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Shaka403

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Everything posted by Shaka403

  1. Patty, I am with you...if only we could just have that 15 minutes to tell them everything that we haven't been able to share!! I don't know what your faith is if any, but I am a Christian, and I know that my mom is in heaven living the good life. I have found myself recently asking God to give her messages for me. I mean I figure why not...I think God loves us enough, and it's no problem for him. I believe in my heart he relays the messages. It makes me feel better anyway. As far as birthdays/holidays goes I am about to find out. My birthday is this coming Sunday, and it will be the first without her. I don't know what that is going to be like, and I guess we are all about to go through the holidays. I know it will be very weird, and feel wrong without her, but I am going to do my best to remember how much fun we had on past holidays and hopefully fill some of it with laughter. After all they would not want us to be sad during the holidays...rather grab hold of the family you still have here, and just embrace it! I hope maybe some of this helped you. It's amazing that when you offer some advice that you feel better yourself. I am no expert, and am still learning along the way. My mom has only been gone 4 months so I still have a long way to go I'm sure..just hang in there, and honor them when you get the chance.
  2. Wow. I feel like ya'll are telling my story. I lost my mom 3 months ago. I am THE ROCK that ya'll are talking about, and rarely show my emotion. I guess because of it everyone thinks I'm fine. Well, I'm not. I mean good days/bad days. But everyone always asks how's my dad? They never ask how I am. I just think that is weird. I am standing in front of you....it just seems that would be the next question right? HOW ARE YOU? Anyway, I guess people don't really know what to say or do. It doesn't really bother me, I just sometimes wish that someone would still seem concerned for me. I guess that's a comfort when they do ask although sometimes I don't really want to discuss it. IT's all just really weird I guess.
  3. I stumbled on this website through reading an article, and am very glad I did. I lost my mom 3 months ago, and things have been WEIRD to say the least. She had been battling cancer for almost 3 yrs., but it always seemed under control until the last 6 months. I just never believed that we would lose her because we had come so far, and my faith was so strong. So when doctors said there was nothing more to do it was a shock. After that things went down hill super fast, and she was gone within 2 weeks. I am thankful that I had a chance to tell her goodbye, and be with her, but none the less it hasn't made it any easier after the fact. I have also found it hard to get back to normal...I'm not sure that you can since normal is no longer normal. Things are just so weird. I find myself doing really well overall, but then I find that I am frustrated easily, or just somewhat withdrawn. There's a part of me that wants to be around my friends, but then I just seem to stay away more. The first month after her death I would cry almost everyday on my commute home from work, or at night before bed. I have never felt so out of control of my emotions! I feel that I am doing well now because I am very busy, but I still have BAD days. I even recently went through some anger because I feel very cheated. It's hard to lose someone who has been with you all your life. I feel very lost. I didn't realize how much I needed or went to my mom for things. Even little things like how to do certain things....mom's always know! I can really relate to how you feel about feeling like people think we should be over it by now. They probably don't really think that, but it's the perception I get. I am one who rarely cries in front of others. The rock is what my mom called me. So I hide my emotions a lot. But sometimes I just want to scream "I'm not ok, this sucks!" It's hard to relate this to people who haven't been there. I have lost a lot of people in my life unfortunately, but this is completely different. You can't understand it unless you've been there. I guess I really don't have much advice for you, but just that talking with others who understand may bring some comfort...sometimes I just want to talk about it, but feel like others don't want to hear it, or that it makes them uncomfortable. Probably just my own weird thoughts, but none the less that's how I feel. I have to say it was nice reading this thread and seeing that others have a lot of the same feelings I do. Sometimes I don't even know what I am feeling, and even feel bad sometimes when I have been doing good for too long. She wouldn't want that for sure.Well, anyway enough of my rambling. I think this has helped me some just to get some of these thoughts out. I am so sorry for everyone's loss, and that we even have to be here at all. Time will heal our open wounds, but the scar will always be our reminder!
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