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Rhapsedy

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  1. Rhapsedy

    Guilt

    Hi Constance... I'm so sorry that you are going through this. In 2009 I lost my soul dog. The vet suspected that he had Lymphoma but the only way to make sure was to put him under to test him and I didn't want to put him through that because he hated being at the vet and I didn't want to chance putting him under because he was 14. So, I opted to give prednisone and keep him comfortable. He lasted about 6 months, one day I came home and found him laying in a pool of his own urine and he looked miserable, I decided to put him to sleep the next day, I had been contemplating it for awhile and felt that it was time. After he was put to sleep my heart was beyond broken and the guilt I felt was overwhelming. I felt guilt for not getting him tested for Lymphoma because the prednisone had side effects and what if he truly didn't have Lymphoma. I felt guilt for putting him to sleep because before I had him put to sleep I gave him a sedative and when the vet came to my home to put him to sleep and he jumped up and greeted her like he was cured, why didn't I stop her??? I guess what I'm trying to say is that if I decided to go through with the procedure to test him for Lymphoma and he died I would have felt tremendous guilt over that and questioned my decision. Instead I felt tremendous guilt because I decided not get him tested. I feel that our babies are going to go at the time they were meant to go, He would have probably died if I had him tested, I truly believe that it was his time and for some reason I was meant to go thru the pain of losing him and the pain of the guilt. Unfortunately, you will need to go thru the pain and guilt, don't try to fight it, cry, scream, punch a pillow, whatever you need to do to make it through the pain. And remember, pain demands to be felt, trying to avoid it will just cause more issues in the future. I pray that you will get over the guilt soon and remember the good times. Take care, Rhapsedy
  2. I just went to one yesterday. My dog killed my cat and I am in desperate need to know that my cat forgives me and that she is alright. I paid $80 for a half an hour and I feel I got ripped off. I still believe in pet psychics but there are a lot of scammers out there. I bought this book called Animals and the Afterlife, it's a great book. The author talks about her experiences with pet psychics and talks to other pet owners that have been in communication with their pets after they die, I recommend that you read this book. I wish I could figure out a way to find a legit pet psychic, I am going to keep trying to find one and will travel a long distance to meet with the person. Good luck to you and if you find a good pet psychic, please let me know.
  3. I am so sorry that you are going thru such pain. You ask: "Could another person ever understand the catastrophic experience I have had as the result of the death of a cat?" I CAN! My experience was with a dog, not a cat, but I so understand what you are going thru. I had every feeling you are having, the guilt, the unbearable pain, the feeling that I couldn't go on. It was 3 years on September 16th that I decided to put my soul dog Callaway to sleep, I sure thought I was doing the right thing but the next year and a half I would constantly question if I did the right thing. My heart literally broke, I felt it! The pain was so intense I thought I was going to die. I think the one thing that helped me make it thru was talking to a counselor, you have to talk about your feelings and your pain to make it thru, the couselor can also give you tips on how to cope thru the grief. You will have to work thru your pain but I promise it will get better. I can tell you that I am much better now, Callaway made me a better person during his life and after his death. I have become a much more giving and compassionate person and it's all because of him. I still miss him soooooo much and love him just as much as I did when he was alive, I'm actually closer to him in some ways. I am sending a big hug to you and pray that you will feel better soon. Rhapsedy
  4. I went through something very similar to what you experienced. It will be 3 years September 16th that I decided to put my 14 year old lab/husky mix Callaway to sleep. He had been diagnosed with lymphoma 6 months prior and started to go down hill quickly a month before I made my decision. I decided that I would have the vet come to my house to euthanize him because he was very nervous when we went to her office. I thought by making the decision to have the vet come to my house it would eliminate the fear but it didn't. He also had that look of fear in his eyes and I was left with the same guilt you are experiencing. I too felt like I murdered my dog and was completely devastated. It took time for me to get over that guilty feeling but it does go away. Both you and I only did what we did for our babies, we didn't want to put them to sleep, we did it because of our unconditional love for our animals. I still love Callaway as much now as I did on the worst day of my life, September 16th when I had to make the decision. The love never goes away but the pain you are feeling does. My heart breaks for you because I know exactly how you are feeling. A friend of mine said something to me that made me feel much better when I was going thru the guilt, she said, "Even if Callaway was in fear at that moment just before he passed the next moment he went to the rainbow bridge where he is completely happy and waiting for me to join him. I found comfort in what she said, I hope you do too.
  5. Sorry for the pain you are feeling. I lost 3 dogs within two years and the pain was unbearable. Please just know that you aren't alone, I for one had a problem for months getting on with my life and I'm sure others on this site did too. I don't understand why some of the religious institutions don't believe that animals go to Heaven. They are God's creatures just like we are. I whole heartedly believe that they go to Heaven, if we go then they would go too, it only makes sense.
  6. The loss of animal can be one of the greatest losses that we experience. They depend on us for everything and there is a very special bond between a loving owner and pet. I can totally relate to your feelings of guilt... I have felt guilty with all three of my animals that I lost over this past year and a half. I seriously didn't think I was going to live thru my first lost... it took months for me to feel "normal" again. The pain was worse than I have ever felt. I look back on all three animals and with each one I feel like I let them down. I should have done this, if only I would have know to do that, etc. The guilt is worse than the grief. Guilt is part of the grieving process, we all feel it to some extent and I think you are feeling it as bad as I was... you did everything you could... as soon as Willie stopped eating you took him to the vet. He had a couple of issues, a ball sized tumor and an issue with his liver... these things were not caused from Willie running into the desk. This is easier said than done but you have to focus on everything that you did for Willie. You obviously loved him very much and what a lucky boy he was to have such a caring owner. He got to be with you 24/7, took him for walks, played ball with him. As you said he lived life to the fullest and that's all because of you. I am sorry that you feel so lonely. It can be very lonely because a lot of people don't understand how devastating it can be to lose a pet, but we all know on this website, you are not alone. I know my words probably don't help much but they do come from the heart. I hope and pray that you find peace soon.
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