mkenwater

Hello Debbie. I lost my wife/best friend in the world/soulmate 4 months ago. I'm with you. Like you and your loved one, my wife and I were never in denial of her terminal illness of the horrible pancreatic cancer she had, but we accepted it and did not talk about it. Its funny, during the last year that we had together, whenever we were watching TV and she would get up, I would say, "where you going?," and she would always reply, "Heaven". I still get a great feeling when I look over at her place on the couch and think of that. Sharon had a wish that if she went first, that she would be cremated and here Urn-ashes reside on her nightstand next to the bed. That is exactly where they are. She also told me that she demanded that I be happy and find a good friend(s) to go out with, have dinner, and do other things on occasion. It is trying sometimes, but we agreed that her passage to heaven would be considered a "Celebration of Life." I feel that I have learned how to accept my grief and deal with it in a positive manner at this point in my life, even though I miss her dearly and continuously think about her. I came across a new quote this weekend that basically sums it up, "Why wait for the Storm to pass, when you can learn to dance in the Rain". I got involved in a Widow to Widow Grief Support Group that meets in Tempe once a week and it has been a GodSend. Take care, we are all here to support and understand.

Cheryl, I totally agree with your synopsis. I have often thought about this "Grief & emotional pain" thing in detail and from the support groups, how we all may deal with it. Everyone's experience is different and unique to the individual. In my case, my soulmate and I knew a year ahead of the time of her "life's Passage/Journey" to Heaven, of the utimatcy. I have often pondered if it is better to deal with a spousal lost with Notice ahead of Time, or a situation such as yours, where you see your spouse that morning, never to see them again. I was always so afraid for my Sharon that I would one day leave in the morning to never return. We don't have the answers, but in my case at least we had some time together, to talk, to love, to plan, which I feel has helped me immensely with my grief challenges. No, I don't think the grief ever goes away, but the pain lessens. Grief and Pain must be the "healers", if you accept it and think positive. Recently, I realized that I did indeed marry a Widow myself 16 years ago after Sharon and I met. She already new how I was feeling and what I would have to deal with. I am grateful to our Lord for the life I had with Sharon, but now I have accepted that I have a new journey and role to fullfill. Finished a book awhile back called "The Secret", and my most valuble take-away was, "negative thoughts to God and the Universe attact negativity, so we must ask the Universe for what we want and believe we will get it. Negative attracts negative, positive attracts positive. Keep up the Good Work and your strong Beliefs and Positivity.

Greetings Kathey. Cheryl hit the nail on the head. I lost my wife on 3June of this year and the greatest strenght I have found in dealing with the loss and grief, is the Widow-to-Widow Support Group that meets in Tempe every Tuesday night. I live in Gold Canyon, but don't mind the 30 minute drive because it is a group where you will find the strength and commonality amongst the members. It is so unfair that our loved ones are taken from us at such an early age, thus leaving us fruitless. However, we have to live in the present and must go on in order to full-fill our mission that God has planned for us. Take care and hope to meet you at one of the meetings.

Becky, I know exactly how you are feeling. I lost my wife on June 3, 2011, and it is the weekends that are the worst not having your best friend and soulmate around anymore. The working weekdays do go by fast, and I look forward to my 3-day weekends (I work a 4-10 schedule), but not having anyone to enjoy these 3-day weekends gets somewhat depressing. I know that we all deal with it differently, but I have realized that the world is not coming to me, that I must go out into the world to garner new friendships and explore new hobbies. After you become widowed, you find out real fast the difference between "friends and acquaintances". My late Sharon always told me that you only have a few real friends in life, but a multitude of acquaintances. Not that I am mad at anyone, for they have a life also and most are uncomfortable around widowed people. I do believe that we must take it day by day. I feel that the pain of loss has gotten much better for me, but we all will always possess some grief, with the hope that the memories will over-ride it. Anyway, just a note, my late wife Sharon was from Salina, KS, with one of her sisters still living in Wichita. You take care and everything is going to be all right.

Just remember what my soulmate-wife-best friend always reminded me of during her final year with me on earth, "no matter how much life gangs up on you, the hardships you are faced with, the stresses, and everything else, the Lord will only let you endeavor as much as you can handle, he will provide". I remind myself of this fact everyday. All of us will survive and overcome. The power of positive thinking and belief. Take care.

This is scary, and at the same time is enlightening. What both Mary and Melina are saying hits the nail on the head. I lost my wife on 3June11 to pancreatic cancer. Even though we received the diagnosis over a year ago, you are never prepared. There is no guideboook that tells you how things will be and how to deal with it. Everyone is the "creator of their own realily", but I always told myself during the past year, as well as everyday now, "I am alive and I will survive". The house, I mean home is now empty and quiet, but she is still here with me always. I am seeing that the pain is easing off, but the grief will never go away. I am a believer in positivity, we must focus that way and take one day at a time. One has to have the positive focus in order to collectively deal with it and help others who share the common denominator. I have found the posts in this support group to have been very helpful in dealing with my grief. When my loss happened, I thought I was the only one this had ever happened to, but I realize I am not alone. As you all have mentioned, unless you actually experience a loss first hand, and especially being the primary caregiver, all others are DGI's. (Don't Get Its).. Best to you all.

Carol, I relate very well to your experience. When my Sharon passed on to heaven (3June10), I wanted then to honor my Love to her by completing several Honey-Do's that I had not taken care of in the past months, since I devoted all my time together and caring for her. Examples were like installing those new handles we bought in Jan. on all the kitchen cabinets, extending the patio, building that outside shower, and the list goes on. I had a feeling of accomplishment and pleasing just knowing that Sharon was looking down and smiling, and complementing me as she always did for such jobs. You keep doing those things you know will please your loved one. Everything happens for a reason.