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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Joe

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About Joe

  • Birthday 07/30/1969

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  • Location (city, state)
    Elk Grove Village, IL

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  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
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  1. HS Mom, I can understand. I lost my Dad on 5/26/06. The important thing to do is what feels right. There is no right or wrong way of greiving. You mentioned in your post: " When my dad died, she[your husbands sister] never came to the wake, funeral or even sent a card." I have a very close friend who did the same. I asked her about the situaiton 3 weeks after it had happened. Her response to me was that she was too distraught and knew how I was doing at the time(not good), that she was not able to acknowledge it. She did sign the guest book on line, after I had asked her about it. I am not sure if it the same situaiton or not but I hope it is helpful. It does get easier with time thought it is never really fully healed.
  2. Kasey, I can totally understand where you are coming from. I lost my Aunt one night (5/28/06 8:30pm), and my Father the next morning(5/26/06 9:17am). There are times when I cry and I am not sure if crying for one or the other or both. Hard as it is we must all try to go on. No, life will never be the same but we must try to go on living life to the fullest we can. Use the happy times to get us through. Death is never easy even in cases of illness(or at least in my experiences). Yes a part of you goes with them but on the other side of the coin, a part of the person is still with you forever. Perhaps a favorite song, tradition, favorite place. They (that person), is still with you through the memories kept alive and cherished. I wish you strength to keep going. I can say I have my good and bad as I am sure everyone does. I am told that it does get better with time. Know you are not alone and that you are cared for. (hugs). Joe
  3. I ahve been involved in this online community for four weeks. My father passed on 5/26/06. The advice and companionship is excellent and does help. I am now finding that I am part of an interesting yet difficult situation and was wondering if anyone can advise or point in the right direction. I am the youngest of 5 children(36)in my family which has always been very very close, until my Dads passing. My two oldest sisters(54 and 52), are not speaking to each other. My second oldest sister is still at 5/26/06. She was the closest to dad. She wanted to hold onto his oxygen "Just incase you never know when someone would need it." She gave me an old razor of dads and when I was going to throw out the old blades she grabbed them and said those are Daddy's whiskers." I can understand that we all mourn and experience grief at different stages and times. Also there is no right or wrong way for one to grieve. My concern is that my two older sisters were always extremely close in a family sense. Now they are not speaking and there is so much tension between them. I received 2 calls from one sister today and was getting a really rude snotty attitude for something which I did not deserve it for. I did not argue with her as I thought that would be the worse thing to do and just let the calls fly by. I am wondering if she is trying to pull me in to her fued or break apart the family all together. I have starting attending a greif support group(Last night 6/22/06), and my other sisters are all in support of it. My one sister feels that "She does not have a problem we all have the problem." She also has stated "I dont need help from you or anyone else." Her words are coming across like dagegrs and knives instead of words and her actions are alarning us all that love and care about her. What can I do to remain safe and sane in the situation and yet get her to see how her actions, if no help is needed, are conveying a totally different message?
  4. Shell and Sunstreet, I can totally understand. My Dad had passed from COPD. Basically severe Asthma, Bronchidus and empheseema(sp). It was at the point where he was in the hospital ICU units every two weeks. I was with him Thursday 5/25/06 in the Nursing home with Mom and one of my older sisters. We had what turned out to be, his final supper with him. When I left I did my ritual which was get them both fresh ice water hug them both and kiss them both good bye. That night I told my Dad goodbye, kissed him and said I love you Daddy. I came home and spoke to my oldest sister and told her that before the weekend(Memorial day), was over we would be in the hospital as Dad did not look that great. The next morning, Friday 5/26/06 at 8:52am, a time which is ingrained in my mond for what seems like forever, I received the call form the nursing home and drove to the hospital where he was pronounced DOA. People ask me how I am doing? I look at them and ask how do you think and usually start getting teary eyed. Having seen Dad go through so much in a way it is a relief to know he is at peace. I still do miss him terribly and usuallyend up crying uncontrolably. I am glad that we can gather strength from each other and be here, for each otehr. I too am going to go into counseling to get through this. I would like to share a quote from a card I received from my co-workers. this quote seems to help me find some peace. "His Journey's Just Begun" by E Brenneman "Don't think of him as gone away-- his journey's just begun, life holds so many facets-- this Earth is only one. Just think of him as resting from the sorrows and the tears in a place of warmth and comfort where there are no days or years. Think how he must be wishing that we could know today how nothing but our sadness can really pass away. And think of him as living in the hearts of those he touched... for nothing loved is ever lost-- and he was loved so much." Hugs to all Joe
  5. Everyone thank you. It is an interesting day. Friday I did not sleep well at all. I had to work Saturday AM. I came home and just crashed. Today Sunday I am supposed to be working late. I woke up and was convinced it was Saturday. I went to work and seen the Sunday Sup thre and was asked how am I. I told her confused as to why she was there on a Saturday. She broke it to me that it is Sunday. I lost it and drove home. Shell, I am convinced that is a sign. my Dad always used to say he was going to come back as a bumble bee and sting everyone on their butt. I included this in my eulogy at the wake. The day of his funneral, my cousins after the service, went to our Grandmothers grave(about a block away). They arrived at the luncheon laughing. I asked what happened. They said as they were driving, a bee flew into their car and landed next to one of them. My one cousin was going to smash it and my other cousin was yelling "Don't do it it's Uncle Nick." They picked it up in their hand and released it out the window without being harmed. If thats not enough, I went to the cemetery the day after the funneral. I knelt at the grave and was crying. A bee came flying out of nowhere. I jumped to my feet and said "Daddy, It's joey. Please dont sting me I am allergic." The bee came right in my face, went to my shoe and flew away. I am convinced that everytime I see a bee it is my Dad.
  6. Thanks Shell. Today is not a good day. I have been breaking down . I was goign to do the balloon on Sunday but did it today knowing I will not be able to go near the cemetery on Sunday. I figured the balloon would be with his spirit. Forgive me if I am going a bit far or if I become offensive, but I keep telling myself his shell is all that remains in the grave. His spirit is out here amongst us and he is in a better place. He continues to live through us using the gifts he handed down to us. It still hurts but I am not sure what else to be thinking. Any ideas?????
  7. Dreamer, I can understand. This is my first visit. I am also looking for some help in dealing with a multiple death situaiton. My Fathers sister(Rose), died three weeks ago tonight, and my Father died three weeks ago tomorrow. I keep telling myself they are in a better place without suffering and no illness and they are singing and dancing without their oxygen and my Aunt can see again. the pain is therere and real. Cry as one of the other people had posted. Let it out. Know you are not alone.
  8. This is going to be a rough Fathers day. I just lost my Dad 3 weeks ago. I am planning on releasing a balloon at his graveside. I am not looking forward to Sunday however, I know he is in a better place and no longer suffering. The pain is still there.
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