teeek

*sorry grammar error* :s

My cousin just got married a year later which is now, her husband passed away due to car accident and they have a 1 yr old baby, my nephew. my nephew hasn't got to know his father hence i didn't get a chance to see my cousin-in-law after the marriage. my nephew is the cutest happiest baby ever. now i hope he's not sad when he grew older cause now i feel so sad for them. and it's not like this is my first time getting heart brakes, a lot of time!. now that am getting used to it, i feel HUGE pain in my heart but i can't cry why's that? :/

Just 3 more weeks, it's my high school graduation and it's been 6 months that my principal died. I got mad at my friend last two days cause I was jealous that my principal showed at my friend graduation day. My friend graduate before me. When I saw my friend and my principal on stage, I said "it would be my turn". But my principal isn't here. It's getting painful. I really wish he see me that I am graduating. I miss him badly, its getting painful. As graduation day gets closer, my heart is now currently pounding hard. I AM STILL SHOCKED! I WAS LIKE THIS TO MY FRIEND "WTFFFFFFFFFFFFF! THAT'S NOT FAIR!!! WHY ISN'T MY PRINCIPAL HERE RIGHT NOW"... And then I was like this to myself "WHEN I MOVE SCHOOL, THE PRINCIPAL WILL NEVER GONNA BE LIKE THIS PRINCIPAL. I CAN NEVER GET ANOTHER PRINCIPAL THAT'S GONNA BE NICE TO ME! THIS IS BULLS***! BULL s***!" SUXXX!!!!!!! AND I PERSONALLY BLAME MY MOM FOR MAKING ME GRADUATE, I WANTED TO REPEAT 10GRADE. BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW! I WISH I CAN TAKE U BACK DOWN FROM HEAVEN, JUST ONE DAY! JUST ONE DAY, IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK? JUST ONE DAY FOR YOU TO SEE THAT AM GRADUATING????!!!!! CAUSE I KNOW THAT YOU'RE THE ONE THAT WILL BE HAPPY FOR ME, THAT'S ALL I CAN IMAGINE! ohhhhhh damn!

I am tired of grieving. Every time I ask "do you still miss___?" to start a convo of sharing feelings, they keep saying "no". No one cares anymore. I've been forced to grieve myself over and over again. Sometimes sadness comes randomly when you start thinking about them cause you feel like you need them now. Like, I keep saying "damn. I wish..." And within this self-grieving process, 'I learn that we can't have someone to ALWAYS make us feel better, we make us feel better ourselves, being miserable is our choice'. I tried to stay strong for it, sometimes my heart feels like its about to collapse by ITSELF not me, I don't know why but I do know that I still bargain to GOD even if it's useless. Every time I start grieving, I keep on denying and turn on the music loudly to forget about the sadness also think positive things vigorously. Not easy! I am exhausted at grieving I just don't know how to look for help, like I said before no one cares anymore- makes me feel like they don't want to hear me out. I am not good at showing emotions either. I couldn't talk, I cry immediately. It is embarrassing. The whole point, I am trying my best to not care but it seem so damn difficult. I don't even dare to write a diary or letter anything I just want to forget about that person. I miss that person badly. I lost lots. I grieve upon one-by-one. My heart is totally weak at grieving, literally. But am trying to be strong which makes me feel so awesome though the problem is that I have something against other people showing emotions, am being belligerent to them. Yeah whatever it is, I am trying to forget that I lost.I am exhausted, once the grieving is too much as in if I think or cry a lot, my body can become slightly sick. Why can't I forget them? I just can' give up. I AM TIRED.

Yes I agree. Thanks:) I was sad because I didn't even get the love from my family due to fighting. x

Not only I lost my loved ones, but I do also have family problems at home. We family didn't really get along and I always fight with my mom everyday!. I got advised from my religion teacher and he said it's because "Love is blind" and knowledge is tiny. Am I the only one realized this? I broke down after I knew. There's just so many reasons why I broke down. One of the reason that is a question, "why does my mom torture me or always being harsh against me? if she loves me?" I grief because "Love is blind" hence I didn't feel any love from my mom or my family. Yes because I don't feel love. That is why it's devastating for me. So I wrote a poem: "Love Is The Greatest Gift Of All" Love is cold. Love is blind. Love makes us kind. I know there’s pain behind these love. I know there’s love behind these fights To unfold these blind love, Is to hear 3 little words To cover up the hole, Forgiveness is the only way. There’s no easy way out cause life’s hard Let the flowers bloom, patience is a virtue. My wish is to get along before one of us is gone. Home is heaven. Love is the greatest gift of all.

A friend of mine who has lost her pet, doesn't seem that she want to talk about it because she said she'll cry and my friends who has lost her important loved ones, already seem to recover but I feel like I wouldn't want to remind them. Yes, I always handle grieve alone. I really think am broken, I have been hanging on grief grip. And it's weird. I wonder why once I think about my loved ones, I get mad and want my best friend to die to. It's like too much and am already obsessed with this pain.

thank you Marty! i would love to talk and I have tried but people just don't seem to care and I have a fear of showing my emotions to other people and that am afraid to hear "you'll feel better, hang in there".

I don't know how to move on? Staying in the same place where my loved ones has gone, is just not comfortable. Am still on my first move trying to forget about them but it's hard. I brake down whenever I start to think about them. Literally brake down. Once I start to think about them I cried for 2 weeks straight non-stop! I'm very sensitive at this. :'( I miss them so much! <3 Advice from others is just hard to get... Day-by-day the grieving starts shrinking in,so that's why. I don't know what to do. WHEN CAN I FEEL NORMAL AGAIN?

Remember those times when we’re playing. Now hearing that you’ve been taken away. I tried to hesitate the hearts of sorrow But I’m surprised I couldn’t let it go as I see you passed by. There’s so many words that you haven’t heard. I wonder do you feel this way? I can still see the good times, I’m so thankful for the moment we had. But we’re still waiting Trying to listen what’s GOD saying Feel the singers singing Seeing the light shinning Eyes are crying. It’s hard to say goodbye. They say time will ease the pain I’m waiting for the rain to washed away It’s okay to hurt, and it’s okay to cry I can’t help seeing you fly. Please come back. As I look the picture of you, I can still hear your voice. Saying “Hello, don’t be sad”. I can still see the good times, I’m so thankful for the moment we had. We’re still waiting Trying to listen what’s GOD saying Feel the singers singing Seeing the light shinning Eyes are crying. It’s hard to say goodbye. Those troubles we had, am sorry. These days has been lonely. I stopped grieving and think of apology to say Let the guilt kills me for you cause I love you. Yesterday’s gone, I’ve been trying to moving on. I knew that this day would come after all these years. I can still see the good times, I’m so thankful for the moment we had. We’re still waiting Trying to listen what’s GOD saying Feel the singers singing Seeing the light shinning Eyes are crying. It’s hard to say goodbye. Emotions been revolting Like it's looping on a roller coaster It's not easy to tell you goodbye It's hard to say goodbye (Please don't fly) ---> do you like it? if not try making it on your own

I give up. I never talk about my emotions regarding about my loved ones. I've lost a lot! I feel like it's just the day that the person is passed away. Like you can't move on, you keep thinking about yesterday when that person is with me. Even though, if I tried talking about it, I know what people is gonna advised me anyway "I know how you feel and you feel better" NO SUPPORT AT ALL, SO I WAS LIKE 'WHAT'S THE POINT, LEAVE ME ALONE.' But I do get angry and being belligerent to other people get frustrated to them for them showing their emotions...I loose control.I've become a bit slightly arrogant. Because I feel that people don't care how I feel, when I struggle every day with overwhelming feel.It's strong! I never get any support. I do cry every time at night, thinking or writing sometimes I can't even write! Or say their names, that's what haunting. Yes one of them is my principal. I like him... He passed away and it's nearly graduation day I decided to repeat gr 10 and stay in the school...I don't feel comfortable with other principal. I get angry and jealous easily...

I am unbelievable to god. I feel like god must take everything that am whoever with. First of all, I was making an online friend in twitter and she was damn nice her name is Maggie. She died a year after due to cancer. I made another friend, I kinda forgot what his name is but then we've known for 6 months after Maggie died and he died to again due to cancer. I was so shocked. I am still thinking about them. Their stories stuck in my head. A year after that my pet bunny died when I have two. But it was no big deal with bunny. Next is my beloved principal I've known him for 3 years. He passed away on 01-12-2010 due to stroke. And lastly, my pet cat died. Feb-23-2011. My pet cat died and my friend was making a mock out of it. I was so upset with all this. Sometimes anger comes and sometimes I'm afraid to go to school or go home. I have no support at all, I cry alone at home. When my principal died, I cried when it's my birthday today cuz he use to wish me one and we used to have fun together. He was a nice principal. I also cried before that. Well basically I cried a lot! I do feel confuse and nauseous. I honestly don't know how to show my feelings. I need support, like finally. I cried just talking about it or just saying their names. I can't even write properly, like thinking about it. This story is jumbled up. Mixed emotions, seriously. Even my best friend is living abroad for a year now, waiting for her to come back. I'm kinda alone. My heart hurts. xx