Ashley's Mom

Josh's Mom, My heart feels your pain and sorrow. You are so fresh in your grief and I know it is unbearable. I too have lost my child. My sweet 20 yr. old angel Ashley. She was in her 4th year of college, just two day's into classes. I remember the day as if it were yesterday. She called me up Aug 25, 2005 at 11:30 am and said, "Mom my head is killing me (she didn't know how litteral those words would be, and neither did I). She told me she had to leave class early because it hurt so bad she was going to start crying. I don't know if she ever did have a chance to cry. I told her to go see a Doc but she said she was just going to take some motrin and lay down. I told her to call me when she woke up so I would know how she was doing. I received a blessing and was able to tell her I loved her, and she said the same to me. It would be our last conversation. At 12:00 noon we received the dreaded call from her roommates. They were in the same class together and as soon as class was over they went to the dorm to check on Ashley. They found her unconscious, eyes rolled back in her head, and she had vomitted. We were a two hour drive from the hospital, and for whatever reason, I said to my husband, "I hope she is not in a coma." To this day I have no idea how I could know that, but she was, and never came out of it. When we arrived at the hospital they had already drilled a hole in her scalp to try and realse the pressure on her brain, she had a brain aneurysm. She was on life support because she wasn't breathing on her own. The first Neuor surgeon we saw said she would not get any better and is brain dead. We couldn't accept that. The second one said he would like to give her two days to see if she improves. The next day he came in, he said it didn't look good. I screamed and told him, "You said two days, it has only been one, we haven't given up on her and don't you." The third day, the 27th, we performed a healing, our Pastor, two other pastor's, and myself. A tear fell down the middle of her face (the tear ducts are the ONLY way a person in a coma can communicate). It was the only physical sign we had gotten from her the entire hospital stay. The room had a very strong breeze go through it, and then Ashley started to breathe on her own. Yes, we were very excited, hope had returned only to be destroyed on Aug 30th. As long as she could breathe at least 10 breaths per minute they would keep her on life support. They had the authority to take her off life support, we did not because our daughter was an organ donor. It was her decision and if it had been up to us I'm not so sure we could have done it. Her breaths were good up until the 30th. It was over and they declared her legally brain dead. We left the hospital Sep 2nd without our daughter. We stayed until the organ process was complete. I hope I never, never, have to do that again. Josh's Mom it has been almost 9 months and the pain is as fresh as the minute we walked in the hospital. They say it gets easier, I say it gets harder. I cannot get the image of her lying in that hospital bed, hooked up to a million things, out of my HEAD. I need know if she was in extreme pain. I get out of bed everyday because I have too, and I only have one HOPE of ever seeing my daughter again. The reunion in Heaven with our Heavenly Father. Somedays I say hey, I'm going to make it without crying and missing her and the next thing I know, I'm picking myself up off the floor. Two things are sustaining me right now. One the tear she shed in the hospital, was it hers, was it Jesus' or was it both. Another one was a big fat "A" in the sky that i took a picture of. If you would like to see it and read about it, you could go to my daughter's website. www.memory-of.com and type in her name, Ashley Trapp. Again, my heart goes out to you, and I will pray and ask God to comfort you and to give you peace. If you would like to talk my e-mail is suefishwild@yahoo.com Peace and Comfort to you, and God Bless Ashley's Mom (Sue)