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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Susan Y

Contributor
  • Posts

    27
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Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    6/28/2011
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Kansas City

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Missouri
  1. babylady, Hugs to you too! 42 years is a very long time. I'm so sorry. I watched my Mom suffer when my Dad passed away in 84 and he did everything for her too. He was her world. She did however become independent and strong again. She wore her wedding ring until the day she died and never married or dated. I often wished she would have as she was very lonely at times. I hope you find peace and know that you will find a normal again.
  2. Hello all, I lost my sweet Mom a year ago June 28th. I have missed her terribly as we were very close. Same story as most all of you. Have any of you felt this experience has changed you or taken something away so to speak? I have worked hard and have a blessed life. A wonderful husband, 3 beautiful healthy kids and a very good management job in the medical field. Since she has been gone there is an emptiness I can't seem to shake. I always miss her but lately she is all I think about. Perhaps the anniversary date coming and going. Still can't believe it. I am fearful I will never be the fun happy person I used to be. I have to make myself seem happy and fake I guess. I workout 5-6 days a week for stress, eat right, and I just don't know what to do. My self esteem which was not always the strongest has also been affected and I have no idea why?? Thank you all for listening, perhaps this doesn't make sense to some of you or maybe it will. I am 42 now, maybe dealing with all of this grief, my job, raising kids, has sent my hormones in a tailspin. Have a good everyone. There is only so much friends and a spouse can understand and some thoughts are easier to share with this board. I
  3. Deb, you may not have had a dream but what a wonderful message you received from her saying she loved you. That in itself is as good as any dream. To Bishop, bless you! We all know that lost and painful feelings you have right now. Any time myself or siblings were hurting it made my Mom so upset. No parent wants the child to be in any kind of pain. Like someone else said in an earlier post, allow yourself to be sad but try and make yourself happy when you can. You will start to feel better. You will still hurt, trust me it grips you at the oddest time. Take care.
  4. My Mom passed away this past June. I have posted on here before but I am so busy with job, kids, home it is hard to keep up. I want to share something that I have been waiting for. My Mom and I were so very close as many of you on here were with your Mom. My dreams of her were always scattered and did not make sense. But this one did. My 3 year old was having surgery, I manage a large medical clinic of 50 staff, and have 3 kids under age 10. Needless to say life is crazy. I was upset the night before the surgery and dreamed of her. In my dream my cell phone was vibrating in my purse. I was irritated because wherever I was you should not be using a cell phone. I answered it and it was my Mom. My first words were "momma" that is what I always called her. She said yes. I immediately cried and said I miss you so much. She answered I miss you too. I then said I don't want to ruin our conversation with crying but it has been so hard. She then said I'm sorry. I asked her if she was happy and she said yes. I then said I am so glad because I know how unhappy you were for a long time with how sick you were becoming. I asked her if she was healthy and she said yes. I then asked her if she knew everything that was going on here and she said yes. I then woke up. It was amazing. It was a dream I know not a real conversation but it was the most comforted I have felt since she passed away. It was so realistic. I have tallked to her many times and told her I was waiting for a sign that she was ok. That was all I wanted to know was that she was ok and happy. I wrote this down in a journal so I would not forget. I woke up crying and told my husband about it. He said if anyone could find a way to communicate it would be your Mom. I love her so much and miss her terribly. I am so thankful that she blessed me with that. Thank you all for listening.
  5. Hello Deb. I have been away from the board for awhile. Funny thing is that my guilt and wondering if I could have done more has faded. It is once again replaced by such longing for her sweet face ;( I would love to pick up the phone and call her. I tried to search for old voice mail messages from her but they were all deleted. Above all, I still have that "I can't believe she is gone" feeling. The holidays were very hard. It is my first holidays without her. I hope you are doing well and got through the holidays ok. I love this board but sometimes it makes me think a little too much!! Take care.
  6. Hello Deb, thank you for responding. I am so sorry about your Mom as well. Toward the end my Mom was much likes your Mom, wheelchair bound and did not feed herself. The sad part is that she was only this way for about a month before she died. I had her healthy and clear minded for months before that. I treasure those months and now see it was one last gift of time with her. I thought she was back to normal for good and really had NO idea that she would die ;( Just having them in our life was enough but we both need to realize both of our Mom's were in terribl shape. I hope you dream about your Mom soon. Maybe you have and just don't remember. Thank you again for your post.
  7. Hello all, I have posted here many times and it was mostly about missing my Mom. I miss her more than ever but now have a new feeling that has came out of nowhere. I had a terrible nightmare early this morning. My Mother passed away in a hospital. I was looking for her in my dream at some hospital. I thought if I could find her I could save her. I had spoke to her in my dream although I don't remember what I said then I couldn't find her. My husband kept telling me in my dream that she had died but I didn't beleive him, I think I just kept looking for her. I finally found her in the hospital morgue. It was terrible, she was wearing her favorite red shirt. I know this sounds rather creepy and or odd. I had to share it with someone who may have had a crazy dream about a loved one. The details of when I saw her were so real although they were not pleasant details. I took care of my Mom for a long time and have always felt I did everything I could for her. Now I feel I should have done more and she would not have died. We were close so I have no regrets on telling her how much I loved her. I just wonder if I should have been more aggressive with her healthcare early on. Why on earth am I feeling this way now?? She has been gone since June 29th and this is a totally new feeling. I know dreams are just dreams but why all of the sudden I am feeling so upset thinking I could have done more is beyond me. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
  8. Hello to both new members. I lost my Mom on June 29 of this year. I feel the same way you all do. My life has changed a lot. I too see friends that I love dearly with their parents and feel envious that they still have their Mom. My Mom was my best friend and I took care of her for a very long time. Endless doctor appointments, ER visits, you name it we went through it. She was an amazing lady and loved by everyone. She just had a way of knowing what to say and how I was feeling that nobody does. My husband however is very supportive and we are thankfully very close. I wish ther was something I could say to help you. We never think we are going to lose our Moms even when we know they are sick. Part of being a child I suppose no matter our age. I am sure your friends may seem distant but often people do not know what to say so they stay quiet and do other things. The holidays are tough but Thanksgiving is over and I am happy I got through that. It was her favorite holiday. I had a good day which I did not think I would. God bless you especially during the holidays so that you can at least get through them. Grief is as unique as a fingerprint and we all have to get through it the best we can. These boards have helped me see my feelings are normal and I am not too far out in left field! Take care.
  9. Hello Sadcandy, I lost my Mom as well on June 29 of this year. The pain is still there, more present now than ever I assume because of the holidays. I cannot say it any better than the wonderful people on this board. They have encouraged me. Best of all, I realized that my feelings and behaviors were not so unusual after all. It truly is a day at a time. Good days will come and then a bad one will creep up out of the blue. Bless you in this painful journey we are all right there with you!
  10. Hello - I just replied to a post you posted to me! I am so sorry about your losses. Losing so many dear people in your life so close together is overwhelming. Your life has purpose. Your family would not want you to suffer and lose yourself. You have to find your way back somehow. Have you spoken to your doctor? I refuse to take medication but it does have some value. Especially if you have not pulled yourself back up after 5 years. You sound like the kind of person I am. I feel like I have lost my spark as well but it has only been since June that I lost my Mom. It sounds like you have some wonderful friends. As far as the boyfriend maybe he is not the right person to bring back love to your life. I'm sorry if I seem full of advice. I am a fixer and like to make people feel better and I know how bad this hurts. I have to make myself engage with friends, activities, etc. I am the same age as you I hope this board helps you in your journey. I try and remember when I am feeling so low that one of the things that upset my Mom in life is when her kids were hurting, emotionally, physically, etc. She only wanted us to be happy. Fight your way through this. You have been at this longer than me. I lost my Dad and Grandparents as well so I understand that orphan feeling. Take care.
  11. Hello Mlisers! I loved your comment about the garden. I so agree there are those moments of "slaps in the face" My kids are 3, 7 and 9. My Mom worshiped them. When I was down this week they surrounded me with silliness, laughing and trying to wrestle me. That helped me remember one of my greatest gifts in life. My Mom lived for her kids. It was olmost like a reminder from her to find comfort in them. I am sorry for the loss of your Mom. We will always miss our Moms I think. I talked to an elderly lady who lost her Mom many years ago and she said she still wishes for conversations with her. I always say that grief is one of our flaws when God created us. Of course we should feel pain and sorrow but it should fade to acceptance within 2 months and we can miss them but not have such intense pain and longing for them. Glad you found this website. It has been helpful to know I am not crazy
  12. Hello Mary, I hope your recover soon from your injuries. Rotater cuffs are certainly painful. I found your comment from the medium to be very interesting. My Mom and I (although we are both christian) were always interested in things like that. I have had fleeting thoughts of talking to a medium to try and communicate with my Mom. I have never told anyone this as I think they would think I lost my mind. I miss her more now than ever. It has been 18 weeks since she passed. Now I am curios what I may be told. If anyone could communicate that way my Mom would. She had such a wonderful personality and was loved by all. She told me once she would always be with me. I have not idea if I will seek out the services of a medium but what you were told was very interesting to say the least. Thank you for sharing. Take care.
  13. Thank you Patrice and everyone else that replied. I just figured out there was a second page of replies.. I am somewhat slow on this website. I do believe my Mom is in heaven and pain free. I know her faith is strong and she loved God and was always living her life for him. Knowing this, knowing she is pain free should ease my pain. It really doesn't. I want to call her and talk to her. Kiss her cheeks and laugh with her. Shop with her, tell my secrets and I can't. I envy your faith. I still have faith in God. I just wish I could use that to make me feel better. I do feel some better knowing she is not suffering anymore but my selfish part wants her back. Praying for faith like yours! Thank you so much you words were by inspiring.
  14. Thank you everyone for your replies. It is nice to come to this place and see I am not alone in this. I have wonderful family and friends but unless you are going through this it is difficult to understand. I will continue to fight through my emotions. My Mom always tried to "work" her way through a sad time. I wish for peace for all of you. With the holidays coming I am sure we will meet again on this board. Take care everyone.
  15. I have posted here before but kind of lost my way I guess. I was doing so well but with the coming of fall I feel as though my grief is back FULL FORCE. In my previous post I was upset that I never "felt" my Mom. Her promises of giving me a sign or knowing she was around never came. About 3 weeks ago I was riding in the car with my family after my 9 year olds football game. I was happy, smiling, laughing it was a good day. I looked out the window and out of nowhere I actually felt her. Her sweet fact just popped into my head and I felt a warmth inside. Hard to describe but it literally took my breathe away. It left me in tears. Although not 100% I have to hold on to the possibility that maybe she was reaching out in some way. I loved the feeling of her. I know our minds play tricks but she was not in my mind at the moment, she just popped in there. With fall here I have a sense of loss that I did not feel until now. I miss her like never before. I wish I could talk to her about work, my husband, the funny things my kids are doing. I understand (somewhat) the grieving process. I just don't know why it went from intense to calm, now it is intense again followed by such a deep sense of loss and lonliness. Does anyone else feel so completely different? I feel inadequate at work, as a mother, a wife? I try to fight it. I know how it broke my Moms heart to see me or my brothers cry. I try to be strong but she is so missed right now by so many. I hope I can feel better soon and have more control over myself. Closing my office door at work and crying cannot go on forever. Miss you Mom.
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