On January 18, 2011, I received a call from a friend telling me that my younger brother had been in an accident and was in the hospital. His friend immediately came to pick me up and bring me to my brother. When I got to the hospital we went to find the waiting room and and as we were walking down a hallway I saw my brother being pushed through the doors. He was a mess and I had never seen him like that before. I burst into tears in Isiah's friends arms. He was 21 and a crane operator in Fort McMurray, Alberta and was driving home from work in the crane down Beacon Hill. The roads were so icy that night and he lost control of the crane and went over an embankment. The doctors told me the response time was fast because police had been near by when he crashed but he'd been unconscious since they got to him and he had suffered a major head injury. They brought me to a waiting room where many of his friends were already and told me that after they ran some tests I could go see him and talk to him even though he might not be able to hear me. It was an incredibly long night and eventually the doctors told me he wasn't going to make it. The pain I felt was unbearable. They gave one last effort and tried to operate on him but eventually came to tell me he was gone. That was the worst night of my life. The next few days got worse. And these past few months have been incredibly difficult. I have so much support and have gotten to hear so many wonderful stories about him from his friends and I've shared my memories as well as my parents. He was my only sibling. We were only a year apart and all of my childhood memories involve him. We've been friends since we were kids and we fought a lot in our teen years but now as adults we got along so well. We shared a lot of the same friends and had so much fun together. We could talk to each other about absolutely anything. It hurts so much knowing that now the only place I can see him is in my dreams and my memories.. but I am thankful for all of the wonderful memories I have with him. I just wish I could hear him again and ask his advice or laugh with him or just go for a drive with him in his truck. I've accepted he's gone but some days I forget and think I should invite him out and some days I'm in total disbelief. I've never lost anyone in my life, even all of our grandparents are still with us. He won't get to see me graduate from university or get married or be the amazing uncle to my children that I know he would have been. I know he'll be there in some way but not the way it should be. He is such a huge part of my life. I wish I would have told him more how much he meant to me. There hasn't been a day since he died that I haven't cried. The pain isn't as bad some days as others but I think about him a lot and I miss him everyday. Last night I had a dream about him and I could hear his laugh so clearly and his voice and I could hug him and I wish it wasn't just a dream. I woke up and cried. He is missed by so many people. I hope he knows how special he is.. or was.. I hate saying was when I talk about him.
