Shady Wilbury

Thanks, Marty. I think you've hit the nail on the head with your observation about the 'element of self destruction'- part of me still wants to say "She [expletive] chose that?!' I know a fair bit of the background- it all went horribly wrong after she lost her fiancé in 2007, but I still can't believe that there's this anger, because when she was around and I heard about endless repeated hospitalisations, there was only ever time to be concerned for what the future might hold. (On three occasions, medical intervention was necessary to keep her here.) All those occasions are coming back, with the anger which I never expressed at the time. Then there's the root feeling of 'If I feel like this, I can't possibly have loved her?' Really appreciate your assistance, Casey

A beautiful song, Teeek. Would love to hear it if you can get a recording together. Music's a wonderful way to honour those we've lost.

Dear Teeek, I am so sorry for your losses. I have experienced similar situations. The loss that brought me here was that of an online friend. The cruelest thing is whatever the medium of the loss, they do seem to come one after the other. We're here for you when you need to vent, Casey

Hello, friends. I've been reading but not posting- the peace I found in January was short lived, as I received news of a friend in Tennessee's passing following a three year battle with anorexia. I'm finding myself in the midst of some major anger, which really isn't me- last time was just marked by a sadness that took a long while to go. I wish I could find a way through this. Casey

That's a wonderful story, Rachel. He sounds like a wonderful teacher...and what a wonderful way for their love to go on. You said you didn't know why you'd shared his story here, but I for one am pleased you did. Wishing you peace, Casey

Thanks, Marty. It made for an interesting read. Gives much to think about.

Just what I needed, now the 'move on brigade' have started again. Yeah, it's been four-ish years, but I still remember, I never want to forget. Thanks so much for sharing this. Gets me, but comforts as well.

Wow, and ouch. Beautiful song, but it still hits me hard. Thank you so much for sharing it- I long for the day when I can listen to it with just the wow factor.

Thanks for your input, Sharla. I think what I find so difficult is the lack of opportunity to say goodbye in a traditional way. Of course, now I have an opportunity to have one of my songs played on Mexican radio by a mutual friend, which was written in tribute to Chris. So, I pray that will be the thing that sparks a U-turn with this. But it can still be tricky, because the memories of her decline are still so prominent. Shady

This is a wonderful gift to all of us at this time of year, Marty. Thank you for sharing it.

Amen. It's been three and a half years since I lost my friend Chris, and I still remember the anguish of deleting her email from my contacts- that was after all, apart from instant messaging, the main way we stayed in contact. I still have all of the emails she sent me, but am not sure how long for, as I've read something about Hotmail deleting mail received from inactive email accounts. *shiver* I agree with the OP's decision to leave her husband's Facebook page as it is. It is good, in my view, to have as much as possible, as much as you're comfortable with, to remind you of the person you lost.

Hello, I am writing with permission from Marty to alert you to the existence of a blog I am starting, which has the aim of providing a place where those who have suffered the loss of somebody they knew primarily, or only, online can share their story, and hopefully seek support in dealing with their grief. The loss that brought me here initially was an online loss, a dear friend in Argentina passed three years ago, and I searched for a resource which would provide support for the particular type of loss I had experienced. No dice. So, I have started the blog. Feel free to visit and leave comments about what you would like to see there. "Shady" Navigating Cyberloss

I can't say I know how you feel, because I don't. So I won't. What I will say, however, is that the numbness and intense outbursts of emotion you report sound as though they are normal to me. After all, eight weeks is a very short amount of time, and you are probably still in shock from what has happened. It is perfectly normal to be in a fog this early on.

Thanks, Rachel. I'm pleased that you had that time with him. It still can't be easy, but having had that time must make it slightly easier. Really appreciate your thoughts.

Hello, all. I'm here to search for support in navigating the loss of a dear friend which actually occurred three and a half years ago. It was very unusual, because Chris and I never physically met. Me being in the UK, her being in Argentina, made it impossible. We came to know one another in 2006, through a George Harrison forum. She fought a lengthy battle with cancer (I'm no longer sure how long, because a mutual friend recently attempted to tell me that it was eight years, rather than the three I'd originally thought.) and passed away on April 8, 2007. I sought counselling for a year during the second year, but it was useless, spent more time looking into the bottom of a cup trying to find a way not to repeat myself than actually working through it. How can I manage this, or can you offer any advice on managing this? Thanks, Shady