carolineS

Time, time, more time and lots of space,....there obviously is no recipe how to successfully deal with the situations we are in. But what gives me hope and keeps me going is that I know the famlies affected and significant others are in my thoughts and prayers every single day. For myself, I'm trying to be that strong confident person I once was, even though I miss and love Chris dearly, I just can't let his method of dealing with his grief leave me behind as damaged goods.....that's just not right.

Miri, Tom, I feel your pain, sorrow and frustrations as I read through each and every post. I find myself in a similar situation, and can relate to questioning "why?". I found KayC's contribution and advice extremely helpful, and my heart just swells with warmth when she talks about the love she had with first husband. My boyfriend (him 43, me 35) of over two years ended our relationship the same day as he came home from cleaning out his deceased father's house out of state. It absolutely slaughtered my heart, my dreams and so much more. It's been over a month and a half since that day and yet the pain is still drags me down. I want to be there for him, hold his hand and share the path thru the good and bad times......but he's let me go and I feel like I have no place in his life or heart anymore. The past two years with him were the best two of my life, so much love, laughter, fun, caring, intellectual and physical stimulation. No drama, infidelity, lies or such things, just pure and honest respect, love and fun. He reasoning for the breakup was that he stated the three following things: I'm too nice, he doesn't feel the same way about me and that I deserve better. He may have said more, but I was in to much shock to grasp what was happening. He never stated the break up had anything to do with his father's passing, but it's hard to not imagine that grieving process was involved in some manner. I guess what complicates the matter is that his relationship with his father was not good. The father had been a disappointment in his life multiple times. They spoke, but not often and ex-b was appalled by the way his fathered lived, handled his health and finances. To add to the complexity of the situation the father had passed in his home, alone and wasn't found until a week later (I haven't mentioned the hoarding yet either.) So the responsibilities that fall on ex-b are huge, I can only imagine a myriad of feelings come with it such as anger and guilt as well. He has wonderful friends, boss, an amazing mother and sister, so I am comforted that he is not alone in this difficult time. Not until I found this forum, did I learn that shutting a partner out like this is not as rare as I thought it was. I felt like I was being punished and really coludn't figure out what I had done to deserve this pain. So I guess we're both grieving, one the loss of a father who never was what a father should have been and the other the loss of the one partner that she took forever to finally find.