This is addressed to anyone who is experiencing the anguish of having recently lost a beloved pet... 7 weeks ago, I lost my best friend. Cruiser was a beautiful lab-retriever mix, with a great sense of humour and nary an aggressive bone in his body. I didn't do anything without my 4 legged friend. He was my constant companion, we worked together, trained together, played together, laughed and cried together (if dogs can do such a thing). I often felt like I didn't need anything else in my life, as long as we had each other. Tragically, he was only in my life for 2 years before he was killed by a speeding truck. I have lost friends and family before, but I suppose I'd never lost someone that I had loved with such utter and complete abandon. I have never experienced the kind of physical and emotional anguish that overwhelmed me when he died. For the first 2 weeks, I thought that maybe the physical pain would never go away. I had to go on, to keep working without him (we worked in the woods together), but I felt so alone, and as soon as I stopped working, all I could do was curl up in fetal position to try to ease the intense pain in my insides. That pain finally eased. Then, after a month of crying everyday, I wondered if I would ever function like the relatively normal human being that I felt I used to be, and if I could think of him without feeling that terrible aching right in the center of my heart. I wondered if I would laugh again and love again and really mean it. Now I can. As I came to terms with the loss, the days of the week were like being on a rollercoaster. Some days I would be fine. I would feel enlightened and reflect on all that he had taught me in life and in death. Then, the next day I would be overwhelmed with emptiness, lash out at the world and want to die too. That too has passed, and I'm feeling more even keeled. We were so lucky to have such an amazing group of friends, family and aquaintances that expressed condolences and sympathies as if we'd lost a human child, complete with flowers and cards. In the place that I live, the age that we are, and the lifestyle that we lead, many of us have dogs instead of kids, and at least our friends could relate. It is so important to have friends, family and discussion groups like this that allow you to express your grief and have your feelings validated by other people's similar experiences. I also think that it is very important to, as soon as you can, start to embrace the hobbies, activities and other things that you loved to do before your time of grief, to remind yourself that there are many things to embrace and look forward to in life. My point to anyone that reads this is, as terrible as it might feel right now, as much as you feel like you will never be the same, it does pass and you will get better (on your own schedule). I just wanted to share my experience and offer some hope to anyone that is still really really suffering. I am still sad, but now I am also happy and hopeful and I can think of the companion that I lost without so much pain in my heart. The healing process is slow, really slow for some, and the best analogy for it that I can think of, is that it is like having a broken bone. At first there's tremendous pain, then you feel absolutely immobilized, but all the while the healing process continues, and although it may take months or more, one day it'll occur to you how much you have healed and how much healthier you are. I hope the healing process will continue for myself and for all of you. Below this letter is a piece I found on this website (http://www.griefhealing.com/article17.htm) that I don't want you to miss. I found it very helpful. Yours in love, health and happiness, Angie Bill of Rights for Grieving Animal Lovers It is Hereby Declared that Grieving Animal Lovers have the Right: 1.To feel the pain of grief when the bonds with our pets are broken. The bonds we have with our companion animals are deep and strong; the pain we feel when those bonds are broken is real and worthy of our grief. 2.To feel shocked and overwhelmed by the intensity of our grief. Since our animals' life spans are so much shorter than our own, it is inevitable that eventually we will experience the loss of our beloved animal companions. The grief we feel at such times can be far more intense than we ever expected, no different from that of losing another special family member or cherished friend. 3.To understand our grief reactions, feelings and behaviors as normal. Grief is a natural, spontaneous response to the loss of a significant relationship. 4.To express our grief in our own unique way, within our own time frame. The course of grief is unpredictable and uneven, with no specific time frame. How we express our grief will vary among individuals, but we all get through it in personally meaningful ways. 5.To have our grief recognized by others as significant and legitimate. Since grieving over animals isn't generally accepted in our society, we may feel uneasy or embarrassed, as if we have no right to feel or express our grief because our loss is not significant enough. But we're not grieving "just an animal". Since we're the only ones who know how much our animals meant to us, when they're gone we're the only ones who can measure how very much we've lost. 6.To feel supported by others in our grief. When our companion animals die, there are no formal, public rituals where we can express and share our sorrow, talk about our loss and obtain the sympathy and support of others. At the very time when we need to be with others who understand, we feel isolated and alone. We need to find someone with whom we can openly acknowledge our feelings, express and work through our pain, and come to terms with our loss. 7.To honor the memory of our pets in whatever way we see fit. To memorialize our beloved companion animals is to honor and acknowledge the important role they played in our lives, to bring comfort to ourselves and to help us keep their love and presence in our hearts. Among other things, we can memorialize our pets by writing about them, making an album or a scrapbook, planting a living memorial in our garden, having a meaningful memorial service, funeral or ritual, or making a donation to a charitable animal organization in our pet's name.
