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Bobby's Widow

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Everything posted by Bobby's Widow

  1. I'm sorry, I'm new here and don't know how to use this site yet. YES! I have had similar reactions from friends. And it hurts! We need to talk about the loved one we lost, but you get the feeling the person you're talking to is mentally if not physically rolling their eyes when you bring up the subject. Don't they realize how damaged we are? Maybe not if they haven't lost their spouse. I don't know. All I know is that I need to talk about Bobby and how wonderful he was and what great memories I have. I want to share those memories in order to keep them alive at least.
  2. I was widowed suddenly and unnecessarily 2.5 yrs. ago. My husband was only 51 and I was 48. He was an independent truck driver and on the road to Laredo TX at the time. Luckily (I guess if lucky can even be applied) he had gotten no farther than GA - we live in SC - before he started having problems. He died of a dissecting aotic aneurysm. Usually people just fall over dead of these. He lived almost 24 hrs. The drs. couldn't diagnose the problem, although from my reading he had all of the classic symptoms. He was shuffled from one hospital to another, drs. mismanaged his care, etc. There is an active medical malpratice suit in progress. The experts say if he had been diagnosed and treated correctly he would most probably have recovered completely and still be with me now. As it was I didn't even make it to the hospital they had transferred him to in time to see him one last time. I had to go to north GA to get his cat off the truck (his request) then drive another 3hrs. to get to him. Shortly after I arrived I was told he was brain dead and all I could do at that point is make the decision to remove him from life support. I was all alone. I say all of this as background. He was my best friend as well as my husband. I grew up in the Air Force and he was one of the few people I'd known my whole life. We'd always been friends but in 1996 something happened and it bacame more than that. He understood me and accepted me exactly as I was. He once told me when I apologized for not having make up on that when he looked at me all he saw was me, not whether I was wearing make up or not he just saw ME. Since his death I have been a totally different person. My first thought every morning is of his absence. I am agoraphobic and will only leave home when I absolutely have to. I am severely depressed and have even considered suicide but my beliefs tell me I will never see him again if I do that so I keep struggling to get by. No antidepressant works so I don't take anything. I keep getting sabotaged by memories that come out of nowhere and kick me in the gut so hard it takes my breath. We had so many good times together doing everything and nothing. When will I be able to deal with this??? When will the hurting become bearable??? When will I feel whole again not half of something and incomplete???
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