Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Fiona

Contributor
  • Posts

    11
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Fiona

  • Birthday 12/31/1975

Contact Methods

  • Website URL
    http://
  • ICQ
    0

Profile Information

  • Location (city, state)
    Sichuan Province China
  • Interests
    I am an English teacher in China. I have been working here for the last two and a half years.<br>August 2002 my mother died of Breast Cancer. She'd only been sick 10 months. We all assumed a speedy recovery. They never tell you the bad stories, people like my mother only wanted to hear the good stories the ones that gave her hope.<br>Since her death I came back to my job out here in China. I love my work. But I'm so lost, emotionally. I feel like I need someone to cry on, but there's no one there anymore.<br>The added difficulty is that my husband works away. I have hidden from my grief in him. Only in the last month did he start this job. And now I'm devasted. I realise I need to face the grief before I can get deeper in this relationship. I need to get my security back.

Previous Fields

  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Glasgow royal Infirmary
  1. Hello Its been a while since I wrote anything in this forum, but your very poiniant entry stirred something in me. I think grief is a strange battle. Why is it that no one warns you about the incredible mountain to climb when a loved one dies. It takes so long, and even when you feel like you've been handling it OK something else makes you mad or unhappy and you can always trace it back to your loss. I hope you can feel the pain ease soon. This site is very useful if you want to talk about your loss. And it really helps bring things into the open. I wish you a smooth journey towards a new you. I know you might not want a new you.... but there might be something beautiful in this rebirth. Fiona
  2. Hi Jen Now that I have read you message here, I feel I understand your situation quite well. I'm really sorry to hear about your Aunt passing away. And I'm sure you must be really scared about your mother, since they are the same age. I think Shannon is right though, in that you should celebrate with your mother that she is alive and well. Appreciating this time together is really important. But holding on too hard can also be quite destructive. I know now that feeling alone is so common. I feel like this myself. Like no one is going to listen to you. But I think this discussion group is really the answer, well certainly for me. Everyone here listens, and although we might be on other sides of the world we can take comfort in minds thinking alike. Take care.... we're thinking of you Fiona
  3. Hi Shannon thanks for takingtime to write about this subject. I have felt so concerned that I am burdening my husband with my grief. I haven't had anyone else to talk to you see. And when it come back to the dame subject every time; "I miss my Mum". I think I must be going mad. But it's really good to know that other people have the same problems. And that perhaps by sharing some of the little stuff with eachother we can help. For example I watched a movie the other day (alone since my husband works away) and I felt like I was going to cry the whole time! Feeling lonely is my main thing. But I expect him to fix that! isn't that too much! Actually I know I'm lonely cause "I miss my Mum". Oh well... Bye for now Fiona
  4. Hi Amy I think I know how you feel. My mother found she had breast cancer in November 2001. I couldn't belive it quite, and acutally thought most people get better. I was so blazay about it . I went back home for 3 months to be with her over the winter time. I found her attitude really negative and doom and gloom. Although she prayed everyday, I think she was more outraged that God had done this to her. I on the other hand was so positive. Telling her, and really believing that everything would be fine. After all many women recover from this condition, or so I thought. I left home again and returned to my job. But then she didn't actually get better and died 8 months later. I got back the night before she died. And I had one last chance to talk to her. I was truly shocked to see her. Her skin was bright yellow since her liver had been affected, and she was unable to move her body. It was quite terrible and started crying on sight. My family were outraged that I reacted this way, and told me to talk about anything but her illness. You know now in a way I am relieve. Because if I had been with her those 8 months, I'd have seen the whole terrible deteriation. And had to try and make her see the bright side of things the whole time. Is that really selfish? I hope you are doing OK about the loss of your mother. I know you have a lot to do with you children and husband and all. I hope you can find time for yourself. And to not feel any guilt about not seeing your mother in that last week. You simply can not be there all the time. And they know we love them. Fiona
  5. Hello, About 2 weeks ago I lost control. I started feeling like I was really going to break down. I felt like everything and anything was going to make me cry. My mother died 14 months ago. I work on the otherside of the world, but I managed to get home to see her one last night before she passed away. I think that's quite a while ago now, and I should be better, right? But I am having all kinds of weird emotions that I am not in control of. She was my confidence, my strength. She was so proud of me, and my direction in life. But my father has never been very interested. Now I feel like a lost soul out here. Like there is no one who'll listen to my struggels. And no one to tell me I'm doing a good job, and stick at it. No one to tell me if I'm doing the right thing. I have become so insecure. My heart feels like it's breaking everyday. I am holding on tightly to anything that gives me a little hint of strength. But worse of all, I am putting way too much pressure on my husband, hoping so much he'll understand. But I'm so scared he'll give up on me. If anyone else has experienced a serious change in their relationships since the death of a relative, I really want to talk to you. See if we can help each other through this confusion. Because I'm quite lost out here. Fiona
  6. HI Hans I'm so sorry that your mum died. You sound very sad just now, and I hope you are doing OK. I sometimes wonder if therapy doesn't make things more difficult. If you finding that things are coming to the surface about yourself that you dont like, then perhaps the right issues aren't bieng addressed. I was lucky, I found a really good therapist. Who addressed the exact issue in hand. And really I felt a lot better. But that was a long time ago, and not concerning the death of a relative. I am now finding this site really useful. Writing to people with similar situations is really helping me. My mother died 14 months ago. It was quite traumatic 'cause I was working in China, and I had to fly home. She waited for me. That night when I got off the plane, I saw her and spoke to her. The next morning she was dead. I know she was released from her pain. And she probably felt an emense release when she went. But seeing my family, brother and sister and father crying around me, I knew I had to be strong. So that's what I did. Now I'm experiencing some flash backs, and renewed pain. But it's all part of the process. If you want to write to someone, I promise I'll listen, You're not alone. Fiona
  7. Hi Looc I'm really glad you found some comfort in my reply. I'm feeling much better too. It's only one week since I started coming on this site and now I feel like I'm really getting somewhere. I think I was really feeling isolated. And it helps so much just to be able to email people who have been going through the same thing. I have found the symptom of anger that other people mentioned very similar to my own. Except actually I have become helplessly insecure. My Mum was the only person in the world that made me feel like I was doing something worthwhile. She was really proud of me. Now I don't have her assurance I feel like I don't know where I'm going or if I can make any decision. I really feel like a child in need of guidance. And I guess that's similar to what you said about feeling like a baby. How do you come to terms with that? I want to be strong, and remember her. But I don't know if it's possible. Or where to start. But as I say emailing you and on this list is helping. So please, I hope you don't mind my thoughts. Tell me how you've been this week? Fiona
  8. HI Loo Have you thought about taking any time out? or changing something in your routine? I think when my mother died, I was renched out of my normal routine, and so I was unable to dwell on her death. But I don't think that was necessarily a good thing! However a small change might be enough to help you see something different. I can't pretend to know what to do about grief, but I know you're not alone. I also felt helpless, and like everyone was expecting me to put on a brave face. At least if I didn't, then everyone in the family would be completely lost in grief. I needed to hold it together. Since no one else seemed to be. But I'm sure if you were to just brake down for a little while, they'd understand that too. Just give yourself some time. I don't know how long it takes... my Mother died more than a year ago now. And I just kept straight on with my plan for life. But now I'm feeling quite lost myself. And wondering when I'll be back to normal. Or perhaps I just have to accept that something like this changes you fundamentally to your very being. Which might not be a bad thing. Thinking of you Fiona
  9. Hi Lynda Thankyou so much for your comforting reply. More than anything my jealousy is to do with a masssive insecurity I'm feeling. I guess I just want some certainties. And I know I'll never get them. When my husband is away without me, I suffer so much not knowing and seeing everything that he's doing. Before I was never a jealous person, but I know I have taken refuge in this man since my mother's death. Perhaps a little to quickly even. But I love him. But it's all tangled up together now. When I feel loney without my husband I cry for my mother. I think it's a kind of insanity... and I don't know how to separate the two things. I'm just not sure where my loneliness ends and the grief begins. F
  10. Hi Spencer I know exactly what you mean, about not knowing how to get on with your life. I thought I had the best idea, but actually doing something new and exciting can just pull you away from the bad stuff. It doesn't make the bad stuff go away. I hope you find a way to move on. yes perhaps honoring her in your daily life is a good idea. But also you should know that she would want you to be happy. Take good care of your heart F
  11. I am so alone. I know actually that I need to help myself, I just don't know how. Since my mother died last year of fast growing brest cancer, I actually thought I was doing OK. But recently I've become painfully jealous, and I've never been like this before in my life. My husband works away from home, and I miss him terribly, and I can't seem to to stop the painful jealousy growing inside myself. I need to be able to overcome this stuff, and get on with my own life... but I just don't know how. Any suggestions could make a difference to my life. F
×
×
  • Create New...