After six months in ICU waiting for a heart transplant, my oldest son passed away in March, 2010. Just two weeks prior to his death, his wife gave birth to a gorgeous daughter, their first child. My son was able to hold the baby every day thereafter, through the efforts of the excellent staff of the ICU.
We never told our son that his beloved grandfather had passed away in February. What a surprise that must have been for him when he was greeted in Heaven by his Papa!
Our 29 year old niece died in September. My ex-boss/friend committed suicide a month ago. And our daughter's best friend passed away two weeks ago, probably a drug overdose.
Nothing can have prepared us for all of this devastation. My husband and I live thousands of miles away from family, and have very few friends. Our town is just a wide spot in the road, and there are no grief counselors near enough to help us.
I miss my son so much that grieving for Dad and my niece hasn't even hit me. Each day I force myself out of bed, go to work, talk in the evenings on the phone with Mom and our other kids, then crawl into bed and hope to sleep through the night. My husband suffers as well, and we try to give each other comfort.
My son's wife told me that the pain of our loss will not go away, we will someday learn to live with it.
Some days I wonder if I'm still sane. Am I coping?
