lostinthought

Cowboy Daughter, It hurts!!! I know how you feel. That's sort of how it feels with my grandmother. My husband made the comment that the other day when he stopped in to check on her he said she was "glowing"?!? I understand that everyone deals with grief in their own way but I couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose my husband and we've on been together for 12 years. She had been married to the man for 26 yrs. He took care of her. The whole time he was sick she was in denial. Kept saying he was going to get better. Even when hospice stepped in she refused to aknowledge how sick he actually was. I don't know maybe I'm just frustrated and wish she felt like me! I'm sorry we both have to deal with our crappy families...but sometimes you have to play the hand you're dealt. Doesn't mean we have to sit back and agree with things. I have chosen to pull away and not put myself through all that. Atleast until I heal...

Thank you everyone...I understand what you mean 2sweetgirls. I too am lashing out at my husband for the craziest of things. I tried to apologize yesterday for it but I really don't feel like he really understand. We have both lost loved ones over the years but nobody as close as my papa and I. It is really hard going to the house where he's always been...but I don't think its all that when it comes to my grandmother. I am finding it really hard to even talk to her on the phone. A lot of things transpired with so called "family" when papa got sick and then later passed away and her response to some of the thimgs were "Oh honey just look over" or "They're really busy" BUSY!!! Nobody is any busier than me! I have 3 kids, a full time high stressed job, girl scout leader, and my kids are involved in sports but I dropped everything to make his last days less miserable and would do it all over again and not think twice! But yet she is soaking up all the attention from her children and saying "Now maybe they'll come see me" What...they were too good to visit you when he was alive but now that he's dead they'll come visit. She says "oh they new he was taking care of me. That's why they didn't come" BULL!!! I've been married for 12 years to a great man but my pappa still checked on me often and visited. As for trying to spend a little alone time with grandma, I've tried but my aunt (who happened to be the one who has just been evil to me. Even went so far as to be disrespectful to me at my paps funeral) is always around. She's unemployed and has been mooching off my grandma for the last 10 years. I think its just going to take some time. Thank you all so much for letting me vent and not judging. Sometimes I feel out of control. I hate that feeling. I'm usually the go to person who everyone goes to if they need help or a shoulder to cry on. Now I can't tell if I'm coming or going. This too I hope shall eventually pass... Love lostinthought

I wish I had an answer. I too am going through the same thing. Today has been really tough. I don't understand how to deal. I lost my grandfather in Dec. 2010 and it seem like the grief is getting worse. He was everything to me. He raised me like I was his own child. I miss him sooo much.

I don't understand why I am feeling the way I am. I lost my grandfather on December 14, 2010 to end stage renal failure and CHF. He married my grandmother when I was 6 and has taken care of me ever since. He was my rock. I loved him dearly and miss him more and more with every passing day. I don't know what to do or where to turn. He was 86 at the time of his death and I cherish the final days we spent together. He was placed with Hospice during the last couple weeks before his death. I brought him home with me when it became to hard for my grandmother to take care of him. I refused to let him be placed in the hospice house. Only because I knew how important it was for him to be with family. My husband and kids were wonderful. The day he passed still haunts me. The hardest thing for me was having to watch him go from being extremely independant to totally dependent and delusional. It was so hard! My heart just breaks remembering those final days. None of my family (my aunts and uncles from my grandmothers first marriage) stepped up to help. One of my aunts is unemployed, no kids at home, and lived in my grandmothers old house, 5 miles down the road from them, rent free. She could have atleast helped. They felt like grandma should hire someone to take care of him. They rarely visited him before he got sick. He was always good to them and never thought harshly of them for not seeing their momma often. Papa's son was stationed halfway across the country and tried to be there emotionally. It killed him not making it before he passed. He was in route (1 hour away) the morning he passed. Anyway, the time after his death was a blur for me. It seemed like everyone expected/demanded I take over funeral arrangements on grandmas behalf. Looking back I really don't think I was able to go through the grieving process because I was trying to be strong for my grandmother. Now she's the one who looks like she dealing GREAT! While I am breaking down at the oddest of times. I'm lashing out at my husband and children. Just out of the blue I will break down and cry. Today has been awful. I miss our weekly chats. He would always call me by the end of the week if I haven't called first. He would say "I haven't heard from my baby this week. I just wanted to make sure you had a good week." I MISS THAT! He was the one person I knew I could depend on no matter what. I am also dealing with a lot of anger towards my mom, aunts, and uncles. Now they are all coming around to see grandma and she is just enjoying every minute of. Its like she doesn't remember the last 26 years of how they treated her. They remind me of vulchers swarming over a freshly dead carcass! I hate feeling this way but My grandfather was a good man. I hate knowing that now they will come. My mom didn't even come to the funeral. She said her car was broke. I tried calling her 4 times the day of the setting up to let her know I would go and get her but she ignored my call. I can't even go around my grandmother right now. It just hurts too much. I hate feeling this way. This isn't me. I feel like my husband doesn't understand. I'm totally lost!