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Anne3

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Everything posted by Anne3

  1. I too am dreading Sunday. This is my first Mother's day without my Mom as well. My mom would want me to celebrate with my children and I will somewhat. Part of the day will just be for me to remember my Mom. I can't think of a time yet when i will be as strong as mom would have wanted me to be. I know what she would be saying but I too say just give me more time Mom. I can't think too far ahead in the future these days, it is too painful. I would sleep the day completely away but I know I must make some attempt for my own children. That's what she would want me to pass on, those loving times that I hold so close to my heart from own childhood. I hope everyone does what ever they need to do to get through the day. <<hugs>>
  2. Cat_Lady, I don't know how to heal either, all I do is continue to live day and do the best I can. It has been six weeks since I lost my Mom who was my rock and I have waves of hurt and agony where I feel like I'm going to literally break into two, I let it out and then I continue on. I feel alone and empty but I have to keep going as I have children who depend on me. What helps for me is to remember what my mom would have told me (she was all about doing what you need to do) and then keep putting one foot in front of the other. That's the best I can do right now and I am okay with that. I hope you find something that will help you get through the day. When I think too far ahead it doesn't help so I just try to get through each day and if I break down then I let it out and keep going on with my day. I also feel comfort just sharing with others who understand. {hugs}
  3. Trying2Cope, I could also have written those words. It is 22 days since I lost my Mom, my world. I still think some days are on auto-pilot as it hurts so much to think of my life without her. I keep hearing that my memories will bring me smiles, but right now they make me miss her more. I just wanted you to know that I too know how hard it is and feel your pain.
  4. BellaRosa I have been feeling those same feelings. I have been getting hit by tidal waves of raw grief and it is terrible. I have this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach all the time. I have some people who think i should be being stronger. Well I feel like my world is shattered and there's not much i'm going to be able to do to put it back together. I wonder how people go on, I know that they do, but I just feel so empty.
  5. BellaRosa, I just lost my mom two weeks ago and I know what its like to just want your mom. I am glad I found this site to share my feelings with others who know what you are going through. Anytime, I know I can come here and not feel like there is anything wrong with how I am feeling. I hope you know that these are normal feelings so I am told. I have been getting a lot of support and am grateful but there are times that I feel even lonelier with others because i know they are trying to help but there is only one person i need and i no longer have her to hug me and tell me that i will be okay. I have been talking to others who have lost there mother a long time ago and I find that helps as well. Even though I can't think about that far ahead yet, still taking it one day at a time, and sometimes one hour at a time.
  6. trying2cope, i lost my mom on January 22, 2011 and I too am feeling robbed. Everyday is a struggle. I can't believe in two days it will be two weeks. There are times I just want to curl up in my bed and stay there for a week. I go to work look after the kids and try to keep functioning but inside I am still a mess. I try not to think too far ahead because everything reminds me of mom. We went everywhere together with my kids so this is hard for them as well. I will be here to help you if I can as we try to put one foot in front of the other.
  7. Thank you 2sweetgirls. I am having such despair tonight. I feel the need for a hug from my mom. Feels like I am five but thats how I feel. Just try to get through tonight.
  8. Thank you to all. It really helps when others know how I feel. I have waves of sadness all day long. Today I had some parts that were ok then it would hit me all over again. I think my world turned gray and I am just going through the motions right now. I am trying my best with the kids but it is so very hard to look at them and think your precious grandma who loved you so much will not be there to tell her about your exciting moments at school or some cute thing that they will do. The first thing I always did was "I have to tell grandma". I feel so hollow. I know she would want me to get on with being a mother and I am somewhat but it is so hard. I hope they don't forget my mom. I know my older two won't but i worry for my youngest who just turned six. They were always together doing their special things just grandma and her. Thank you
  9. Hello Everyone, I really can't believe that I am writing this. In my mind I thought I would have my mom for another 20 years or at least I hoped. My mother died January 22 in her sleep and I woke up that morning to my father telling me that mom was gone. I think I was in shock the whole week. I felt like I was in a bad nightmare and no one was waking me up. I vaguely remember who I seen and what was said. I still find times where I think, did this just happen? She must be just gone away for a bit, then she'll be home. I am 39 years old and a mother of three. I think I should be doing so much better than I am at my age. My mother was the best grandma who loved spending time with my kids. They had many adventures and I am so devastated that they have lost such an important person in their lives. She had chronic pain for a long time due to her RA but it was nothing that I thought would take her away. I have a very supportive family of aunts that loved her dearly but while i love them, they are not my mom, and I so long for my mom to hug me and tell me everything will be alright. Sorry I think I have lost my mind somewhere. I returned to work a week later and am functioning somewhat but feel so very much alone. While I am lucky to still have my father, he is not my mom. The one who I could tell everything to, whether we agreed or not. I still feel numb and somewhat in denial. Thanks for letting me share that with you.
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