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jch4078

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  1. About a month and a half ago my live in girl friend of over a year was hospitalized for bleeding of the esophagus. Shes an alcoholic and drinks allot of vodka for a little girl her size (120 lbs). She has a history of liver disease with alcoholic cirrhosis. After she got out of the hospital she proceeded to get drunk again every day and her mother and I convinced her to go to rehab. While in rehab she seemed to be doing great however towards the end of her stay her roommates discovered her throwing up in their toilets and it was confirmed the long suspected assumption that she is in fact bulimic as well. She got out of rehab on a Friday. On Saturday evening I returned home from the Roger Waters concert to discover her drunk and found her bottle of Smirnoff. I dumped it and the next day she got another and I dumped it as soon as I found it as well. On Monday she was hospitalized with a .38 BAC she denied even drinking that day claiming shes unique and its something with her liver. The doctor told her that she can't bullshit a bullshitter and that she had been drinking that day because there is no way that the blood test could come out that high without having had a drink. They told her shes gona wind up in dead real soon if she keeps it up and discharged her to my care although I tried my best to get them to keep her. That night I tried my hardest to find the bottle in the house but couldn't find it anywhere. The next morning Tuesday morning her mother came over and her and I basically told Nicole look if you don't go voluntarily to rehab your mother is going to the court house to fail and affidavit to have you committed to one which is called the Marchmen Act in my state. Her mother and I stepped outside to talk about what we were going to do. She would go to the court house and I would stay home and watch after Nicole. We were outside about ten minutes and came back inside to discover Nicole sprawled out on the floor in my extra bedroom with a handle of Smirnoff she had bought the day before with only a quarter of it left. I made her blow into my breathylyzer and it cuts off at .4 anything above that is H for high volume. She blew an H. Her mother proceeded to go to the court house while I watched Nicole. Nicole was unable to get up off the floor for at least an hour and when she did she went into the master bedroom to lay on the bed. I went in to have a few words with her. I tried to pierce her denial. I told her that the way shes living now shes like a parasite to society. I told her shes getting her disability checks and spending them on booze making herself sick and using her medicaid to waste the doctors time and money to help her when shes trying to kill herself. I told her shes also using her food stamp card to buy food and throw it up down the toilet when little hungry kids could be eating it. I said the way you live is disgusting but you could be so much more if you just put a little work into yourself. Those words hurt her and she started crying told me **** you **** off etc. At about this time her mother texted me on the phone that if I could step outside to call her. So i went out the front to talk. I was only talking for a few minutes when she had to go. I went inside and Nicole was no where to be found and she wasn't answering to her name. I looked everywhere frantically and then I thought **** I hope she didn't do that. I went on the back patio and looked down three stories to see her lying there in the grass and inch away from concrete. I though for sure she was dead so I ran down there as fast as I could dialing 911. When I got to her I discovered she was still conscious and still telling me **** you and trying to move her arms and legs. The operator told me to not touch her and tell her to be still. Just about the entire police department descended upon my condo. They had a Trauma helicopter come out to take her to the hospital. The detective took my statement and then I went down to the hospital to see her. The result of the injuries were a broken hip/pelvis a broken femur, broken arm and cocyx. She also had two small brain bleeds. The first two days she was in the hospital she was conscious but because of her liver disease her blood is thin so she started to bleed out internally from all the breaks and a small tear in her abdominal wall. They had to intubate her (breathing tube) and put her on diprivan to induce a comatose state. They gave her 30 units of blood and had to open up her abdomen to explore for bleeding. They removed her spleen and patched the hole in the abdominal lining. They left packed her abdomen and left her open so they could go back in a few days and if she wasn't bleeding anymore they would close her back up. 3 weeks later on December 10th she passed away. Her kidneys failed and liver failed the doctors said there was nothing more that could be done. The decision was made to remove the ventilator. I was able to say good bye and was there with her for much of her stay in the hospital. I am grateful that I was able to thank her for everything shes done for me and apologize if I ever did anything to hurt her. I told her how much I loved her and how much I would always love her. Although she was on a ventilator she was conscious her last day and could hear me and nod. When I was telling her good bye for the last time she looked me deeply in the eyes and I felt a deep connection between our souls that I will never forget. Now this woman had issues but she was a beautiful person. She came to me at a time when I had such low self esteem that I was far to nervous to approach a woman I was attracted too. On our first dates I was shaking with nerves and she would comfort me like a child. She was my first kiss and my first intimate partner. We were not together but a year but in that time we came so close together so fast it was like being married. I feel like no one understands my loss because of the shortness of our relationship and because of the problems she had I believe people think I should have left her behind a long time ago. I am glad that I didn't because I feel like she was a beautiful soul who deserved a loving partner through thick and thin. These last few days have been filled with anxiety and depression and constant sobbing. I am here sleeping in the bed we slept in. All her belongings are here. I feel like she gave me the gift of confidence that I needed to love a partner but now I feel like if I move on which obviously I will have to at some point being I am only 26 that I will be abandoning her. I know that she will want me to be happy but I don't know how anyone else could ever fill the void she has left. I told her I will see her again one day in heaven and god knows I love her so much, if I ever find another lover is there enough room for us all? I know this sounds like a silly question but these are the crazy thoughts that fill my mind.
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