town with her! I know heaven has been a much brighter place since my Barb arrived there. Yet my sadness continues, only not as severe. The early days of grief shock, I hardly remember except for that first time going in a store. I was shaking from weeping under my breath, and would break down when I got back to the car. God has carried me a long way since she departed, but I can tell I have a way to go. The days are still so empty, the whole world seems empty and deserted without her. I went through a grief class back in the winter, and it did help, but nothing ever totally helps except God and time. Loneliness is my partner now, and I struggle through each day, crying two, three times or more a day, but slowly healing. Thanks to all who read my first post here. I look forward to meeting you and together, we will share the weight of one another's grief and with God, make it out of the other side of this lonely old valley.
×
×
  • Create New...