itsdefinitelycomplicated

GMAN: I am living the same scenario except the ex-wife has not passed yet but in hospice care due to a losing battle with cancer. I have been through hell and back with this man (not proud to say but same situation as you). We finally got to a place where we decided to move forward and eloped 3 weeks ago. The same day we returned home, he was told that they were placing his ex-wife (divorced almost 7 years) in hospice as there was nothing left to try. When her cancer returned several years ago, I often encouraged him to have "that" conversation with her to resolve any unresolved issues, make amends and find out what her plans and wishes were for the children since it was inevitable this day would come. Unfortunately, this conversation never took place and now her condition has deteriorated so much that it is impossible to have. While I realize his kids should be his first priority and he needs to do everything he can for them during this difficult time, it is hard to know how to cope with a husband who has removed his wedding ring and is now living off and on at her home to care for her. He is a great father and being there for his kids is definitely something he needs to due, however, for he has kept them from being there because he doesn't want them to see her like and it is my understanding she feels the same way. I am completely at a loss on what to say, what to do, what's okay to feel, what I need to do to be supportive. I am there to listen and I am understanding when he doesn't come home, but like you, the amount of feeling and emotion he is showing has shocked me as they were never able to hold a conversation of more than a few words without it going sideways. I too want to be there for the kids, but I have been shunned on that front too. No matter what I say right now, it is wrong. There are no self-help books that deal with this situation, but it is a complete struggle with myself. I am at the point where I am a complete basket case and never know from one day to the next if my husband is coming home. It's definitely complicated...