Gakydog414

It has been 52 weeks this morning since my husband left me here alone and without anything to do. For over 9 years I took care of him while on home dialysis. In between also had to find time to care for my mother. But for the past year I have not been able to cope with anything. Even having my daughters with me doesn't change the fact that he is gone and is never returning. Everything we had planned was for us, never him or me. Saturday will mark one year and I am still unable to make myself continue on. He was my everything. hate to say it, but we thought about each other even more than our daughters. He was a wonderful, loving and compassiate man. I just wish I could stop being jeaslous of him for leaving me and getting to go and be with our Lord. I had always hoped to be there first. I know, he hasn't had to deal with kidney failure or pain or anything for a year now. But I have had to endure daily pain and will continue to forever. I think the thing I have been most upset about is that I really never got to know him. Even after 22 years together. There are too many unanswered questions and they won't leave my head. I can't stop loving and missing him. Just wish there had been a little more time. Please excuse my babbling. Just had to get it all out I guess. Nice to know that there are others who are just as bad off as myself. It is the worst thing that anyone can go through, losing a loved one. Just can't and won't do it again. Thank you for listening to my grief on such an unhappy day for me.

My husband also donated his body to science. I was told 5 weeks to 2 years. He'll be there for 23 weeks this Thursday. I am hoping to save enough money to buy 2 necklaces (a cross & a heart)so I can put a few of his ashes in them. That way he will never be away from me. They also make braclets for the same use. He wanted his ashes to be buried with me when I finally get to join him, but I am thinking about doing the same as him. You may be able to ask at a funeral home if they deal with such a thing as jewerely. If not, they may be able to send you to one that does. There is nothing wrong or insane about what you are doing. Anyone who thinks so, has not gone through the worst think anyone can go through, the death of their spouse. The only good thing between ashes and burial is, we can hold onto our loved one as long as we want or need to.

Ny husband also passed away in April and I am just where you are. We did everything together. Even though my daughters are with me, it just is not the same. Sometimes I feel so lost without him. My husband was on home dialysis over nine years and I would give anything for him to still be doing it. When Hurricane Irene came, it should have been George and me putting things up, not my daughters. I see we are both having a blue day. No day goes without tears coming from nowhere.

My husband has been gone 4 months and I was his caretaker for over 9 years. He was on home dialysis and by-pass surgery less than 3 years before he died. In between I also had to fit being caretaker for my mother (cancer), sister-in-law and an aunt. All the time I had regrets that I was unable to care for my husband. Of course he wanted me to do what had to be done at the time. He would not tell me if he was hurting or not feeling well, just kept going. I regret that he would not tell me how to handle things after he went to that better place. I wish we could have held each other more and told each other we loved them. I miss having to help care for him. That was my life. But I guess we do get through it.

That sounds like a nice idea. My husband had plans to go so many places and we never got to go. He was on dialysis for over 9 years. But it was home dialysis, makes it easier. He just wasn't up to it. I'm still waiting for my husbands ashes. May not get them for 2 more years. He went to science, just want he wanted and they can hold the bodies for 5 weeks to 2 years. He will be gone 14 weeks tomorrow. But when he does finally come home to me, I am planning on getting a couple of necklaces so he will never leave my side. They have necklaces and braclets made just for carrying ashes.

I put my husbands ring on a chain as soon as I got home from the hospital after saying "good-bye" for the last time, 14 weeks ago tomorrow. He had lost so much weight and I had him give it to me a couple of weeks before because he had lost it in bed once not long before that. I have never and will never be able to take it off. I feel as if he is still with me that way.