charliebug

Carol Ann, Thank you for sharing. It is hard, but in some odd way, I think I owe her that. It's sort of crazy I guess. Maybe it's one of those guilt things mothers seem to dredge up. I feel like she is gone and I should have to suffer for at least a while. Wow...that really does sound crazy now that say it! Bless your heart Carol Ann for sharing. fondly, Charlotte

Hi Micah, I think if you love being a caregiver and feel fullfilled doing so, the money is the bonus. A true gift is finding our "gift" in life and being able to do it as a profession. So many people are working at jobs that are meaningless and frustrating. I think you should follow your feelings as far as you can. Best of luck to you! fondly, Charlotte

Thank you folks for your comments. People who cannot be compassionate with the terminally ill and the elderly should not be in position to care for them. I sort of compare death to birth. It is an important life processes. I think it should be loved and respected. I mean by "loved" that we should celebrate the life of the person while they are here with us. Remember all the wonderful and happy times you had with them. Share that with them during that time(dying process). I think that's a great way to say goodbye. My Mother and I did that. We laughed and remembered all sorts of events that happened in the family. It sounds like I'm all well-adjusted and all...NOT! I'm grieving just like everyone else. Jodi, I'm also sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing. Marty, thank you for the resources. At this point, sometimes I don't even want to help myself. I want to get better and heal. It's just too much effort. I'm just SO tired. thank you to all, Charlotte

After a week of a "death coma", my Mother died. I don't want to share the horrible details...those who have gone through it and experienced it first hand know. She was delirious at times and said some really sad and frighting things. She called for her mother and told her she was dying - it was just unbearable to hear. She cried out many times, sometimes yelling and sobbing. There was more...nearing the end, within hours, there are alot of really horrible things the body goes through. These things keep flashing through my mind. I hate that I keep seeing her that way. She didn't suffer, Hospice took care of that. But still I see her going through all that. I guess this is just something a caregiver has to deal with, huh? If anyone wants to share their experience or has ideas of ways to shove this out of my mind I would greatly appreciate it. thank you, Charlotte

Anthony, I think it's very sweet you would want your Mom close like this. When my Dad died, my neice took his pillow to sleep on because it smelled like him and she felt closer to him. I think it's a beautiful gesture. I, on the other hand, cannot bear to look at anything that belonged to my Mother(she passed away in June). I kept quilts she made but I just can't bring myself to use them yet. It sounds to me like you have a very healthy way of dealing with your grief. Avoiding it, like I'm doing, is not the way. I'm hoping with time I can face things better. You ARE NOT crazy! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. No one grieves the same way and no one knows what it's like until the've lost a loved one. Take care Anthony. fondly, Charlotte

Micah, Your forum title really got my attention. My Mother passed away in June of this year. I had lost my job in May and moved her into our house in January. I was her full-time caregiver. It really gave me a sense of purpose. It was so hard, but at the same time it was sort of satisfying. I felt like I was able to repay her for the years she took care of me as a child. When she passed away felt lost and unfullfilled. I, like you, really didn't and still don't know who I am. I have a husband and 2 kids but caring for them isn't at all the same. I totally understand how you feel. The only thing that seems to help me is just staying busy. I try to have things and projects going to keep me busy. I pray you find peace and fullfullment. fondly, Charlotte

Yea, me too. My Mother passed away in June and sometimes I think...gee, I haven't talked to my Mom in a while, I'd better call her. There's always something I'd like to share with her...things about the kids, or things I'm doing to the house, you know, simple little things.

Hi there, I remember when my brother died the first emotion I felt was anger. I was mad at GOD. How could HE take someone so young who had a wife and four small children. I've been told that anger is a very natural and normal emotion to feel when having a loss like this. There is a progression of emotions. It will pass...it is normal and really expected under the circumstances. You'll get through this. Let time be your friend. Time doesn't make you forget, it makes it easier to remember. : ) I am sorry for your loss. I got a note recently from Hospice saying that sometimes it's better to change the plans you've always had for the holidays. You can never replicate what you had, but you can make new traditions. I hope this helps in some way. take care sweetie, Charlotte

LD, I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for your kind words. I am married to a very understanding man. We have a 20 yr. son and a 18 yr. daughter. The kids aren't very understanding but it helps to have my husband to talk to. I also see a therapist for counseling. That doesn't really seem to help either. Everyone says it helps to talk about it. I'm geting tired talking about it. I'd like to move on. Charlotte

Hello, I am new here and this is my story... One week before my high school graduation(1970) my 28 yr.old brother suddenly and unexpectedly died. He left behind a wife and four children, the youngest 2 weeks old. Our family was devestated. He was the oldest of three of us. I was many many, years before I could think if him without sobbing. Ten years ago after a long illness, my Father died. I was with him in the hospital and held him while he took his last breath. It was a really beautiful experience. His passing, although very sad, did not effect me as deeply. Mt Mother had spent her whole life taking care of my Dad no that he'd been ill-but she spoiled him to no end. His death devestated her. She no longer had a reason for living. She didn't have Daddy to take care of anymore. We moved her to a place closer to us so I'd be able to take care of her if needed and visit more often. Her health slowly began to fail. In May I was laid off my job and the 1st of January I had to move her in with us because she was no longer able to take care of herself. Two weeks later, she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was given 3-6 mos. to live. I tried to take care of her on my own but it got to be too much. In May I call Hospice....smart move! June 20th she passed away here with my brother and I at her bedside. She'd been in a coma for about a week before she passed. That was HORRIBLE! She said some very sad and scary things. It was VERY traumatic for me to hear it. Without going into everything, she and the rest of our immediate family had talked about her death and she had even planned and paid for her funeral. Ithought I'd really death with my grief before she actually passed away...WRONG! Now I feel so lost and sad without her here. We didn't get along that well but I guess I miss that too. Now I'm the oldest female in our family and my brother the oldest male. I take antidepressants but I still feel empty and sad. I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm not working...that's pretty traumatic too. Well that's my sad and depressing story. Thanks for listening. fondly, Charlotte