Meg1979

its so hard, i feel as if the things that i use to enjoy i don't care for no more- i use to drive with music blasting, now most times i just drive in silence and talk to him, think about him and i only listen to sad songs, his songs, songs that remind me of him. i always want to be by the water, guess its some kind of connection i have- i just want to sit there and do nothing. everytime i look at our daughter, she has his eyes and looks like him. i've known him for 17 years so almost everything is a reminder. yesterday i was looking for something and found letters from him to our daughter, and a certificate for being the greatest daughter signed daddy. some peoples reaction just drive me crazy- oh but he was ur ex husband!!! oh ok, so i should care? he was my best friend- who cares if we got a divorce or not- its somebody i spend most of my life with. i guess some don't know what to say, but some should just keep their mouths shut. who ever said it gets easier in time lied, it doesn't- we just have to learn to accept the fact and learn to live with it...... so much to look forward to!

thank you ladies- this is a song its called one sweet day by Mariah Carey & Boys 2 men. I have also set up a memorial site for him (this song plays on his site- if you would like to see: http://ayman.elabyad.muchloved.com/pages/tributes/home.aspx

Well its been months now..... the case got closed as the police said they have nothing to go on! sad, there were drugs in the system when they did the full testing that we've waited for 7 months so cops don't want to bother with this case. the only clousure i got is autopsy pictures, police showed me pictures of how he was found- just lying in the water, and autpsy pic at coronors office. the image of him in the water will always be in front of my eyes- but i just had to see cause i was still in denial thinking he will call me. while he rests back in his country we miss him here so much and wish we could visit his grave. our daughter is doing ok. things have finally slowed down, he still visits me in my dreams here and there, last time he was in my bed and said he sleeps beside me every night. his family came around and even called, his brother calls to see how our daughter is doing and last weekend we went to his brothers house, he broke down when he saw our daughter, hugging her and crying. he gave us money that was left in his bank accounts and refunds etc. its still hard, in july it will be 1 year and i wish it would get easier but it doesnt, i still want to call him, hear his voice. like the song says..... Although the sun will never shine the same I'll always look to a brighter day. i wasn't left with a choice- i have to be strong! Sorry I never told you All I wanted to say And now it's too late to hold you 'Cause you've flown away So far away Never had I imagined Living without your smile Feeling and knowing you hear me It keeps me alive Alive And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven Like so many friends we've lost along the way And I know eventually we'll be togetherOne sweet day Darling, I never showed you Assumed you'd always be there I took your presence for granted But I always cared And I miss the love we shared And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven Like so many friends we've lost along the way And I know eventually we'll be together One sweet day Although the sun will never shine the same I'll always look to a brighter day Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep You will always listen as I pray And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven Like so many friends we've lost along the way And I know eventually we'll be together One sweet day And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven Like so many friends we've lost along the way And I know eventually we'll be together One sweet day Sorry I never told you All I wanted to say

thank you, yes he will be with us forever- i just wish i could have him here- all i wanted and begged for was to hold his hand and say good bye. they say time will heal and ease the pain, today is 1 month and 1 day and its getting harder cause i miss him, the talks we had, our plans for our daughters future. i have no choice but to go on....... thank you everyone for listening to me and for all your support- it means so much. funny how strangers are more helpful than family. (my daughters friend passed away in june, she was just 8 years old) i spoke with her mom for the first time and she said that my daughter can use her daughters grave to talk to her daddy- she is such a sweet lady and god bless her- we will visit her friend and talk to him.

thank you everyone. saturday was his funeral back in his country- he left on thursday and we never got a chance to say good bye. they put his death notice in the paper in his country, named step brother who he hasn't spoken to in years and they never even mentioned he had a daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how sad is that???? i am so tired, i fought for a month to have his body here. now i can't fight anymore, i don't even have the energy- all i wanted to do is hold his hand and say good bye. now its too late. he is gone forever.

i have decited to have a memorial here for him, they might take his body away - far away- but i know he will always be here, where his daughter is. i will have the memorial as it is so not fair how his family is doing this- we all have the right to say good bye, so i will invite his friends, co-workers etc- our daughter as well as i do need the clousure. i will go to my funeral home on wednesday, this way i will do everything my way cause i know how he would of wanted. his family will not be invited as they took our rights away. they will NEVER see our child as they scared her for life and took her rights to her daddy away. she is the closes thing, she is his one and only blood- u would think the family would of treated her a little different. they are all dead to me and no one will see her. i tried everything, at the end of the day i will be able to sleep knowing i tried. they will have to live for the rest of their lives knowing what they had done!!!! they can try to take me to court but they will never win cause they never do anything in the best interest of the child. his best friend from his country tired helping me as he is on my side, he called they and they wouldn't hear it. he promised me he will buy a teddy bear, flowers and place our picture on his grave from us- he said he knew how much he loved me and all he talked about was me and his child- he said he consideres me his sister. he will be coming to canada and i told him he will be the only one who will be able to see our child. i at least wanted to see him before they ship him out, i want to put a teddy bear, pictures and a letter for him in the casket so he is not alone!!! i will never get that chance. i will make plans for a beautiful memorial, i will have his pictures all over, flowers music and friends, after i will take the flowers and go to the beach where he was found. thank you everyone for listening to me, i know there are so many that are going through loss of a loved one and i am really sorry this has to happen to so many of us.

i just spoke to the funeral home, they said there will be no visitation, his body is going back to his country- they won't even let my daughter say good bye to her daddy!!!! what kind of monsters are they???? i am a mess!!! how could anyone take her right away like that. when i asked if i could see him the guy told me i am not family!!!!!! i don't know what to do anymore- how can anyone do this!!!!!!!! i can't call his mother cause she doesn't speak english. family is not answering any of my calls or texts. i just have no energy for this all.

last night the coronor called, we were waiting for finger prints results to come and it was positive- he told me a lady called (his brother's wife and made arrangements) she chose a funeral home near no where where he ever lived!!!! who would do that? its a no name funeral home!!! never heard of them, they do have a website and all- prices seam cheper there, most things done there are cremations!!!!! now, maybe because they want to save money they will burn him and ship his ashes back to his country!!! this would be agains his wishes!!! no one but the cornor is calling me, havent heard from family for a long time, maybe they won't even tell me about funeral details- they are just so different and weird, not once did anyone call to see if our child is ok!!!!! i am losing everything, i keep on telling him i will do what it takes to fight for his rights- but legally i cant do anything.

carol, i worked at a funeral home before- death and looking at dead bodies does not bother me, yes this time it will be much different cause he was such with me since i was 15 and father of my child. i might ask them to cover him, i will just sit with him and hold his hand. lawyer said because our daughter is only 7 years old she has no right (nice huh?) next of kin is his mother who still does not know and this is going on the 3rd week!!!! i am just so tired and want this all to end. not sure about the requirnments to ship a body internationaly, but i know there is a lot of paper work involved and i heard that if the body is badly decomposed they might not even allow it cause it is 14hr flight- his family is muslim so i think embalming is out of the question and i think that is another requirnment. just not sure what to do. sometime i feel like steeling his body and doing it myself but that would be a little crazy!!! i just don't want him to be in that freezer!!! breaks my heart.

Thank you Dwayne. they know we are divorced so i cannot go and claim his body- wish i could- all i want now is for him to rest in peace- when he rests i rest. he is muslim so i don't think cremation would go well, but no one is telling me anything- his brother is just like that- more tests were performed and to get results it will take 6 month. i just hope they don't take him away from us- its so hard, not in a million years i thought this would happen to him- he use to tell our daughter "daddy is a beast from the middle east" no one can hurt me. and now just knowing that he did not die of drowning, that someone hurt him just kills me! every night i ask him to come to me and one night i felt a tug on my arm, next day after that my bed fell to the floor. i am not scared and i wish he would visit me every night. i live in a condo so i don't have a backyard- i just want to find out what is going on with his body- i don't want him lying in a freezer, plus as soon as funeral home will pick him up i will be able to see him if i sign papers that i will not hold them responsible for trauma it might cause me- i am ready to sign thouse papers cause i just need to hold his hand- i know the body will not look anything like him but i just have the need to do this, i need to see it to beleive it.

hi everyone, i am new here. i've been with my husband since i was 15 yrs old (32 now) we divorced just this past dec but we were best friends- we also have a 7 year old beautiful daughter together. july 15 i was with him, he took my car so the mechanic could take a look, when he droped of my car i had no idea that it would be our last time, our last hug! on july 17 he was on a boat with 5 other people, they all say that he jumped in (he would never as he does not know how to swim) investigation is still taking place. july 29th his body was found in the water. i went crazy, i need him. his brother whom i never got along with wants to ship his body back to his country- far away! i need him here!!!! my daughter needs a place where she can visit him, he will never be able to walk her down the aisle, i want her to go to his grave in her wedding dress etc- i need a place where i can go and talk to him. because our daughter is not 18 yrs old she has no rights, next of kin is his mother who is back in his country ( still doesnt know he is dead cause the brother is in denial and doesn't want to deal with it. family is not answering my calls, i have no idea what is going on- i didn't tell our daughter yet. i am a mess, i know he would want to be where his child is, but he had no will. what do i do? i called the coronor office and the body is still there, it will have to be a closed casket cause the body is so decomposed, they said if i signed papers that i will not hold them responsible to trauma in my life, the funeral home will let me see him, and i feel the need- just to hold his hand. they say it will get easier as time goes by, but to me its just harder. i need to take him from that freezer and have a safe place where he can rest in peace- i don't know why his family is being like this!!!!