Charlie1

It has been awhile since I have been here and I am happy to see there still are those here who helped me through soem difficult times. Paul S, Shelly,Marty, Derek and many of you who just were there for support. I am deeply grateful to have "met" folks who are a credit to the whole race. I wish you peace and sincerly thank you for your guidance. Warmly, Charlie1

Yes, yes and yes. When I found that my father had cancer, I would go to the gym to lose myself. I remember grinding out an hour on an eliptical and thinking that was a good representation of how I was able to cope with the last 9 months of his life. I still go to the gym and find that this is the time to myself I need to have. Keep up the excercise...it is a god send to use your body like this. Charlie1

Starkiss, Like everyone else, I too think you are normal. Since my father past I think I could be in thwe guiness book of world records with what I woory about. Solid advice as usual from this group. My prayers are with you. Charlie1

I'm Ok. Reading alot of other peoples posts lately. Went camping with the boys last weekend and seem to help. Thanks for all your input--I want to shake this and it keeps comin back. Pressure at work I think and pressure I put on myself. One day at a time. I appreciate your replies!! Charlie1

Thanks Marty, Derek and Shell. I appreciate your insights. One day at a time. Anyone seen my friend Paul S?

Jennie, Hang in there and try to take one day at a time. You have come to a good place where you can find lots of situations similar to yours. Om det ar lattere, jag kan laser svensak battre an jag kan skriva. Hang in there!

I woke up this morning and feel like I fell in the all-to-familiar hole. THIS IS REALLY HARD! I can seem to stay possitive. Any suggestions? I thought I was doing better and I actually felt joy but that is gone and I can't get even close to it. Charlie1 CAN'T STAY POSITIVE!

I feel for you and wouldn't wish this on anyone. Hang in there as most have said through thier posts it is normal and it is one of the toughest things-is the toughest thing-I have ever done. Charlie1

Good luck and we are all pullin for ya! Charlie1

Lori, You hang in there, my kids have helped a lot. They have given me some strenth to get through the day. One step at a time and your journey will get easier. I remember I kept asking my grief counselor "when" and she finally told me that when I recognized it was a journey from within, I would start to get it. I am sorry for how you feel and I know exactly what it feels like. I miss my father a lot! We are pulling for you! Charlie1

Haley, Sorry I didn't mention how wonderful for you to get away for a while. Amanda, I am happy for you and as my mother would say, "being productive with your efforts!" Gyms have become somewhat a savior for me through my Dad's cancer. Charlie1

Hmmm... Leann, I lost my best friend about 10 years ago. Spoke at the funeral, spent some time alone and figured I was over it. Then, my uncle, grandmother and father all die within a year of each other (father and grandmother within weeks.) I do the same thing and a grief counceler asks how I am doing. I say "fine" and months later, poof...I am miserable. I can't explain it but then called the grief counceler and I start to "get it". I think one has to go through this one time or maybe many or it just festers and sneaks up on you later. Yes, part of life but not comparable to any others. Joseph Campbell, one of my favorite mythologists called this "the hero's journey" as written in many great texts. He means its a journey out of the familiar that we all have to take and "slay the dragon" so it won't follow us around and forever make us live in fear. Frankly, I don't want to be on any type of journey and want my balance back...but I am determined to slay this dragon no matter how others deal with thiers. Hope this helps, Charlie1

Thanks Haley, Great idea. I am grateful that I have such a supportive wife and wonderful kids. I am looking forward to going to the gym today and I have lost some well earned lbs. I am thankful that with the help of this board, this journey doesn't feel so lonely. Cheers, Charlie1

Hi thartz, I know exactly how overwhelming this can be and also that others are relying on you. Seems to me, we all need to find our way and its not through the usual means we are used to in getting through our grief. It's been described as "being in the dark and groping your way through." I thnk most importantly is that you need not beat up on yourself. Try to think of all the wonderful things that surround you (when you can) and live in that moment. Your kids will help you and you need to let them in and help them understand what you are learning about getting through this. You have a lot of people who care for you and are rooting for you. This is a slippery slope but we will all get through it! Prayers, Charlie1

Derek, Dude, hang in there. Sorry I missed this but I have been actively working on fighting my own demons. I think kid's help us get back. Someone told me (or maybe I read)that when you go through this stuff you lose your childhood feeling that the world is a safe place. And, that kid's can help you get this back...or through them allow you to see that the world is not such a bad place. I've let my kids in just to allow them to know how to do this when they have to go through it. It has brought us closer together and frankly, they know more than I thought. I'll bet Carson knows more than your givin him credit for. If there is one thing I have learned...Don't beat yourself up...We all have to go through this @$%!, Learn, grow and have fun with Carson. He is as lucky to have you as you are to have him. Charlie1

The other day I awoke at 5am dripping with sweat. Yea, it was hot but this was a cold sweat. I was headed for the familiar destination--- miserable--just ahead. I went downstairs thinking, ok here we go again...where is this going to take me. Groggily, I went outside and watched the sun come up. Caught in the beauty of the moment, I began to think about my father, sadly at first and then the life he had lived, the things he taught us about living and...I started to feel soemthing that I hadn't felt for a looooooooong time. I didn't recognize it at first but then it came to me. Joy??? I actually looked forward to the day...again. I felt like I wanted to move forward. I took that feeling into the rest of the day and when ##it did hit the fan in the afternoon, my greif grabbed me but there was strength, solace and resolve right beside it. There is another side, I have glimpsed it and want to see it again. Charlie1

Amanda, As painful as it is, having a "stiff upper lip" won't allow for an opportunity for some real growth. Far as I can tell reading through postings on this board, grief will come and haunt us again so we best get done with it the first time. I have benefited from sharing here and I know you will too. If you can't take care of yourself, then you can't take care of those you have around you. I wish you growth and wisdom on your journey. Charlie1

Shell, You are an inspiration to us all. I will pray for you. Charlie1

I don't understand. Slogging, fighting, being miserable, sad, one foot in front of the other...and then... I feel a little better today. Seems like I have crossed some invisible boundry and am not being pelted with the usual doom and gloom (or should I say not letting my thoughts lead me into the "hole".)I think I am beginning to get it (thanks Paul) and doing my GREIF WORK. You are right, you have to lean into it and want to get out of it. Ups and downs all the time, but this feels different, something less fragile...like I am growing as a result of this. I can be patient with myself (thanks Shell.) Even if tomorrow, I slip, I am grateful for this one day and will try to remember how it feels so I can look forward to something again. For all of us who read, ponder and wonder, I hope this serves as some small inspiration that there are good days too. Hopefull, Charlie1

Kellymarie: Thanks for sharing the quotes. What beautiful and inspiring thoughts. Charlie1

Kellymarie, I have found that the last several "posters" really know what they are talking about. Hang in there and you WILL gain wisdom and strength from this. One day at a time. Charlie1

Julie, Tough call. My sister took my mom right after the funeral for a month. We pretty much left things alone until she returned...we were all kind of raw after deaing with my father's cancer for 8 months. When she retunred, she and I did it but I let her take the lead and stepped in when she had difficulty. I think it was important (and very sad) for her to get rid of his things but I think it served as part of her closure process. Part of this is the family pulling together to do what's right for your Mom and this also helps set the bond of the family as you go through the next year together. I am sorry for your impending loss and hang in there. With the thoughfulness and foresight you dislpay, you will be a great help to your family and they're lucky to have you. Charlie1

Thanks again to all of you who read and post replies. I guess the best way to express this is that I am in unchartered territory and looking for help. I wish I had the direction to push through this but have lost my way. Up and Down... Thank you to all you souls who understand and are willing to share expereinces.

Up and down and up and down. 14 months since my father and close friend passed and ...any advice for moving forward. Yes, I have made progress but I seem to be looking for an advance. Something to guide me through this growth period and if it is even right in front of me, I feel I wouldn't see it. Went through grief counsleing with a wonerful guide and she thinks that I was knocked off center by this death and need to regain my balance. I have always felt things deeply. My Dr. thinks I am "normal" but suggested Prozac. Seems to help but I HATE taking this stuff and want to move forward. I have received some excellent thoughts through this posting board and wanted to see if anyone could lend their expereince. I want to turn this corner and am trying many things, but up and down and up and down. Life is too short to miss stuff and my head is...somewhere else.

Thanks to you all for your kindness and support.