ilosthim

I feel like I should update on my process since I see so many sad stories. Maybe mine will give them some hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I never heard from steve again, he pushed me completely out of his life and I am doing great. I see the defaults of him and how we were not made for each other. Sometimes I do miss him but then I remember how things went terribly wrong. HE made the choice to leave me, HE chose to shut me out, and HE had the issue, not me. I have dated a few guys since him and one led to a relationship, but I ended it about a week ago due to his anger and not respecting me career decisions. I think after Steve and I, I have gotten stronger, smarter, and happier. I now know what I want and deserve. I have been talking to a guy I met through my recent ex, but are taking things slow. Now granted we both know my recent ex, him and i were together a month and he told me to be happy. So I am on to find someone else who appreciates me. Finding a good man today is hard, they are almost extinct! But I will find my prince, I don't know if I have, but I do know I am happy with life right now and my experiences made me stronger. Oh and btw Steve did get back with his ex. A friend told me, so that kind of put things to rest and also made me realize to listen to my gut from now on. I did cry for a little bit when I heard but it made me cry more that I didn't listen to myself. So fellow grievers, there is light at the end of the tunnel and we can make it through tough times like this. Be stronger, keep busy, spend time with those who care about you, and really just talk it out. Consulting helped so much. This site also helped so much and made me feel not alone in this situation. Talking, typing, writing helps more then you know. Be strong <3

Its funny how fate works. I thought I met someone nice and new after being with you, but I wasn't sure I was ready. I thought I was, but I am not ready. I think about you everyday and wonder how you are, where you are, if life is better for you, and hoping your grieving process is going well. Do I miss you? No, I really don't. But I still care for you and want you to have a good life. Is this the process of moving on? I guess so. Little things remind me of you, and I laugh and say "oh that reminds me of Steve!", I smile and then the thought slips my mind. I actually see we weren't meant for each other, though I repetitively told myself we were. This was a blessing in disguise. I thank you, still care for you, and wish a happy life for you.

It's amazing how our stories are simular, just I wasn't with my ex for 10 years, but knew him that long. When he lost his grandfather (father figure), I saw the change in him and passed it off for his grieving. He lost interest in me, stopped wanted to go out as often, but in reality, that is how it was before he lost his grandfather. I was just oblivious to the whole situation. He treated me like crap, unless he wanted something sexual. But the worst thing is I let him treat me that way! Oh and then when we broke up he admitted he walked all over me and I said, "If you loved me then why did you do so?" Never got an answer, never did and never will, but the way he reacted to this "fight" we had before we broke up was childish and he ran to his Mummy and Grandmother to protect him. Instead of manning up he had them do the dirty work, and they made excuses for him saying he needed time to grieve. Okay, I understand that, and its completely okay with me, but why push me away? I only wanted to be supportive, helpful, and loving. I drove two hours, from school, to be with him. I did everything for him, helped his family out, supported him, and what did I get in return? A break up text. In the end, I was woken up by his childish acts of talking to his ex (whom he still had feelings for), keeping naked pictures of her on his phone and email, and treating me like crap. I DO NOT diserve such treatment, I was a good girlfriend. Buying him things to keep his mind busy, making him dinner, going out of my way to do things for him and his family. In the end, it sucks. My birthday was a few weeks ago and I never got a Happy Birthday wish from him when I dropped everything to be with him on his birthday, during midterms! I even got him a playstation 3 when money was tight. I just don't understand. The happy ending to the story was ruined, BUT I made my own happy ending by figuring out he is not what I deserve. I have moved on, got a new job, going back to school, and finding new friends. I cried, A LOT, I yelled and screamed, A LOT, but I got through it, but it will take a while for me to be completely over it. I don't miss him, I miss the thought of a happy ending. I now met someone and we are taking it slow and having made a commitment. We agreed not to see other people, but he understands how important it is to me to take things slow. He is sweet, caring, and actually treats me good! It was silly and ironic how I stubbled across him, but I did. And he actually listens to what I have to say and doesn't make me feel like my breath is wasted on him. The fact of the matter is you can make it hun, we all can. Even though its tough, and sucks, we can do it. It takes time, tears, sweat, and frustration, but it will happen. We are all here to listen, and help talk. Even though we can not give you answers, we can help talk about them and let you know you are not alone. Best wishes, and keep on posting. Hugs!

I am doing alright. My birthday has come and gone with no "Happy Birthday" wish from him. I still don't, and may never, understand how you can cut someone out, who you claim is so important to you. I miss him some days and others, not so much. I think the part that hurts me the most is the way I acted. But I am moving on and focusing on my future. I actually met someone and went on two dates with him. Even though I feel guilty, its kind of nice to talk to someone. We are taking it super slow and he understands why. I fear that it would seem I didn't care about Steve because I am going out on a date, but that is far from the truth. I just have learned to except his choices. Consulting has been so helpful in helping me realize it wasn't fair. Plus, during our relationship there were so many red flags of him still having feelings for his ex girlfriend, that I felt the relationship was eventually heading for the wall. I was in love with the thought of being in love with him that I looked past he faults and never questioned his actions of still talking to his ex and finding naked pictures of her on his computer. But I still love him and always will. Would I ever take him back? I think not, but a piece of my heart will always be his.

I was doing fine until today. I saw his friend I met while we were together, at my job. I don't know if it hurt because I she is a part of his life or because he still talks to her. I wasn't the same after that. I tried to keep busy, but felt my mind slipping back to him. Then I did stupid things at work that made me look stupid and I just feel horrible today. I came home and was yelled at for not cleaning prior to work so I went to bed. I really don't see the point in trying anymore...

Thank you KayC. You really opened my eyes to something, that sitting here and waiting is not good for me. I do believe I shouldn't wait, but that tinge of hope keeps me going, playing fantasies in my head of us getting together. But once those fantasies start to play I think, what is going to happen in the future when things get tough again. Is he someone I can depend on? Or someone who will run? I have a battle going on within me. Things are so hurtful I don't know what to say or do. I wake up, go to work, and come home and watch TV. I go out with my friends, and feel better, but then things come crashing down. When it rains it pours, a good friend/mentor/hero of mine passed away two days ago. A woman, whom I have never saw or knew told me he died at age 63 of a heart attack while scuba diving. He was so good to me, so supportive. He was a veterinarian and I am going to school to be one. I shadowed him and hoped to work with him one day. Now that day will never come. I am so upset I have been dealing with my break up that I pushed him away. He always was willing to help me with learning. He never had kids and favored me in replacement so to speak. I wish he was still here, I wish I saw him more. I really hope there is a memorial. He is from London. I now know he is watching over me, pushing me through vet school. I think deep down I need to focus on getting my GPA back up and not worrying about boys. But then I sit and think of Steve. I am going to talk to my doctor about upping my Zoloft. Just to help me through this bump. Kayc you are so strong, I wish I was as strong as you, to be more confident in myself. I am sorry for your loses and am glad to share experiences and stories between each other. Believe me anything you talk about helps me understand the situation better and let me know I am not alone. You stating about Jim not being there for you through thick or thin made me realize that Steve could be the same way. I thank you.

Its amazing how so many people have gone through this experience. It is quite sad we had to deal with it, but at least we can help each other in this forum. I want to thank everyone for being supportive in my posts and giving their opinion/experience. I have yet to hear from Steve and am thinking I might not ever. One day I am okay and the next I'm not. I miss him and think about him night and day, but I also want him to grieve and find himself again. If that means without me, as painful as it is, then so be it. I want him to push through this, stronger and okay. I hate the fact that this tore us apart, but obviously it was gods path. He likes to challenge us, and believe me, I have been challenged from day one! My first relationship was abusive physically and psychologically. Then I met Steve. Funny, stupid, caring Steve. He isn't stupid, but does silly things that make me laugh and brings a smile to my face, even today. We ended our relationship because I was scared and afraid of what may come. We came back to each other a second time, a month or two after our first break up. I ended it again due to being scared. Years later, after many broken hearts on each others end, we found ourselves together again. We planned marriage because we agreed we would have been married by now if we stayed together. He made me fall in love a way I thought I never could. Each time he was understanding, loving, and always helped me. Now he ended it and I feel lost, and hopeless. I am trying to understand things and be a better person because of this. My birthday is in two weeks. I wonder if he will even message me a happy birthday. He might not even remember. He was horrible with dates that were important. Either way I figured before I leave for school I will send him an email stating I was thinking of him and praying for him. I don't leave till August 29th. I fear if I do it, I will either be hurt or even worse off then before. And I don't want that before I go to college, but I also want him to know I am here, patiently waiting and hoping he will be okay.

I agree with Kayc, it is hogwash. We are supportive of them and get not what we expect in return. I don't understand what and how their actions make their life better but it does (in their eyes). It is what they need. If they need to be alone and not have someone nurture them or be there for them, or hand them a tissue when their face is a mess, then that is their choice. You, me, or joeshmoe down the street will NOT understand it, but we can't put our lives on hold and wait for a man that doesn't want us in their life. Its hard to believe it, but we can move on and be happy...together.

I feel a mixture of sadness and anger. I don't understand how they can throw our entire relationship away while they grieve! I check his facebook and he seems fine, talks normal, doesn't even seem to care I am gone. We haven't spoke in three weeks. This is killing me slowly. I try to focus on the future and spend my time with friends but it only makes me feel better for a little. I wish I could reach out to him but I feel like I would be making a fool out of myself. I feel like he is punishing me for acting the way I did when he chose to let me go. How was I suppose to act?? Like, "Oh okay honey well feel better soon, talk to you in a few months or years?" I am sorry but you don't turn your back on someone you love. I was a good girlfriend! I did anything for him, treated him like royalty, my family loved him and bought him expensive things for his birthday! I mean, what else could I have done wrong? I fear this was a cover up to get back with his ex but I asked him and he said, "why would I use my grandfathers death as an excuse to break up? You know how close my grandfather and I are, and besides I would just flat out tell you." But I don't understand. I keep crying and everyone tells me to give him time but thats not fair to me! I feel selfish for saying that... Then my mother keeps saying, if he acts fine and doesn't care about your relationship then why are you still upset? I mean I feel like I can't even act the way I want to to grieve. I am suppose to move on and act like nothing happened. I hate this.

Hi everyone I can't tell you how relieved I was to find these forums on situations like mine. I thought I was the only one out there who was going through this. Family, friends, and myself included didn't understand why someone would do this. Here is my story and I apologize for the length. Steve and I met years ago, we dated when we were in high school and broke up due to silly reasons. Our love came back to each other this past October and its like we picked up right where we left off. We were happy, going out to dinner, him visiting me up at college, I felt like I was living a dream. In April his grandfather passed away unexpectedly. He was like his father, even though he knows and sees his father daily. He taught him everything he knows. When this happened, I drove home from college to be with him for a few days. I was expecting him to be a wreck! But he was fine, acting normal, barely any crying, and was like himself. I told him time after time to talk to me when he felt the need to, even if it was 1 am. He said okay and thanks. That is all he would say. The months following his grandfathers death he changed. Slowly, but surely. He didn't want to go out, he avoided things like being outside of his house and barely wanted to come to my parents house. He still lives with his grandmother. I kept blaming myself, thinking I was the reason for the change. I was so wrong. One day, Steve called me and was "off". I kept asking what it was, but he would start to say something and then stop. I was getting upset he couldn't talk to me. Then we got in an argument over my sister and he said he got REAL upset. He said he was thinking about breaking up at that point and I begged him to reconsider. We didn't speak for three days. I was a mess. Crying uncontrollably, mope around, stare at the phone waiting for a text from him. That text never came. I finally broke this ice and he responded. He explained he was finally grieving his grandfather and needed to deal with it on his own. He never said we were "breaking up" but him saying he needed time away was my indicator. Me being me, did not understand why he was doing this and blaming it on myself. I never lost anyone close to me. A few pets but not immediately family. I talked to him and begged him to not let me go. I told him I would wait and he would say he didn't know what to say. I told him I understood, when in reality I didn't. I said it because I thought it would keep him talking to me and open up. We talked for a day or two, but he would talk to me like a friend. Cold at times. And say things that were hurtful. I told him I couldn't talk to him. He agreed but was sad. I had a few things of his and he has some things of mine. I told him I would pick it up a few days later while he wasn't home, and to have his grandmother give me my things. Well I was a complete mess and couldn't go over there, not alone. So he messaged me when I didn't pick my things up and he said whats wrong. I said it was too hard to see his grandmother and see the house where we had so many memories and he got mad and said wow I feel horrible. I said, "See this is why I didn't want to talk to you because it will make things harder for you." He got angry and said fine. I apologized and said I was sorry that I just did not understand why he was doing this. He kept saying, "I don't know what to say." Well then his grandmother and mother emailed me and told me I had to bring his stuff by that day. I got upset because I felt like they were attacking me and telling me to give his stuff back and let him be. I cried to him saying why is your family being this way? I did nothing but help your family in their time of need and now I am being pushed out, like I did something wrong. He apologized and said it wasn't in their place to say something. I lost it. Luckily my father was there and took me over. He was my support. His grandmother talked to me and said she was sorry and that he needed time. I cried so much because seeing her and the house was so difficult. She told me he was getting help. I just didn't get why I was being shut out, by all of them. I told him his stuff was there and said I didn't want to give it back because it was the piece of him I had left. I told him I was afraid he would forget me, he said he would never forget me. I was angry and hurt and said, well I guess thats it. You will find someone who actually understands. He got angry and said, right now I am not concerned about that. I said wow, glad I meant nothing to you. He said, "a girl would have a hard time making me feel the way I do about you." I realize what I said and how I reacted was horrible, but I didn't understand! I blamed myself SO much. I still do. I apologized the next day and asked to be friends. He told me that we are and always were friends, that that has never changed. Then we spoke casually and ended the conversation. I messaged him a few days later, on his first therapy session and asked how he was feeling. He never replied. I figured that was my clue to leave him alone. I have not spoken to him in two or three weeks. The break up is a month old and I still cry. I had to delete him from facebook because he would post things on there like he was still happy and his posts were hurtful because he could act normal and be with his friends, but not me. I deleted his family too, it was just too much. I did so much and get treated this way. I want to help but am not able to. So I am moving on. A wish deep down hopes he comes back, but I know I can't predict that or hold onto that thought because its hurtful to me. I feel like a horrible person not understanding what he is going through and reacting the way I did. I am seeing a therapist and have suffered from depression for years, but have it under control. When this happened I lost control. I.miss.him.so.much. So many things have happened since we spoke last. I possibly can't go back to school, a friend I graduated with hung himself (we weren't incredibly close but knew of each other), my parents are moving....I just feel so overwhelmed. I want to contact him so much, but won't/cant since I erased his information. I looked on his facebook account and he got a large tattoo on his leg. I remember he said he would never get one! I was shocked and blown away that he would do something like that. But he still acts normal and doesn't care I am gone. I just wish he would tell me if he was doing okay. I know it would happen over night, but I care for him deeply.

I would like to say, this post is helping me tremendously. My boyfriend has broken up with me a month ago to this date. See, his grandfather died, which was/is his father, because he raised him. He died in April, suddenly. My ex was fine, no crying, nothing. Then slowly but surely things went wrong. He pulled away from many things he enjoyed, including me. We got in an arugement and it took such a toll on him he said he had no room left for this pain. He finally admitted he was mourning his grandfathers death, three months later. NOTE: I never lost anyone close to me. In the process, he pushed me out, broke up with me, and said he neeeded to be alone and it wasn't my fault. His mother and grandmother were not very supportive and told me I had to leave him alone. I didn't understand, why would you push me away? I apologized for the silly fight and he said he was fine with it, but then he turns around and breaks up with me? I begged him to let me in and help him but he said no. I kept asking him if this was it and he would say, "I don't know or I guess so". I was distraught, trying to find what I did wrong. I finally told him I was sorry for being the way I was and that we were friends. He said he was fine with that. His grandmother told me he is going to consulting, and I wasn't suppose to know. I messaged him his first day to see how he was, I got no response. So I haven't heard from him in two weeks. I deleted him off of facebook, deleted his number, and am giving him what he wants....his space. I know if I keep those things I will not respect him and keep pestering him. This post helped me the most because I feel I am not alone in this situation. That its not just me. I cry, every day, and pray every second to see a text from him, but I don't, nor do I think I ever will. If I do, okay, if not thats okay too. Its hard to admit it, but I will be okay. I just need time. I have been putting myself into everything; school, work, friends, family, you name it. It helps for the moment, but once I am alone I think about him. I cry, I write, and I post. I am seeing a therapist, because my family doesn't understand why I am upset and doesn't respect my feelings. My friends do, but I feel like a broken record. My moto is, "How can you wash away a foot print he left in your life? You don't, because there are many foot prints you have or will have, you just got to find the right shoe."