J White

Hi Sfrank, Thank you so much for taking the time to contact me while in the middle of your grief. It is so hard to carry on with life, as you say. I am so sorry you lost you beloved dog too. They are definitely full family members to me and deeply loved which, as you also mentioned, is why we miss them so much when they go. Especially losing a pet to a car - the shock has been a huge factor for me too - there was no preparation, no time to come to terms with NImbus being gone...he was just gone. Nimbus was the kind of cat who would seek me out when he came in to the house - he demanded my attention and then gave me huge amounts of love. Maisie, our dog who died 3 months ago, was also the kind of dog who liked to be by my side and to make sure I was happy, her head on my lap, her paw on my leg. They were both animals who made their presence felt and who gave huge amounts of love to us. The house feels so empty without them, even though we still have another dog and cat. The remaining animals are absolutely lovely and I love them to bits, but they don't come and seek me out as much. I guess NIm and Maisie were my therapy pets and I am missing the comfort they brought. Sorry to ramble on, I hope you are having a better, calmer day. Thinking of you, Jane

Thanks CJ and Kay, I do appreciate your continued support. Am feeling exhausted this evening. Finding it hard to eat anything and I keep waking in the night, feeling physically sick and miserable. Just wish I could get past this terrible grief and move on. Thanks again ladies, Jane x

Hi Kay, Thank you again for your lovely message. Your ideas for memorials are great and I hope in time I may be able to act on them. When Maisie, my gorgeous dog, died, I made a donation to a German Shepherd Rescue organisation and I felt good about that. Just managed to phone my dad up - I haven't spoken to him since Nimbus died, although we have emailed each other. It was so hard to talk to him, because he loved Nimbus too and knew how much love I had invested in him. I ended up in floods of tears again, but I guess it's a good step. Hopefully I will have a few more good steps this week. Thank you again for your kind words and for sharing your experiences, Best wishes Jane x

Kay, Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry you had such a short time with your husband, and such shock to deal with at losing him so suddenly. I know some people would find it shocking, wrong or plain crazy that other people find the loss of an animal this devastating, but the grief is so real. As you say, the love we get from animals is unconditional and unsullied by the usual distractions which can affect human relationships. Having a bad day again, it is one week today since Nimbus died. Still can't accept it and cannot begin to move on in any way. I am hoping for a better day tomorrow. Best wishes to you, Jane x

Thanks Kay C. i am so sorry you lost your husband, that's so sad. How long had you been together? I can't begin to imagine how hard that must be. Regarding the children we foster - we actually got Nimbus after we had had the children for about 8 months. We thought it was a good opportunity to show them an example of a baby being cared for properly - fed, loved, cleaned up, guided etc. Unfortunately these children come from such a horrific background of abuse and neglect that they were not ready to learn empathy. Nimbus, and our other pets, have unfortunately been the victims of their cruelty. Luckily we have to be vigilant around them anyway so have managed to stop the cruel behaviour before it resulted in significant injury. Now the remaining animals just know, sadly, to stay away from the children. I do so appreciate your comments and support and send you best wishes, Jane x

CJ, I just viewed the you tube piece about Gabriel's Angels - oh my goodness it's amazing. What fantastic work you are doing. I have always believed that animals can reach children and adults who are shut down to everyone else. I have seen this happen in hospitals and nursing homes with amazing results. Animals offer that non-judgemental, unconditional love that everyone needs. That's what I'm missing too I guess, even though I have a loving family around me. Thank you for sharing this, it gives me hope and made me smile. Jane x

CJ and Kay C, thank you so much for your lovely messages, they have both touched me. I just thought it might be getting a little bit better every day but at the moment it feels as if it is getting worse. More painful, more empty and I feel so panicky and breathless. I think part of the problem for me is that the two children we foster have brought an enormous amount of stress and trauma (through no fault of their own) into our household. Nimbus came to us in the midst of the worst of the stress and he was the beautiful bright spot in what felt like very dark days. As time went on, he became our therapy cat, always happy to accept cuddles and to give them back, with this huge grin on his face. His life was one big bubble of love and I found him so calming. The children are very damaged and unable to form attachments, and when I had been driven to the brink of my sanity, Nimbus was there, stretched out, soft and generous, chatty and playful. He was a tonic to life. And our dog Maisie was the same - she was so sensitive to my moods and needs. So, I guess two of my biggest supports have been removed and I am left caring for children who, as you say, do not know how to behave appropriately. You are right Kay C, I will speak to them about respecting my grief and that of my husband and son. They just do not understand why we are upset. It's difficult for me because I have always had such a deep and loving connection with animals and I hoped when we fostered the children, our animals could help them in some way. They are just not able to open up to the love that animals can give. Such a shame for them. Anyway, sorry to ramble and thank you for being there. Jane

Hi Stacey and Marty, Thank you so much for taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it. I think it is too early for me to think about another animal in the home, just getting through the days is a big enough struggle at the moment. I really thought I would feel better today but I actually seem to feel worse with each day that passes. I have these horribly vivid flashbacks to rounding the corner of the road and seeing Nim stretched out, motionless. It was all so traumatic and I can't seem to come to terms with it on any level. I will carry on writing and reading and hoping that something will help. Thanks again both of you, Best wishes, Jane

Hi everyone, I am so bereft. On Sunday, my gorgeous cat Nimbus was hit by a car and died. He was only 18 months old and the most loving, giving and beautiful cat I have ever known. 3 months ago our beloved rescue dog Maisie had to be put to sleep after 10 yrs with us. I was absolutely heart broken by losing Maisie but I did have the slight comfort of knowing that she had a fantastic life with us for a decade. Those ten years were full of wonderful moments which I can now call upon when I am feeling sad about her. Nimbus was so young, he had barely started his life. He was blossoming into the most amazing friend. He walked around with a ridiculous grin on his face, he was so cosseted and loved by everybody. There was just something about him that made people want to cuddle and touch him. And he never got sick of it. He was a great source of healing when Maisie died. Now he is gone too. His poor brother lives with us and is wandering round looking and calling for him. I just don't know how to cope with the overwhelming grief, it almost makes me feel mad and like giving up on life. It's so hard. And none of my friends understand. a few family members are as animal mad as me, but I can't handle speaking on the phone at the moment, I just end up crying. And on top of all this, I am fostering 2 children who are very damaged. They have no feelings for animals at all and no empathy for me. I know why, but they make daily comments about Nimbus and how our other pets will be dying soon. Sorry to ramble, just having a terrible morning. Thank goodness for places like this, Jane