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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

LoveinGreece

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  • Posts

    1
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Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    May 2, 2011
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    na

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Hyannis, MA
  1. I'm new to all this: posting, grieving, letting go of someone I love. I've been drowning in depression and tears for weeks, dragging myself out of bed in the afternoon and running over memories and WHY's in my head constantly. I don't know what to do or how to let go. My love is still alive but no longer who he was. A year ago, almost to the day, I met him in Greece. I was there most of the year and in that time we fell in love slowly but surely. I'm not the type to open my heart and fall but I slowly let him in as I stopped being able to consider anything else, he made me very happy in light of our differences We come from different worlds (he's from N Africa), education levels, financial situations, experiences in life. We were not a likely, reasonable match but we connected amazingly. Back in April I had to leave Greece due to Visa issues and stay out 90 days. We decide to wait for each other and even started talking marriage, which I never considered with anyone before (I am 35). 5 days after I left my love was in a terrible accident, that we still don't know how it happened. He lost the memory of what happened and was in a coma 2 days. He fell down a cliff that left him in the hospital for a month with a broken hip, ankle, elbow, fractured skull and other injuries. We talked every day but I was unable to get back in the country for 3 months. He was himself in the hospital but after he left he started to slowly change. When I got to Greece he was OK but really starting to obsess about how he fell. He started to feel like he was pushed which progressed into a paranoid obsession that consumed him. He believed people were out to get him and his family. It was a gradual change, he was in and out of being like himself but after a month of that he went to a dark place I may never know if he gets out of. When I was there he wouldn't stay with me, occasionally he was affectionate but we were no longer intimate. He thought there were cameras at my house, he wouldn't leave a certain area of the town and other odd behavior. He slipped further and further away from me and reality. I saw essence of his past self at times until the last few days I was in Greece, he was gone. I made appointments to help him including mental health, which he agreed to, but these last days he would't get out of bed, he wouldn't leave his house, he kept saying we'd met and not show up. In one of our last phone conversations he began to yell at me calling me a criminal for what I did to him. His paranoia turned to believe I had something to do with this fall. The last time I saw him he violently attacked me wanting to "do to me what I did to him". It was very scary and I have not talked to him since. Almost a month ago. Prior to this we talked every day. He suffers from PTSD perhaps, maybe brain injury, depression... ??? All I know is he was the sweetest, calmest person before this happened. We were very in love and I have hundred of pictures of us with the biggest smiles that now just haunt me and torture me. We just loved to be around each other, cook meals together, watch TV together, hike together. Everything was better together and we both felt it and were happier for it. Now he is gone, he is alive but no longer that person. Its like he died but he didn't. Its like he has alzheimer's but he doesn't. It is possible he could recover and call me someday but I can't assume that will ever happen. I sent him 2 text messages and tried to call one day but he didn't answer and has never tried to contact me since the night he attacked me. I am back in the US now trying to move on but struggling and hurting so much. I wanted to be with him. I wanted a chance to really be with him and it was all taken away with that fall and now I don't know if he will ever be ok, ever enjoy life again. its so sad for the loss of our love, our friendship and most of all of his life. I don't know how to do this, I don't know how to stop crying and I can't even begin to think about being close to anyone again. I want to call him everyday, I want to get on a plane and go back to Greece to be with him, I want to fix something I have no control over. I want to just talk to him but I can't. He is obviously in a very different place, a very different person, or he would have called. I guess I am looking for any advice on how to do this, move on, stop crying, let go, think of the good times with him without dying inside. Be supportive of him from afar without feeling like I can't breath. Anything would help I think. I am a smart, strong person who has overcome many things in my life but for some reason I feel like I fell right along with him and I can't figure out how to get up. I know there are so many worse things in life and so much deeper suffering in this world but for some reason I can't get over this and feel good again. I'm trying. I'm borrowing a dog and starting therapy next week, any other advice is welcome. Thank you!! Thank you for your time! Many blessings to you!
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