Anne E

Lina, thank you so much for sharing about your daughters allergy tests. I am so relieved that your pets are not the cause. Honestly, I do not know what I would do without our pets. The dogs make sure I get up every morning....they NEED TO BE FED. They make sure I get some exercise.....they NEED TO RUN AROUND IN THE YARD! and they NEED TO BE LOVED, regardless of how my day is going. Understand about the dips. Unfortunately, in order to have the beauty of the waves, I guess we have to learn to deal with the dips. Happy that you are staying in touch with Arthur's family. They miss him as much as you do and if they loved him, they love you and would be so sad to lose you too. Thanks for the update God Bless. Anne

Good for you, Jan. I have come to like the saying, every journey begins with little steps. I have found that to be so true in my journal through grief. Choosing to keep those little ceremonies you enjoyed with your husband has helped me also. Sometimes are harder than others, but when I do feel his presence, it is worth the effort. Blessings Anne

I think exhaustion made my ability to deal or cope with grief the most difficult thing for me. I still have difficulty getting a good, solid nights sleep, but it is getting better. Being so stressed makes it so hard to deal with all the stuff that dumps on you after your spouse is no longer with you. Trying to make all those decisions, discover a new routine, in your case taking care of a child, trying to meet all those deadlines, keeping all those things you are juggling from falling in a huge heap at your feet is in it's self exhausting. I too used sleeping medication from the doctor for a while, but now, I tend to use herbal sleep aids. Melatonin with a nice cup of herbal tea works pretty well for me. I used to use wine, lots of wine, but find that melatonin is a healthier choice. And I feel much better the next morning. Some women in my support group use meditation, but with my ADD personality, I just can't seem to find that "zone" to just be still. Every single time I try, my mind goes directly to those things that are constantly zooming around in my mind and...off we go again. Honestly, it will get better. Be patient with yourself. Anne

Good for you Anthony. I think we need to pay attention to those "nagging" feelings we get that force us to do some things we fear. I also think it was Celene pushing you to move a bit out of your comfort zone. Dick has nudged me a few times and I too found that I received comfort from the experience. Love the picture of Boom Boom. He looks like he was a very find rhino. Blessings, Anne

See, even in Oregon URP has the same meaning.

Me too. Sometimes I think we need a "like" button on this site. Also, I spent three delightful years at the Air Force Base in Blythville, Ark., being "educated" at both Blythville Middle School and Gosnell High School. Ah, the accent, ya'll. Anne

Listen here Dave. I happen to have a very strange accent, not just a Kansas accent. I was raised by a VERY Southern mother and we moved all over the U.S. because our Dad was a pilot in the Air Force. (quite a bit of the time was spent in the South) Dick used to say he could always tell if I was angry, excited, stressed, etc., because my southern accent would become more prominent! So.....Good Night Ya'll. Anne

This is a topic that has been mentioned to me by many people. A couple of "friends" suggested dating to me not even a month after Dick's death. Another sweet lady was quite sure I would get along great with her son.......and his divorce is almost final!!! Really???? The whole idea is just more than I can even imagine. Scares the hell out of me actually. My Mother died when she was 49 years old. My Father married within the year. The person he chose was 6 months older than me. It was a decision he always regretted, but he just could not deal with the loneliness. I do not want to live the rest of my live with regrets. The thought of sharing my personal space with another man is just not appealing. I can not imagine a man in my bedroom!!! I have a real problem with the thought of enduring the loss of someone with whom I have made a life commitment. It is more than I can imagine. I am pretty certain I would not survive another experience like what Dick and I went through trying to keep him alive. Also, I have not been able to figure out who I am currently. I have not made much headway on sorting out a direction or purpose for the rest of my life. I think I need to spend some time doing that. AND, when I go out in the community, to church, shopping, etc., etc., I look at men who "look at" me and think. URP! Guess I truly am not ready to think about the concept of dating. Anne

I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain. I found that dealing with the loneliness was one of the hardest parts of losing my partner for 39 years. I kept and keep focusing on the thought that Dick did everything he could to stay alive. He worked very hard to try to recover. I know he did not want to leave me. Sometimes those thoughts helped, sometimes they did not. Unfortunately, grief is a disgusting process and one that we just have to "endure". I found that leaning on a very good widowed friend was very helpful. She understands a bit of what I feel. Time will help. We just have to give time a chance. God Bless Anne

Jan, I am so very sorry for your loss and that you have to go through the grief that follows. If you have not experienced the loss of your beloved spouse, you honestly do not have any idea what we as surviving spouses feel. At the same time, I will say that I do not honestly understand how you feel, I am not you. I know exactly how I feel and what I have experienced. My husband died 4 years ago and time has helped me grow accustomed to the loss, the pain, the loneliness and to realize that this is my new "normal" life. Doesn't mean I am "over it" or that a month will truly change how I feel. It's pretty much a day by day, moment by moment way of living. There are still things said by friends and family that hurt, baffle and bewilder me. It is hard for others to know how to respond to us and often their responses are hurtful and seem insensitive. My loss and grief has taught me to keep my mouth shut when I am with someone in grief. I am not all that much of a touchy, freely person, so a touch on the arm or pat on the back is generally my first personal touch and just saying "I am so sorry". Time will help, honestly. Right now, you do not need to feel like a tour director. You need to do what you feel you can do. Treat yourself with kindness and gentleness. God Bless, Anne

Ah, here we go again. I just looked on Facebook and saw pictures my brother and his family posted showing what they are doing on their vacation in Colorado Springs, 45 minutes from where I live. Do you think they just forget that we are "friends" on facebook and I will see what they post? I will never understand people in general, my family in particular. Here they all are, 45 minutes from my house and they don't even call. What's up with that? However, when I am in Kansas, I travel 2 hours each way to see them. I call, tell them when I will be in the state, ask if they would be available for a visit. If it is convenient, then I make the trip to meet them at a restaurant in the town THEY live in as they never invite me to their home and have lunch and visit for a couple of hours. I refuse to be as thoughtless as they are, but it does hurt. It also hurts when they tell me how painful it is to see me without Dick. Sometimes they almost act like it is wrong for me to "look good" and to "act happy". However, if I get weepy, they tell me to move on and get over the loss. What's a person to do? People are so strange, and my brothers and their families are the strangest. Durban, Good for you! If you feel like baking.....bake away. I have decided that I owe it to my beloved, wonderful husband to be who and what I am. If I want to sign and dance, I will sing and dance. If I feel the need to sit and weep, I will sit and weep. I will not suffer fools, I WILL look for joy, even if I have to spend all day in the search. My epiphany recently is that I am responsible for my feelings, my joy and my contentment. It is unrealistic for me to try to understand the actions of others, I can only be responsible and try to understand my actions. Sometimes remembering that helps, other times, stuff just makes me angry. Today, I am just bewildered! Anne

Isn't that just the truth? It isn't limited to just couples, groups of widows or single women can be just as insensitive. Dick has been gone for 4 years, I moved to Colorado 3 years ago to be closer to our son and I have done many of the things suggested to help me get acquainted and to be part of the new community. I have been involved in church and other organizations or hobbies. I have yet been asked to do anything socially with another living human beings unless I have rather invited myself, pushed my way in. I will be included in that one specific thing, but never invited again. It's like I am only visible at the moment, and it never seems to cross their minds that the new person to the group or area might just like to go to lunch, go have a cup of coffee, go see a movie, go shopping, join the book club, whatever. It is just great and I am good enough to volunteer and work for or with them on committees, run Bible School, sing in the choir, play in the bell choir, tutor children, etc., but I'm not good enough or something to socialize with them. I would think that other widows and single women would understand how lonely single life is and would be a bit sensitive, but I guess not. It too makes me angry and makes me insecure. I wonder what I have done wrong, or if I am just not likeable. Granted, I have been very depressed, sad, unhappy, weepy, etc., etc., but, I am adjusting to being alone and my mood and out look on life has improved. It's just that I don't really think I want to Just Be Alone for the rest of my life. I would enjoy going out to dinner with someone other than my son and his friends. I guess people just aren't all that friendly any more????? Anne

Oh Dave, you must be so heartbroken. I am so very sorry. Anne