nanasbaby

Hello its been a long time since I have posted. When my mother passed away on December 26, 2010 I was living in my own apartment. Due to circumstances beyond my control, my children and I are now living with my father. Ever since my mother passed away, Ive been treated like hired help instead of a member of the family. My father is literally obsessed with my sister. He was the way before my mother passed away but now its even worse. Now that my mother is gone, he makes it very clear that he prefers my sister over me and has told her she is "better " than me. He goes on vacation with her, goes out to dinner etc. The only thing he wants to know from me is "Is there anymore icecream..or can you get me some more sodas when you go to the store.." We have a home health attendant for my Dad, he treats me no different than he treats her. I work from home and I have three children. Even before I moved in, he would call me only because he wanted me to do something, but when it comes to doing any sort of fun family t things l. my children and I are not included. The only time we were included was when I planned a surprise birthday dinner for my sister. My mother made sure I was treated kindly. She took alot of time with me and my girls. My father only cares about my sister. Im feeling very depressed and miserable living in this house. Ive never had a good relationship with my father. My mother and I were very close. Has anyone else's relationship with the surviving parents gotten worse...Thanks for listening.

Sometimes I feel like I dont have the right to feel the way I do. I have a close who lost his fiancee suddenly three years ago and then his mother a year ago. So in comparison, my loss is very different. Yet, I feel so sad every day. I wake up and the first thing I think is that my mother is gone. Every night I go into the bathroom and cry. Its usually about the same time every night. Like I told a friend, when my mother first passed away, I felt relieved..Im done feeling relieved, I want her back. She was my best friend, the one who encouraged me, comforted me scolded me, loved me unconditionally...I dont feel I have that in my life anymore..at this point I feel more like everyone's personal slave/assistant.

Oh Bella I could have written your post myself. I feel the same way...

Hello everyone. I dont know if its due to losing my mother or if Im just a loser, but I dont know whats going on with me. I dont feel like my life has any meaning right now. I know my mother was eighty three and perhaps I shouldnt be acting the way I do..but it seems to be getting more difficult. Its not as if I cry uncontrollably every day, but I feel angry and moody most of the time. Not to mention that Ive been in a so called relationship for the past couple of months and the relationship consists of me being verbally abused by this so called friend. I find myself being very emotional, quick to get angry, Im wondering if its part of grief or if Im being too sensitive. My so called friend keeps calling me a two year old ..a baby...etc. I know my mother wouldnt even want me to deal with this person...but thats another post altogether. Even at work I find myself being moody etc. I know one thing, I cannot stand to be in my parents home for more than a few hours. I was there all day yesterday for eight hours and it felt like torture. Its too quiet and too sad without my mom. She has been gone since December 26th.

I miss everything about my mom. EVERYTHING. I miss hearing her voice. Her southern accent even though she lived in NYC for well over 50 years of her life. I miss her cooking. I miss racing through the door and smothering her in kisses. I miss her getting mad at me for missing her call. I miss her playing with the girls. I miss her compliments. I miss her being with my father every moment of every day. Her beautiful face.

BellaRose you sound like me...It will be six months in June. Every morning I wake up and say to myself "I cant believe she is gone.." Just this morning I said to myself, "I cant wait to see her.." even though I know thats not possible. Nothing feels the same. I try to keep myself extra busy because I feel I am no longer capable of having rest or relaxation.

Kawaii Nicole your mother and my daughter share a birthday. This is also my first Mother's Day without my mother. Im dreading Sunday. Last year I bought her a giant card and its still sitting in the livingroom.

My mother's birthday was April 2nd and my sister's birthday is April 3rd. We didnt even mention Mom's birthday.We had a cake for my sister the next day...Im dreading Mothers' day so much..because its also my daughters' birthday.

My thoughts are with you Amy and everyone else facing these special days without their parents. I was just thinking about this the other night. My mother's birthday is April 2nd. The day before my sister's birthday. My sister always come to visit during the week of her and my mother's birthday. But what are we going to do on Mom's birthday this year. Im still going to buy her a card. Mother's Day is going to be tough.

Missin Her. Im sorry for your loss. You are very courageous and thoughtful. You mentioned something that was my fear while my mother was quite ill. I feared I would find out about her passing on facebook. I think family members should be very careful when posting such news on facebook. For instance, the day she passed away a relative posted it on her page. I didnt want it posted on facebook because then I would have to look at it every day. So after she posted something..I was forced to make the announcement via facebook. I left the post up for about fifteen minutes. Anyway, Im very sorry about your grandmother...hope you are finding peace and comfort.

I can really relate to you Sunshine. First Im sorry for the loss of your dear mother. We had a few long hard months to prepare for e mother's death. I cried more during the anticipation than I do now. That doesnt mean I dont cry every day, but while she was ill I sobbed all the time from September until December. Two weeks before she passed away, I was told she could pass away at any time and I cried very hard. However in that last week, something in my heart told me it was really time. When I got the call we all dread, I was calm. Looking back I dont know how I made it through the last day..I got the warning call at 9am...but it was not official until 5:53pm. Those hours were spent crying, praying, but still calm. When I saw her on the day she was laid to rest, she looked beautiful, peaceful. Your tears may or may not come but that wont stop the love you have for your mother.

I lost my mother two months ago too. The "relief" has most certainly worn off. I think the beautiful spring weather is making things even worse. Somehow being closed up due tou cold weather was a protection. Now we are entering her favorite time of the year. She used to love to plant flowers and sit on patio in her straw hat and wave at the neighbors. When the weather got nice she and my father stayed quite busy. Things are so much harder than we ever imagine or are willing to say. My father's birthday was last Friday, and none of us really felt like celebrating but no one actually said it. Does that make sense ? Every day I cry. Yesterday I got so angry. I keep thinking back to the day we buried our mother..

Im sorry for your loss Colleen. Im so happy to hear about the time you were able to spend with your father. My mother passed away on December 26th. She was 83. I thought she would live to be a 100 because she was very active, vibrant, and so much fun to be around. Her memory was gradually declining, it was not yet serious, but she would ask a question then ask it again ten minutes later. How I miss that !!! I miss her voice. I miss her cooking. I tried to make her amazing waffles today..and it didnt come out right. I thought for a moment, "I'll just ask Mom how she makes them.." forgetting that she's gone hurts very much. I wish you peace and comfort.

Feel free to share your grief here. I know a bit how you feel. I cry at the oddest times too. On the way home yesterday I began thinking that my mother will never open the door for me again when I go to their house to visit. Nights are the worst. I cry every night...its the first thing I think of in the morning...no matter how good my mood is when I wake up.

Im sorry Cat Lady. It must be so difficult. I have until April to reach that milestone. However this month is my Dad's birthday and my sister wants to plan to do something special..now thats going to be hard..they were together for over sixty years so there was never an event that didnt include Mom. I cant say Im numb, but I dont like to think too far ahead anymore. I try to keep as busy as possible and not leave too much time for thinking.

Im so sorry for the loss of your father. Everyone's situation is so different and there is no right or wrong way to react to the loss. My mother passed away on December 26th. She was 83 and had been very ill since September. I still feel robbed. I cry every night and I say that I only had her for a short time. Im forty one. My children are 7, 9, and 11. To lose a parent suddenly is something I cannot imagine. I can tell you that your child is a blessed distraction from the sadness at least thats how I see mine. No matter how sad I am, I have to keep going for them. But its hard. Its only been a month for me so Im still afraid of what lies ahead...I wish you peace and comfort.

Im with you on the anger issue...as I listened to all of the stories about the Congresswoman who is recovering...I got angry when I heard all of the phrases I got so used to hearing...ventilator...ICU...breathing on her own..My mother never breathed on her own again..the rehabilitation center did nothing for her..That should have been her story..out of the ICU..into rehab and on her way home...I dont care if she was 83. She had alot more living to do. Heck Jack LaLanne made it to 96.

I lost my mother one month ago, and the sadness is always there but the tears come in spurts. The first thing I did this morning was cry. When I think back to the day of her memorial, I cry..I feel as if I failed her....

Im so sorry for your loss. Your mother passed away two weeks after mine. Im still in shock and disbelief. I dont have the right words of comfort..

Im so sorry that you are having a bad day. Im new to this so I have no good advice. Just wanted to say Im here.

Im sorry for your loss Danosgirl. I love your outlook on life.

Hello Grace,' My mother passed away a few days after yours on the 26th of December. I was surprised to hear my sister say right after the funeral that she would be coming back this week to start to pack her things. Well I noticed that it didnt happen as quickly as she had originally stated. She cleaned up the room my mother used to keep most of her things, but she did not remove any clothes. Today I took some things home to my house since my mother and I are about the same size but she bragged that she was slimmer than me right before she passed away )) Even my father said it was no rush for me to take any of the things..and took that to mean that he didnt want every trace of my mother gone either. I looked at one of her favorite shirts that she always wore, and I cried. Right now Im siting here in her bathrobe. It doesnt seem right. My mother and I were close but she didnt want me wearing her clothes because I always mess things up. Im panicking about getting anything on her robe or her clothes. She took excellent care of her clothing. I want to leave everything where it is, besides its not like my father is moving out any time soon. Its hard to look at the photos of my parents...they were always so happy.

I listen to CBS Radio all the time and I heard a great story about Hospice of the Valley. I feel proud to belong to this group.