em2009

Hi Kathy, I'm sorry for your loss. I have been dealing with feelings like this too. Before my grandmother died in January eight months prior my great uncle (who was like a grandfather to me) passed away, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer and a friend of mine who was helping me work on my faith issues moved away and my faith slipped again. I was taking blow after blow and I did fall into a depression and with that I started to push back my grief and not deal with it because I thought "if I can block the grief and the pain I will get better". Then my grandmother got sick and died in January. Since then I have been dealing with "is this my grief or am I depressed or is it both? Am I losing my mind?". Like you all I want to do is sleep and when night comes I don't want to sleep because I feel like I can't let go of this day because I made it to the end and nothing bad happened and if I fall asleep and start a new day something bad might happen and I might not make it through. I made the mistake of not talking to anyone - not friends, family or even a therapist. I applaud you for seeking help as where I did not and I regret it every night when I cry. I didn't want anyone to see me as being weak so I mask it a lot. The only thing I can tell you is keep seeking help and try - even if it hurts and you break down a lot - to keep going and try and remember that your dad wouldn't want your life to come to a halt. I hope that helps. You really aren't alone. This is the first time I have told anyone how I have been feeling for the last 8 months. Marie

I'm so sorry for you and your family! I have a friend who is dealing with almost your exact situation so I understand how hard it is for you. The only thing I can tell you from watching my friend and her family deal with this is you need to not let any bitterness eat you up. It's so easy to write and read but to put it to practice is so much harder. They cut off all ties with their grandfather/father and I know they might regret it one day. When my friend calls me to talk about it I just listen and tell her she needs to do what she feels deep in her heart is right. I will pray for you and your family that you make it to a better place!