mark_w

i believe you're right, KayC, and it will be a busy time whenever i get to the other room, to catch up with my dad, grandparents as well as my other passed on animal friends. just bad though, knowing that you know that they would want to be sat beside you right now just as much as you want them to be, but it can't be. more ofetn now, i can think of her and smile, rather than weep, which, i must admit i am doing now...

does it get better? well, it doesn't feel quite so bad after a week or 2. time does heal to some extent, but it never disappears. you won't ever forget Bill, but when you think of her you will smile rather then weep. i know, because i've been there, and am there. euthanasia is a great way to go really, you wouldn't want her to be in agony? you ask should you have hung on? but who would benefit from that? you? the animal? neither. you didn't 'kill' her, it would have happened within days anyway by the sound of it. i have had the same thoughts, believe me. but thinking rationally, you can only do the right thing, at the right time, and you did. and it's done now, you can't change anything. but if you could, you wouldn't do it differently. you're not dying, you can't. you have to press on for the sake of your daughter and your dog too. you've done 100$ exactly the right thing, and been a responsible pet owner, you should pat yourself on the back rather than beat yourself up. tomorrow will probably feel a little better, the day after likewise, a couple of days later your car could go bang [mine did!] and you have more mundane crap to deal with too. let us know how you bear up.

well, some time has passed, a couple of weeks. i'm used to the idea of her not being here, but it's still a bit strange - only taking 2 dogs for a walk instead of 3, nobody asleep by my feet & following you into the kitchen every time you get up etc [the other 2 don't bother with this], only getting 2 dog meals ready instead of 3 etc etc. and one of the saddest things is that i know she would want to be here - doing the mundane stuff. but....there was no choice, she was too ill to go on, there was no other action. life will have to go on, i can sometimes smile when i think of her instead of filling up, like i am now a bit, so i'll sign off. thanks people.

i asked for pet-crem, and the ashes back. it's still very odd not having her about, but i'm not as tearful as a few days ago. working takes my mind off it. i still can't really talk about her, the children mention her, but my wife helps by answering on my behalf somehow. the other animals seem ok. as you say, time will help. thanks for the words, all of you.

thanks for the replies folks. not feeling much better to be honest. have drunk quite a lot over the weekend, which did help me sleep. it's so strange her not being here. only putting 2 dog beds out instead of 3, not having someone sleeping at your feet by my chair, someone following you around every room. wife keeps talking about her, but i don't. i feel like bursting into flods of tears if i do, so i can't at te moment. the kids mention her, saying they miss her etc, but it nearly cracks me up. i picture daily life without her, but it will have to go on of course. i'm not going to tell anyone at work, or discuss it there, i don't want to end up blubbing there all day. i really am, totally empty & despondant.

i'm not a person who asks for help, or advice often, but the internet is a big help in this instance. yesterday, i had to say goodbye to my best friend, a scruffy terrier, Holly, who was only 8. i am 47 y o , married, with several children and a responsible job. not many friends, i keep myself to myself really, and get on with life. we had a border collie already [who is 14 now and going strong], and after my previous dogs had sadly passed on in 2002 we decided to go to a rescue centre and take on a couple of pups. we took home Daisy, a black gawd knows what terrier, and Holly, a staffie cross. it wasn't all plain sailing, they had some serious fights, but were best friends really. and although i've had several dogs as friends before, Holly and i had something special. a proper friend, i don't have many human friends, so i valued her loyalty very highly. around 2 months ago she developed a limp on a back leg, i took her to the vet, a brilliant guy. he did an x ray and to our shock, diagnosed bone cancer. the disease advanced quickly, quicker than i believed it could. a dog who was jumping around & play biting a few weeks earlier was now on borrowed time. more recently a bad cough was evident. the vet said secondary cancer had spread to the lungs. this week, her breathing was shorter, and the cough was there all the time, somtimes with specks of blood. i know, and you know that this had got to be the end. the family and our vet agreed, so yesterday i went there and did the most difficult thing a rough, tough man, who isn't afraid of anyone, or anything, has to do, i cried like a baby for hours, and will do again shortly . and now? i'm destroyed. i feel empty. the other 2 dogs are ok, they are good pets, but not the same. my best friend has gone, and life seems empty. i am sad, and angry at the same time. i drove past a church, and swore at god for letting me down, as he has, again, so he's out, for the forseeable. i feel like starting a fight, anytime and anyone will do. i'm not well, and i know it. please give me some guiding words ny friends...