Cat_Lady

Thanks for sharing your experience...it is a comfort knowing someone else is going/has gone through a similar situation and come out the other side. I have been crying and emotional for the last few days and hope that I will feel some better after the actual anniversary has past.

Jan 4th will the the 1st anniversary on my Mother's passing. This has been the longest year of my life, even though I lost my Dad in 1999, because Mom and I always had each other. Maybe it is because I am an only child but I feel totally alone. I do have a husband and daughter but none of the other relationships in my life seem to fill the void without Mom. Each holiday this year, including my 50th birthday and my 25th wedding anniversary seemed painful and lonely. I know that she wants me to move forward and be happy and I want that too, but I was reallt hoping to be further along in the grief process. I know that their is no schedule for grief but with the 1st anniversary approaching I feel like I am taking a step backwards. Any insight or support from anyone would be really appreciated.

I am so sorry that you have lost your Mom...my Mom died January 4 2011, and I understand what you mean about life just going on. I have had many ups and downs in the months since she died. I have found a lot of comfort here so please keep coming back. We all need each other and benefit for our sharing. I am dreading Christmas so much I can think of nothing else. We always spent it together, with Mom staying at our house for the week of Christmas and New Years Eve. I think we are going to go away this year because I really believe that I cannot be here and survive it. There are moments when I think she is still here and I would give anything just to hug here and tell her that I love her...but those days are gone forever. I am sure you will be glad you came here because we all need each other. Hanging in there and give yourself lots of space and time...cut yourself lots of slack because this process takes time.

Today is really tough. I think it started last night when I heard my daughter cry out in the night. I ran in to find her crying and begging. She said she thought that my Mom/her Grandma had been there visiting and sitting on the side of her bed just stroking her hair...and when she woke she realized the sad truth that would never happen again. I guess it just reminds me of how much we have all lost and yet again how real it is. One day at a time...right?

The six month mark since my Mom passed was June 4, so I do have some understanding of how you are feeling. Each "first" is very difficult and brings up surprising memories and emotions. What you are feeling seems quite normal, from what I have read of others on this site, if this is any comfort. I too feel like I am drifting through each day, almost like I am not in my own body. But I can assure you that coming here and share with each other gives the comfort of knowing that you are not going through this alone and that others are at different stages of their grief..some can advise you and perhaps they may be someone you can help or support. Hang in there, knowing that we are all here to help and support you in any way that we can. Linda

Hi All, It just seems that everytime I put one for forward, I take two steps back. Everything in my life seems magnified since Mom died. I am finding it hard to find or appreciate anything. I feel angry and betrayed by everyone. It feels like friends and family are keeping their distance. I am glad that I am seeing my counselor tomorrow, she has been on holidays for a month, and I don't know what I would do if I had to go any longer with being able to talk to her. Sometimes it just doesn't seem like anyone cares or that I matter to anyone anymore.

Everyone, thanks for your support. Coming here really does help and knowing other people are having similar feeling is really a comfort! I have had times when I have pushed the feelings down/aside and it works for a while but you always get the rebound eventually. I know Mom would not want me to be sad but I also know we knew me well enough to know how much I would miss her, so I am just trying to take it one day at a time. Let's just all keep posting to support each other, good days and bad. Thanks so much to you all, Linda

So sorry to hear Shelley. I have had cats over the years and they become a real loved member of the family. Hang in there and we are all here for you. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers,

I have been here off and on since january when my Mom died. As with others posting here, my friends and family were supportive at the time but as time goes by it seems everyone is falling away. My husband is a great guy but emotionally detached and always has been. My daughter has anxiety issues and misses her grandmother alot. I am an only child and my Dad died in 1999. The only relatives I have left are 3 cousins with whom I have never been close and who don't live even in the same province. My Mom was my rock and we were best friends and I see now, moer than ever, how her support kept me going. She would encourage me with my daughter, comfort and support me with my husband, and love me unconditionally. Now that she is gone, it seems that all these issues that have been in my life for so long seem too much to handle. No on seems to be there for me anymore. It is like I have taken off the Rose Colored Glasses and see how lacking my life really is. How my friends pulled away while I was raising my daughter with my workaholic never home husband and then while I was caring for Mom after Dad died. Now there is no one but me ... I feel so all alone. I did reconnect with an old friend, who lost his Dad in December, and we seemed to be able to help each other by talking about how we felt. Now it seems that even he is pulling away. I know that I am not a bad person but what is happening? How did I get to be so alone? How am I going to keep moving forward with all this darkness and loneliness? Please, if anyone has advice I would really appreciate it. Linda

I am so very sorry for the loss of Grandma. I started coming here after the death of my Mom in January. I hear what you are saying and it is unfair of others to tell you how to cope. The advice I have been getting and would offer back to you is to greive as much and however you need. I do believe that there are some losses we never get over, nor should we. These people who were so close to us and so influenced our daily lives deserve to be kept in our hearts. People say we will learn to live this these losses yet never be the same, and I am now starting to see this myself. Keep coming here because we are all in this struggle together and it is true that only those who have lost someone so very dear can understand what you are going through. We are here for you. Hugs and prayers.

Hi, I come here yet again searching, and it seems to be all I do lately. This will be the first Mother's Day without my Mom and hearing people talk about it makes me so emotional. She was my best friend and advocate and loved me unconditionally. I know I was very fortunate but the downside is so painful and I feel so alone and lost. I am in counselling but sometimes I think the only people that can understand are those that have been in our shoes.

Today is going to be really tough. My Mom and I had plans to celebrate my 50th birthday today but she is gone and I feel like I am here all alone. She was my rock and always knew what to say and how to help and support me. I really never thought how hard it would be to celebrate without her. Easter was really tough but now my birthday is even harder. She always made it special, even in some small way over the last years since my Dad passed away. My husband is not close with his family and so there is little or no support for me there. Sometimes it seems like I just don't know how to keep going without her.

Dear Emptyinside, I want you to know that you are not alone in how you feel. What you are feeling is quite normal. If you have been to this site before, you will have seen that many of us here struggle with the rollercoaster ride of loneliness and lack of motivation associated with the loss of a loved one. I lost my Mom on January 4, 2011, and cannot count the number of time I have wished for just one more talk or hug. I can say that there is comfort in knowing that others have gone and are going through similar feelings. Keep coming back and we can all support each other as we share this difficult road to rediscovery of our lives without our loved ones.

Thanks to you all for your support. It is always good to hear that I am not losing my mind. I realize that in terms of time, it really is still very recent. Hearing how everyone else copes gives me comfort that somewhere out there is some solace somewhere.

Hey everyone. I am really struggling these days. I think it has to do with Easter, my upcoming 50th birthday (on th 26th) and Mother's Day. I was out driving and was drawn to go out to the cemetery. This was my 1st visit since she passed January 4th and we buried her. I have been on a real rollercoaster ride of emotions lately; questioning everything in my life and maybe I thought if I went to see her I could talk with her somehow. It was a disaster. The ground was settled and there was no grass yet. It looked so fresh that I thought I was back on the day we buried her. I cannot stop crying and seem to be inconsolable the last week or so. Usually my husband and I go away for my birthday but I cannot even think of it. He thinks we should get away and spend some time together, and that it would do me good. What is wrong with me? Why can't I find pleasure in anything?

Thank you for reminding me of the perils of this emotional rollercoaster of a ride we call grief. I did communicate with this old friend and, as usual, communication clears up many uncertainties. Your advice was both wise and sound. It is wonderful to have a place like this is tlak about so many different aspects of the grieving process. Chatting with others who are or have experienced grief is a great comfort during this time of confusion.

I am now so very lost. About a month ago, I came in contact with an old friend (from 30 years ago). We each discovered that we had lost a parent since December 2010. We are both somewhat alone in our lives and it seemed like fate had given us each someone to talk to and share with. We talked online, we met and had coffee/tea and seemed to reconnect and be very understanding of each other. We discussed where our lives had gone over the last 30 years. We seemed to be connecting and now he wants to pull away. We each have our own lives and kids but I thought we were becoming close friends. Now it seems, the one friend who understands is pulling away. Can life be so cruel as to take someone away from me with which I had just reconnected? Mom died on January 4th and my pain is still so severe and incapacitating but this one friend seemed to understand. I want to keep him as a friend -- is this a normal response? What should I do? Am I just to vulnerable right now to be trying to build a friendship? How can this all be happening? I feel so alone and so much despair. Someone help me?

Dear Neicy, I am so sorry for the loss of both your parents. I too have lost both parents, most recently my Mom in January this year. I wish I could say that time heals this loss but I am still struggling. I can say that coming here and the support of the others who have experienced loss is a great comfort. Please keep coming back so that we can all be here and comfort one another and share.

This is sucha wonderful poem. It really sums up where I hope tobe sometime down the road when the painis not so fresh and I can again look forward instead of just back.

I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad. I know what it is to lose a parent as my Mom passed away on January 4th, 2011 (my Dad is also gone in 1999). Yesterday I came back for the first time in a while with many the same feeling you seem to be expressing. You are fortunate to have your job as a distraction and I think this may help you. I am not working right now and I all I have to do is live with my grief. It is does seem strange how other people seem to move on so quickly. People have told me that it is still very early and that I should not expect too much of myself, and so I pass this advice on to you. Losing a parent is devastating. There are no two ways about that but try surrounding yourself with loved ones and perhaps even though they cannot experience your grief with you, they can be there to help you pick yourself up when you need it. Coming here to express myself is of great help to me. I can see other people, like yourself, struggling and be reassured that my feelings are perfectly normal. Grief is going to be a long process but with the help of people, like the ones here, you will get through it one day at a time. My greatest hope is that our parents in heaven are free of all kind of suffering and that they can look down on us and know that we will eventually come out the other side of our grief. Take extra good care of yourself ... you deserve it.

I have really been struggling since Mom passed on Jan 4th this year. My family does not seem to understand my grief but I have reconnected with an old friend and he lost his Dad in December 2010. It seems we have a lot of things in common despite the passing of many years without contact. Does this seem normal? I cannot seem to connect with my family but I can with this long ago close friend?

Thank you all! It really does help talking with others who understand. I know Mom would know exactly what to say. I know she would want me to just keep going "one day at a time". Spring is going to be really hard as it was her favourite time of year too. I have a daughter, with special needs, and I have to get through each day for her, just like Mom did for me. I said to my husband just this morning "we can't have it both ways ... if we were fortunate enough to have a great relationship while she was here, them we must suffer through our loss now that she is gone". You all give me strength and hope. I hope sometime to be able to return the favour. (Hugs)