Hi Lilac
I am wondering the same thing and the only conclusion I can come to is that some people don't know how to comfort. My sister passed away in another country last month and although I am back at work and back to my normal routine, I still get really depressed when I am alone. She died after fighting cancer for two years, and in the last week of her life I cried a lot and my boyfriend was there for me (kind of -- he works very late). Three weeks after she died I was still crying sporadically. One day, when it hit me again that I would never see her again I had a little breakdown where I was crying and trembling and my bf who up to that point was somehwat comforting dragged me out of bed and told me firmly that I needed to 'get out of this mode' and 'cheer up'. He then said when he got back from work he would be there to hug and kiss me, and then he left. We had a massive argument the next day and we didn't speak for 5 days (we live together) and I am still feeling really hurt and angry at his approach. I tried to explain to him that all I need is a little understanding and 'no judgment' but he didn't try to understand. This is a man that I am deeply in love with. My supposed 'best friend' has also all but ignored me in all this. After my sister died, I called her, and then she didn't follow up with a call until 3 weeks later when she asked if I wanted to come to a 'girls' weekend out' - when I told her that was the weekend when my sister will be buried she didn't even express an interest in attending the funeral. In addition, no one in that particular circle has even called me. It seems that most of the people who have been the most supportive are friends from my childhood (who I kept in touch with), colleagues and acquaintances. I don't know what to do actually. I feel alienated from my boyfriend and my friend.