Amy Wamy

I've just popped onto the forum, as I do every now and then, and I've seen this! Thank you for sharing, Marty, really helpful article!

Hello! Every now and then, I'll find myself drifting away from this forum, but for some reason, I always end up back here reading and thinking. So, I'll explain the title of this post - "Is it Grief, or Just...Life?". Basically, I don't know what's going on. I'm in my final year at University and I have lost interest in my course (I'm studying Music Composition for Film and Games), but not music itself - I still love playing my piano. Not only have I lost interest in the course, I also think I am numb to emotion and I've felt that way for a while, must be over a year I suppose. I've no idea what that means. Is it grief? Is it just life as a 24 year old? It worries me a lot. My get up and go, has got up and gone! I'm graduating in September, and while I have some plans on what I want to do, if they don't work out then I've got absolutely no idea. Possible solutions are counselling, I attempted it again, but when they called me for an assessment, I didn't answer the phone. I blame my anxiety or fear. I'd like to try it again, but I always seem to fall at the final hurdle....also, apologies if this post in the wrong place!

Thank you, Marty! I am struggling a bit this week what with my University work and my Mothers anniversary. I really don't like the low days, but I know they don't last forever.

Eight years ago yesterday (23rd), I lost my Mum and my life changed forever. Unlike a lot of people, I don't have any siblings or a Dad, so I am with my lovely Nan. I have had to pretty much grow up on my own, I've had to learn how to live my life without something everyone else has, that has been, and still is, quite difficult. Not having that important person there when I graduate or when I one day get married and have children, is probably the worst thing. Though eight years have passed, I still don't think I've accepted that. I still feel like I have much to deal with, including grief. Fortunately though, I haven't turned to alcohol or drugs, I haven't dealt with severe depression, but I do have a little anxiety. I also have my fair share of down days, I'm sure many of you can relate to that. I am grateful that this forum is here, if I need to share my thoughts, I know I can do it here. I hope that one day, i will be at peace with my Mums death and be able to talk about her more. Like may things, that will come with time.

Hello all, Saw a trailer for an upcoming film called "A Monster Calls", it looks to be a great film! It was, like lots of films, adapted from a book of the same title. You're probably thinking "why is this relevant to the forum?" Well! Here is the synopsis of the book: A Monster Calls is a low fantasy novel written for children by Patrick Ness. Set in present-day England, it features a boy who struggles to cope with the consequences of his mother's terminal cancer; he is repeatedly visited in the middle of the night by a monster who tells stories. Ultimately, it's a story about coming to terms with loss. I have just ordered and I plan on reading it ASAP. I don't know about you, but I do find myself interested in reading/watching things that relate to my experience with death. But anyway, I've not seen a book with so many 5 star reviews! If you're interested, I urge you to have a look if you haven't already! Amy :-)

Hey CC Just because someone is gone, doesn't have to mean they are completely gone. It's okay to feel lost, the person that was there to help guide you through life isn't physically there anymore, but I'm sure there were many life lessons she shared that you can use in the coming months and years. I lost my Mum to a brain tumour when i was 15, I'm now 23, just about to start my final year of University. I'm not going to lie, it sucks not having her there for important things like when I graduate next year, but I know she'll be proud anyway! I hope you'll find some comfort here, I know I do. She'll ALWAYS be in your heart, never forget that :-)

Hi Ella! Welcome! I'm guessing you've seen my post above yours? I was 15 when I lost mine - I'm 23 now! And guessing from how you spell Mum, you're from the UK too? Hope you find some comfort here! :-) x

Hi Seachelle, Sorry to hear about your Mum, now that it's the end of August and you posted back in June/July, I hope she is still with you. Anyway, what I wanted to say was no, I personally don't think it is that common for young people to lose parents at a young age, but it does happen; as you say, most of your friends parents are quite young. Now, I am 23 and when I was 15, I lost my Mum to a brain tumour and my Dad hasn't spoken to me since I was 9/10, so apart from having a lovely Grandmother taking over those roles and caring for me, I now have no parents. Quite a bit different to what you're going through, but I suppose it's similar. My experience of carrying on after a death will be different to yours, but I can tell you that it's not easy, and it will probably be something that you'll have to learn to cope with in your own way. As Shari say, you can speak to us any time you like! I hope our messages find you well! Amy :-)

Hello everyone! This forum is such a great, supportive place for anyone to come and talk about difficult times in their lives, and feel a little bit less alone. One thing that is quite apparent, to Shari and I, is that there isn’t a dedicated space for young people to go and discuss grief and living life without certain people, with other young people. Marty has mentioned before that she has tried something like that on this forum before, but it didn’t get used that often, so it was taken down. I think that it should return, despite how many people use it, because it’s nice to know something exists. Now, I’m 23 and I have no immediate family except for my Grandmother, as my Mum passed 8 years ago and my Dad didn’t want anything to do with me. I know that many of you might be able to understand that, but I would love to know that I’m not alone with my situation. I want to know how other people that are a similar age to me, are getting on with life after a significant loss. If you know me from my posts on here in the past, just know that your support was/is really appreciated! So, how does everyone feel about the possibility of adding another topic on the front page under “Grief and Loss” titled something like “Young People Dealing with Loss”? It could be shared, along with the forum itself of course, all over the internet as young people tend to frequent social sites like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram; I’m sure there are plenty of young people that would welcome a space like this online. Anyway, thank you for reading! Amy

Tomorrow, March 6th, is Mothers Day here in the UK. I have always chosen to never acknowledge the day because I have nothing to celebrate. My Mum is no longer here, and all the day is to me, is a reminder of something I no longer have. Recently though, I have thought that I should treat it differently. Since I've had to go from the age of 15 without my Mum (and no Father since he basically gave me up at age 9), I've sort of had to look to other female figures in my life for different things. I am of course grateful for my Mum to bring me into the world, as that's a miracle itself, but I'm also so very grateful for all the other women in my life, and I think Mothers Day, for me, should celebrate that. Anyway, I am sometimes still ashamed and embarrassed of my situation and how un-normal it is compared to the majority of other people around my age. I suppose that is something that will change with time - much like many other things in life!

Thank you, Marty. That article i was quite helpful! It made lots of sense actually. The legend about the wolves - evil and good - is quite true and rather profound actually. Why would this still be anything to do with grief after nearly 9 years?

No idea where to post it, thought here was as good a place as any on here!! So, some of you might be familiar with my story and today I've been thinking about anger. It can be a very dangerous emotion, but for me, I think I have many reasons to be angry. Thing is, at the moment I'm in an argument with my housemate. There's a bill account in his name that we all put money in for our house bills, and he worries about it for no reason. He reminded twice, once during the night and once the morning after, for us to put 'x' amount of money in the account. I explained that we know to put money in, and that the account doesn't have nothing in it. He worries that it might go into overdraft ,(when you go into minus money...the banks money I guess?), but it never has and never will. The argument stemmed from this. I think it's quite silly, and that I've done nothing wrong, but some how I have, somewhere. He said I was giving him grief about it, when I was merely trying to tell him not to worry. I obviously helped this situation as everything takes two people. I was thinking, maybe I want to be angry at someone. I want there to be a reason to lash out at someone - I'm by no means a violent person at all!! - why would I want that? I feel like I want to just shout and scream about something. Creating arguments from nothing to create that kind of atmosphere seems very bizarre indeed. What do I have to be angry about? Losing my Mother...being "abandoned" by my Father...having to leave the place I was happiest...still not having dealt with any of that properly... What I suppose I'm asking really is, can this anger i seem to have, be related to that? If so, how can it be resolved? What can I do?

Paul, I lost my Mother when I was 15, so just like you say, I know how it feels to lose a parent young - in my circumstance, it wasn't sudden. I too hate the expression on people's faces when you tell them one of your parents is dead. In my case, one of mine is dead and my Dad hasn't spoken to me since i was 9. I just wanted to say one thing, you will never get over losing your Dad. You will think about him all the time, and as with any close death, I think we all just learn to live with it each in our own ways. Some of us choose to talk about them a lot and share memories, where some of us keep it quiet. I hope it gets a bit easier for you, and I'm sorry that you had to deal with this at a young age. Take care!

Cindy, I went to see the counsellor about one reason - losing my Mum. During the entire duration of the sessions we talked about that, my Father, and everything else. I didn't know, and still don't know, what I wanted to get out of it. I'm pretty sure it was to just see if it could help me at all, it did a little bit but not as much as I thought it would. I suppose the counsellor i saw didn't "dig deep enough", but as Marty said, it depends on how resistant the client is. As much as we may want the counsellor to "dig deep", we really may not be ready for that. That quote is profoundly true! I'll just see where my road takes me. Thank you for your responses

You know, thinking now, I just went to see the counsellor just to see what it was like. If it was like the other times I saw counsellors in school - that was awful. I'm not sure I actually had expectations, but I thought that counsellors make you open up, I mean that's what happened - or tried to happen - when I saw the counsellors at school in 2008. I've never been an open person, never one to share my feelings unless I absolutely felt comfortable doing so. Throughout my life, I've come to realise that I've always been pressured to do thing, to feel things, and the counsellor I just finished seeing, helped me to understand/realise that. It seems like i've gotten so used to that, I expect people to make decisions (not all) for me, and force me to open up. That's probably wrong, but maybe that's what has happened. So, it seems that I really don't know what I want to get out of counselling. I mean from what you've just said, it's up to me as well. The counsellor is there to just help and give advice. If I was okay with the death now then I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't always been thinking about it. I'm in that mindset now where I'm asking myself "what do I do now?! What DO I want?" I'm just not sure anymore.