Thanks for your response Niamh! I was getting stressed that I was going to be alone and talking to myself here as well. I am glad I found this site as well, after being pushed out of my job (I know how you feel, loved what I was doing and was looking at being there a long time) and coming back to Florida (thinking there were people here that would be there for me) I am finding I am once again left to my own resources. Most of my life revolved around work and now without work and without having the biweekly dad phone call and looking forward to getting his cards and phone calls on holidays and my bday, I feel so alone. I try to reach out and get back out there, but feel myself pulling back.
My cousins wedding is coming up and although I cannot really afford to go I conviced myself that I would, now I am dragging my feet for fear that I will sit at the wedding crying my eyes out or worse yet spend money I dont have to end up sitting in my hotel room. I know things are moving in the right direction, its just after being "asleep" for a year I am working hard not to push it in this first month that I am trying to get back out there. I am trying hard to stay busy and not think about tomorrow and no phone call, went to the mailbox today and there was no birthday card...
Thank you for letting me know its ok to still cry although I doubt the last two guys I interviewed with would agree...but at least I got out there! I agree with that you said about people thinking this is the flu and we should just "get over it"....I have one cousin close by and he wont let me in his house if I am "blubbering"...hmmm same word my EX shrink used!
I have no kids, few friends and no family that understands how much I miss him as I was the only one close with him throughout my life.
Anyway...I am rambling now, just stressing.....thanks for your kind words and birthday wishes and hugs...I know I will make it through, I just dont know what the reason is.... :-(