I am at the lowest point I have ever been. Last year I got a call from my girlfriend that she was pregnant. Up until that point we have been on good terms, but during her pregnancy she made me feel very underappreciated and unwanted. I would go out and meet other women, nothing would come of these relationships and they would quickly fizzle out. Well one night I meet this girl who I really connected with. We had deep meaningful conversations and began to hang out regularly. When I revealed to her that I had another girl pregnant she assured me that she would still be there and we could make things work. As a result I broke up with my pregnant GF and left her for this new girl. My old girlfriend was hurt by my betrayal, and begged me to take her back, but I didn't because I found someone “better.”
Me and my new girl, really hit it off. We do everything together, and for the first time in my life, I was completely monogamous. I didn’t wish to be with any other girl and quite hanging around my cheating friends so I could remove all temptation to be unfaithful.
These last couple of months has been very hard on me personally. I grew up not rich, but my family is well off. Everyone is doing well, except for me. I graduated college last year and have had trouble finding jobs and maintaining an income and have had to do a series of temp jobs just to have a little bit of cash. I took the CFA (Charted Financial Analyst) exam and studied my butt of for it, but failed. This lowered my self esteem because I worked so hard for it, and to fail by the slimiest margin hurt especially since I had to save money for the test. I have quit going to parties and social events because it is embarrassing when people talk about all the good things going for them career wise, and when the conversation come around to me, I don't have anything to say. The last party I went to I overheard one of the guys call me a bum. That hurt me more than you can imagine and has put a real dent in my self confidence. I applied to law school only to receive rejection letters in the mail. I have little money and can't support my son. My mom buys just about everything for him, and while I'm very grateful that she is there, it embarrasses me that I cannot take care of my own child.
The one constant positive of my life has been my relationship with my new GF. She is so wonderful to me and this last month’s she's been doing nice little things to make me happy. The other day she revealed to me that she has been cheating on me with several different people and that I don't satisfy her, and that she is growing bored with me. I was devastated. I have cheated in the past, but now that I'm on the other side it hurts like hell. I can’t tell you how much that hurt. This is on top of the fact that I can't find a job, can't take care of my son, she doesn't love me, and law school doesn't want me!! All these problems, have really affected my self confidence and self esteem. I have noticed that I am becoming more introverted, and I don’t feel like own self.
That relationship meant the world to me and she was the one thing that I didn’t want to lose. This is the girl that I thought I would marry and build a family with. She’s been the one steady thing I have and now that’s gone. I don’t remember the last time I cried, but this week the tears have been flowing like a river. I have been having chest pains and cannot sleep and have no appetite. I just want the pain to go away. Since I reject my friend’s offers to go to social events, they have stopped calling me and we have grown distant. I have no one I feel comfortable talking to about my problems and am feeling as low as ever. She was my world and I loved her with everything I had and she stabbed me in the back. I tried to go back to my old GF, but she no longer wants me. I am in a real rut and am surrounded by people and have a loving family, but am as lonely as ever. This pain of losing her is more than I can bear. I’m on here for support, because I’m by myself,and can’t afford professional help. I don’t know what else to do.
