MandyF

I know you are going through a lot of different emotions right now. That is totally normal. First there is grief, then anger...and then those two will come and go through the healing process. I still experience those 10 years after the fact. You will probably never forgive your dad or understand why he did what he did. One thing is certain...you need to be strong!! I don't know how religious you are, but I found strength in God. He helped me through most of my pain. Don't worry about your mom...she is without pain and is not suffering. She is in good hands and is looking down on you. Be strong for her. Show her that you can make it through this!! I am always here for you! Mandy

Thank you Shell! MandyF

You do have that "luxury"of getting to talk to your dad about the situation. Whether it will be the answer you will need, I don't know. I wish my dad had left me a letter or something. I hate him just as much today as I did the day it happened. I doubt that will ever go away. You are not wacko for smelling your mom's shirt. I had my mom's perfume and I smelled it all the time. It helps be closer, y'know? What you do have after all of this is wonderful memories of your mom. Those are constant and will never go away. We are so blessed to have met such wonderful women. I ask myself everyday..If I had known ahead of time that I would have lost her at such a young age, would I have loved her any less? Would I want a different life? THe answer is no. I would want to keep things the exact same because that means that I had 15 wonderful years with her and I was able to meet the most wonderful woman in the world. MandyF

Hi! I just joined and someone told me about your post. My mom was murdered too by my dad. Except my dad commited suicide right after. It has been 10 years and honestly, it hasn't gotten any easier. I have dealt with the fact that my mom is gone, but what I can't deal with is the fact that she is dead because of my dad. One thing that I have been wanting is a reason why. I will never know why he did it. I was home at the time and he murdered her and my step dad while I was upstairs on the phone. What a coward! I too don't have a lot to remember my mom by. Right after she died, my brother's girlfriend moved in and got rid of all my mom's things. I wanted to smell all her clothes and wanted things to stay just like they were. I think she thought she was helping, but I was so upset. I totally know what you are going through. MandyF

Thanks shell, for your response. I will look for that individual on the board. It is easier to want to do good when you have special ones looking down on you. Hugs back-MandyF

My counselor told me to find helpful information online about what happened to me ten years ago . I haven't seen a counselor in 8 years but recently found myself needing guidance and answers. Ten years ago my dad murdered my mom and stepdad and then commited suicide. I was the only one home at the time and had the horrific task of discovering the bodies. It has been ten years and I sit here shaking as I am writing this. I have not found anyone that has gone through something similar. It would be nice to know how someone else went through a similar experience. I have done fine for myself. I am about to graduate with a master's degree. After the initial shock wore off, I put on my strong face and went on with my life. I think I grew up too quick because I didn't take time to grieve. I was only 15 at the time of the murders. I have not been able to forgive my dad. That is another step I wish I could take. Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!