dimason1987

Anne, I found this website last night and here I am too ... I wrote to "trying2cope" as she lost her father on Jan 21. And I saw your post about your mom. My father, who was a healthy 66 yr old man, complained of heartburn and took some tums before he went to bed. Died in his sleep too. I've seen my mom failing due to various hip replacements, back surgery, COPD, hypertention... you name it - but my dad? Really? I thought he would live for another 20 yrs! As I mentioned to "trying2cope" - I am a 41 yr old mother of 4 (kids are 19/7/5/1) yes they keep me young and on my toes. My father and I had a falling out on May 1st, 2010 over my 19 yr old son and tough love that I was attempting. My father intervened after many pleas to let me handle things - he refused and the rest I guess is history. I refused to speak w/him the past 8 months. He asked many times via email and thru relatives. I simply wasnt ready. I was seeing a Dr and found myself returning to church in hopes of finding a way to forgive him. But another plan was in store for me and my dad. I did not make amends, as I hoped to one day and he died not knowing how much I truly did love him. I am so numb. I feel like I am in a haze. Like a lala land. Kids definitely distract me but I feel like mommy needs to cry. It hits me in the car when a sad song comes on. Or when I see a picture of him. It breaks my heart! And even more that my 3 littles will probably not remember him! Especially my little boy who is 14 months - he was five months when my dad saw him last. Every time I look into my little boys eyes it breaks my heart that I kept my dad from knowing him. I hope that we can keep in touch ...

Hello, I spent some time searching last night for a website for griefing a loved one and saw your post. We have something in common. My father passed away suddenly on January 20th, 2011. A date that will forever change my life. He was an active, healthy, 66 yr old man who died in his sleep after complaining of heartburn and taking some tums. I am a 41 yr old mother of 4 (kids ages 19/7/4/1) I'm not sure which was is up or which was is down. Questioning my Catholic beliefs of heaven and God. I feel like I'm walking around in a haze. My story is a little more complicated than yours. My father and I had a falling out on May 1st over my teenage son and my attempt of tough love. I was angry with him and chose not to speak with him and keep my little ones away for the past 8 months. He died not knowing I didnt think of our situation being forever and I needed time to get over myself being angry. I was seeing a Dr. and returned to church to find a way to forgiveness. But God had another plan and yet again my father sends me another life lesson. My heart is broken and I pray to God he knew how much I loved him. I'm not sure why I am writing to you ... maybe to say you are not alone. I have good moments and then I hear a sad song and sob uncontrollably. It definitely feels like a hole in my heart. And having four children / 3 of which will not remember him breaks my heart! I'm scared that 2011 is going to be a bad year. Wondering if I will die or my mother ... waiting for the next tragedy. Dreaming of him every night. Seeing his face in the casket and feeling his cold forehead on my lips as I kissed him goodbye. Sending you hugs Trying2cope. I guess all we can do it make every minute count and take one day at a time ... good ones and the bad. Sucks! Totally sucks! I'm with you!