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amysue

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Everything posted by amysue

  1. hi, My boyfriend passed away four months ago tomorrow. he passed very suddenly as well, and I think it takes the body and mind a really long time to recover from a shock like that. I don't know that my mind can really grasp the concept of here one moment and gone the next. I had a chinese doctor read my pulse shortly after it happened and she said it was like every one of my organs was screaming, and that is really how I felt. I couldn't eat, sleep, or function for some time. Now I feel more like I am shutting off my emotions just so life can go on. There are no rules or guide book as to how you need to grieve, it is all personal and different for everyone. I really feel like I will never really get over this, I will just learn how to live with a hole in my heart. My heart goes out to you, I wish nobody had to feel this pain of losing someone so special. I hope you can find joy in things and people you still have with you here, and that your pain is not too great to bear.
  2. Thanks for the kind words, it helps to know other people feel the same way. I am glad I found this site, may we all learn to heal together
  3. I lost my boyfriend who was 28 , and just so full of life, like you said. It rips my heart out to see his pictures. I saw him the day before he died, I tried to get him to come with me on a trip for the day he died, but he had already made plans with his friends to go hiking. I replay everything in my head, and make up the rest of our lives together in my head, how great it would have been. I used to feel him around me still, but now not so much and that is hard too. I am so sorry for your loss, it is an unbearalbe feeling, nobody should have to hurt this way. Hugs across the ocean..
  4. six months ago I met the most amazing man, Shawn Decew. He lit up my heart like I never thought anyone could. He made me feel alive again after five years of being a single mother, I never thought I deserved anyone as amazing as him. He loved me even though my life had nothing but baggage. We lived four hours away, both busy with jobs. He was so passionate about life, out in the mountains every chance he got. He met me for a date in Seattle four months ago, we had so much fun. The next day he went out for a hike. He got to the top of the mountain, was taking a picture, lost his footing and fell 200ft. I stil can't believe he is gone. He was my light, my hope, I love him so much. We weren't together long, but when you find a good cookie, you know. I only wish we could have had all the memories, or kids, or just more time. I don't know why he had to go and that is the hardest part of it all. I really don't have people in my life to talk to about it often, you know their life just goes on and they didn't lose this amazing person. Everyday is a new feeling and emotion I didn't know I had, but lately I have just felt mad that you left. It's hard to believe that I will never see you again, your smile and eyes. I love you Shawn.
  5. Melina, I have been that crazy lady balling her eyes out at the gas station, and just about everyplace else in town. The world just keeps going on whethter we want it to or not. Its hard that no one around us realizes the great loss that has happened. The need to function and get stuff done is essential, but so is the grieving process. I found if I don't find time to grieve it finds me, and at very strange times ususally. for me it has almost been four months, It's funny cause it is not a slow progression to feeling better, it is a wild emotional roller coaster, and I feel like I am just on for the ride. But, as time passes, and days go by, little by little I am able to do more, and be functional, just functional with a big hole in my heart.
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