missingmy daddy

Niamh - I too think some of it may be fear on their part. Unless someone has gone through this they have no clue how it affects you. And then everyone deals with it differently. They may not want to bring it up for fear of making you even sadder or saying the wrong thing and making you angry. Tehy don't realize by them doing nothing they are making you sadder and angrier anyway. Do you feel you can tell someone what you need from them? Tell them you need them to acknowledge the loss and pain you are going through. To talk to you and offer to help you, but really mean it and follow through with it. I know what it is like to have everyone around when it first happens; almost to the point of you wanting to tell them to go away and leave you alone; but then not having anyone around when you are ready to reach out to them. They don't understand how your life became frozen in that moment of time while the rest of the world moved on. No one will ever be able to do for you what your Daddy did. It is hard to know that and still go on in this life. But your Daddy would want you to still go on. I don't think you are being over sensitive; people should do what they say they are going to no matter the situation. For them not to is rude in my opinion. I am so sorry you are feeling lost and lonely. I sometimes feel as if I am walking in the woods by myself and am just looking for someone to come hold my hand just so I know I am not alone. I think we all need that hand to hold sometimes. Hugs to you.

I find birthdays are always hard; whether they are your loved one's who you lost or your own. My Daddy was also very young when he passed; just turned 51yrs old the month before. It isn't fair and it's not something you just get over. I lost my Daddy 14 months ago and the pain and emptiness are still as much as the night I lost him. I don't have any of the answers we all seem to be seeking; I guess there are none. I hate that there are no answers and we ahve to find our own way now without them here to guide us and help us. I know my Daddy is watching over me, but I would so much rather have him here with me.The movie you describe never ends; or I have found it hasn't as of yet. I hate watching that movie, but I love seeing him in my mind and my dreams again. I ask for a sign, but so far have seen only one. I was so grateful the day my children said "Mommy look! A double rainbow! It is Grumpy's way of telling us Hi and he loves us!" I cried so much that day. Almost as much as I cried on his birthday. It is like we are on the never ending emotional rollercoaster; numb one second, sad the next, angry the next and then back to numb. For my Daddy's birthday this year we cooked his favorite meal and had a small cake with one candle in it. We sang "Happy Birthday" to him like we always did and everyone was crying the whole time, but my children said it was good for them to do that. I jsut wanted to let you knwo you have a right to your feelings and so many of us here are feeling the same. Hugs to you and your family.

Thank you all for your advise. I took it and asked my Mom what she wanted. It turns out thier anniversary is Wednesday; I always get the dates mixed up! We had dinner Saturday night and that is when I realized I had the date wrong. I asked her this morning wht she wanted to do and she said at this moment she wanted to spend the evening by herself in peace. I let her know I was ok with that and if she changed her mind I was up for anything she wanted to do; she just needed to let me know. I jsut wanted her to know I hadn't forgotten that special day for them and I was here for her and loved her. Thank you all again for taking the time to share your thoughts with me.

Hello everyone. I had a question and was wanting to know if anyone had some advice for me. I normally post in the Loss of a Parent thread, but this pertains to my Mom. You see we lost my Daddy 14 months ago. He was a wonderful man and meant the world to our family. Since he passed our family has been going through some really tough times; as I'm sure everyone can understand. Their wedding anniversary is coming up on Sunday and it would have been their 31st. I'm not sure what to do for my Mom. Last year the grief and loss was to raw and new and she just stayed in bed all day; and I don't blame her a bit for it. She has come so far in dealing with this new life without her soulmate and I am proud of how she has handled everything she has been going through. I lost my Daddy and she lost half of herself when he passed. I don't want to do or say anything that will upset my Mom or put her back any, but I don't want her to think I have forgotten the day her and my Daddy became one either. I know nothing I say or do will ever be the same as my daddy being here to celebrate it with her, but I want to do something for her as well. We have a close relationship and talk every day and she is my best friend. I'm just not sure if I should call and acknowldege their anniversary or if I should maybe take her to dinner that night. I can only imagine the pain that someone goes through when they have lost their other half so I don't want to do anything that would make her feel worse. Would any of you welcome celebrating your anniversay with your children or would you rather have that day to grieve in private and remember your other half in your own way? I know everyone's grieving process is different and their own to go through but I thought someone might have a few words of advise. Thanks.

Hello Karen, I am so sorry for your loss. Big hugs to you. We have all lost someone here and I have found the support and understandig are wonderful. Like you I am trying to be strong for everyone else and find it hard to let my emotions out at times. Coming here and being able to say what I am going through has helped so much. Just knowing everyone here understands. So welcome to the site and please feel free to come and say whatever you need to say. It sounds like your Mom was a wonderful person and loved you very much. I don't care how old you are when you lose your parent; it is devestating. So whatever it takes us to get through the day we must now do. It has been 14 months since I lost my Daddy and I still miss him every day. We are here to listen whenever you need to talk. Hugs and love to you.

Aquaris7 and Niamh - I am so sorry for your loss Aquaris7. It has been 14months today that I lost my Daddy and the pain is still so raw and sharp. I too feel it will never go away and no one really knows how I am feeling. My sibilings have no idea either of what I am going through. I have always been the one who never shows emotion in front of people and still find it hard to do that now. I wish I could tell them what I am feeling and going through; but I just don't know if they would be able to handle it. I am the one who has a heart made of ice and nothing ever gets to me so I am not supposed to be feeling all that I am feeling. I too feel that sometimes nothing else matters. I do have two children though and that is the only thing that has kept me going. They are my world and I know I can't fall apart and leave them to find their way in life without me. I just try and think of what my Daddy meant to me and to be that for my children now. It is the least I can do for the man who meant so much to me. I try to make myself get up and be a part of life again and most days I succeed to some point. I know what I should be doing but somedays it is so hard to try and find the energy and strength to do them. Even daily chores are becoming more and more difficult. My boyfriend is wonderful in the fact that when I do cry in front of him he just holds me and lets me, but he is your typical male and does not show his emotions and sometimes can not understand how I feel like this even 14 months later. He never tries to tell me to "get over it" or "move on", he just tries to make me think how my Daddy would feel if he knew I was always so sad and how he wanted me to live my life. I know my Daddy would not want me to be so sad all the time or to hurt so much, but I can't help it. I think this loss and pain will be with me always. I do want to say one more thing though.....I think this forum is really helping us. We all say we are finding things don't hold meaning for us anymore and I know that is true, but on some level we are finding meaning in life again. Everyone here is so willing to tell their own stories and to leave a comment on another persons story even if it just to say I am going through what you are and you are not alone. It has helped so much in the short time I have been on here and I think for every person on here; whether they have found the strenght to comment or just the strength to read; has found some little spark of meaning in their "new" lives now. I can only hope that with this spark a fire will be made and we can all find some way of living our "new" lives. Thank you to all who have helped me and taken the time to read or to comment. Hugs to everyone.

It is a hard day for me. Not sure why. Just cried all the way to work and am sitting at my desk trying not to let others see me cry. I am just really missing my Daddy today and want something. I'm not sure what I want; I just feel I need something. I know I would give anything to have a hug from him or to sense him somehow. The pain and lonliness just keeps coming and it doesn't feel like it will ever end. I miss him so much and my heart is just so broken. It is not fair that he is gone and we are left here with this hurt and pain. I can be in a room full of people and still feel so alone. I would have thought by now I would have gotten all the tears out or not be crying on such a regular basis, but I was wrong. I'm just really wishing I could have my Daddy back with me even though I know that can't happen. I had to go next door to sees omeone and I wasn't sure where his office was so I asked someone and they turned around and said "Are you looking for your fathers office?" and that just made me tear up again. It seems like every little thing is setting me off today. Everyone is asking me what wrong and I tell them all nothing; I'm fine; because it hurts too much to say I'm just missing my Daddy and want him back so bad. I'm just having a hard time dealing with it today.

Carol Ann - Thank you. I hope you like the song and it helps you as it has helped me. Niamh - I so agree that I would rather sense my Daddy somehow than just have a song; a song will never be enough. But if that is all I can get right now then I will gladly accept it and cherish it as I ahve this song. Sometimes a song can help so much when you don't have the words or you just can't bare to say them yet. I did listen to the song you posted and I cried as I did. I love it and will be adding it to my favorites as well. Hugs to you hun.

niamh, Thank you! I thougth those words were exactly right when I first heard the song also. I was listening to music videos one morning right after my Daddy passed and I could not form words for what I was feeling. I was sitting on ym couch crying my eyes out as I held a picture of him and praying I could find some way to get it out. THen the video to that song came on and I was just like "Yes! That is how I am feeling!" I've said it was my Daddy's way of helping me because he knows how much I love music and always say songs say it better than I ever could. I hope you like the song when you do listen to it. Hugs to you!

Marty - I would be more than happy to share it on the Grief Songs Web page. If it can help someone as much as it has me then by all means go ahead! It is by a country duo named Caitlian and Will.

This is a song by Caitlin and Will that I found and it says everything I am feeling about losing my Daddy. I just thought I'd share it here. It is a country song and you can find it on Youtube. I stumbled across your picture today I could barely breathe The moment stopped me cold and grabbed me like a thief I dialed your number but you wouldn't be there I knew the whole time but it's still not fair I just wanted to hear your voice I just needed to hear your voice What do I do with all I need to say So much I wanna tell you everyday Though it breaks my heart I cry these tears in the dark I write these letters to you But they get lost in the blue Cause there's no address in the stars Now I'm driving through the pitch black dark I'm screaming at the sky Oh cause it hurts so bad Everybody tells me, oh all I need is time Then the morning rolls in and it hits me again Light ain't nothing but a lie What do I do with all I need to say So much I wanna tell you everyday Though it breaks my heart I cry these tears in the dark I write these letters to you But they get lost in the blue Cause there's no address in the stars Without you here with me I don't know what to do I'd give anything just to talk to you Though it breaks my heart Oh it breaks my heart All I can do is write these letters to you But there's no address in the stars This song express things that I can't express and it always makes me cry, but I love it so much....

Thank you! My Daddy was absolutely wonderful. Thank you for allowing me to share my special story here. I know what you mean about being shell shocked. It has been almost 14 months for me and I still feel shell shocked. Something will happen and I think to my self "I can't wait to tell Daddy about this" then I have to stop and catch my breath because reality will hit that he isn't here for me to tell anymore. It is a devastating blow each and every time it happens. I know he was in a lot of pain right before he died and I am glad he isn't in pain anymore; I just wish the rest of us didn't have to go through the pain we are now going through. I try and do things for my Mom now also. She isn't able to do a lot of hard physical stuff like mow the lawn so my boyfriend and I will go over and mow it for her. Just little things like that now that he is gone and can't do them. She is my best friend and I love her, but sometimes it is hard to be around her when she is having a bad day because I want so much to take the pain away, but I can't. The only thing that could would be my Daddy. I think all of us are finding a routine to fall into where we do many things on autopilot so we don't have to think too much or feel too much. With the holidays coming up it is getting harder. It will be our second without him, but I wonder if it will ever get easier. I too am a grown woman who feels like a little child now that her Daddy is gone. I always knew no matter what happened he would be there for me and help me pick everything up and always catch me if I fell and now he is gone. Part of me left the Earth with him that night.

Marty - Thank you so much for your words of comfort. I like to think I am still making my Daddy proud and it was very touching hearing someone else say they think I am too. He meant more to me than any words could ever say. I just try to do the things I know he would want me to do and live my life the way he taught me to; with an open heart and an open mind. I am so honored to have known him and to have had him in my life. I believe a girl's first love is her Daddy and for me that couldn't be more true. He showed me what it was like to really love someone with all of their heart and I am just trying to teach those things to my children now. I know he is guiding me from above; but it doesn't change the fact that I would rather have him walking beside me again. He is always on my mind and forever in my heart. Thanks again.

I know what you mean, Schelly. Everyone in my family acts like because I don't cry in front of them or I don't talk about how I am feeling in front of them that I really have not suffered at all. They have no idea of the pain and loss that I am going through on a daily basis. It is hard for me to talk about it sometimes because I don't want people to see me that upset. I know my Mom lost her best friend and love of her life and I do not want to diminish her pain and loss at all, but sometimes you just need someone to recognize the fact that you lost one of the greatest people in your life. I am so sorry you lost your dad. When you are the rock everyone leans on it is hard to find that rock for you to lean on. Even the strongest people in the world need that shoulder to cry on and the arms to hold you tight and help you through. Sometimes it helps knowing other people are going through it somewhere in the world and you are not alone.