mejamom

The first anniversary of my daughter's death is coming up this weekend. We are raising her 12 yr.old and left it up to her for activities. The week of the funeral last year saw my other 2 daughters and their husbands, plus my 2 yr.old grandaughter as houseguests/helpers,etc. We've gone on vacation with them so that's what it was like that week. We had lots to eat thanks to friends and relations. Lots of visitors which lent a party atmosphere. On quiet nights, we all played board games, like we do on vacation, so that's what we'll do. Our church gave us a candle with our daughter's name on it and we'll light that for an hour or so. We have a church service to attend for her and a cemetery visit, as well. I think there will be tears, but we'll be okay.

This is my first post. The first anniversary of my daughter's death is this Sat. I've been getting more anxious each day for the past 2 weeks. It's almost like it's taken a year to really settle in that she's gone for good. She was a heroin addict for about 10 years. We didn't see or hear from her for months on end sometimes. So, it wasn't that different at first. What's so awful is that she had voluntarily entered rehab in Jan. 2009. She was pregnant and needed methadone every day. My husband brought her home each weekend so she could reconnect with her family (2 sisters, 1 brother)and reorient herself with the "regular" world. She made an adoption plan in order to continue rehab without the responsibilities of parenting. Some close friends adopted her daughter, born in Sept., so we will always have her close to us. But she fell from a balcony. There are so many other emotions tied up with my grief because of the hurt, frustration and anger we had for almost 10 years because of her addiction and the lifestyle that goes along with it. Sometimes I feel guilty that I'm not sad enough, like I'm glad she's gone. Other times, I can't stop crying. Does anyone have anything similar to this?