It's been hard to come back, because so many emotions. In just a few days, it's her birthday. I am not doing so well. Feeling pretty lost, devastated, trapped in many ways.
I wanted to say thank you for the love and care you have all shown me, and such a warm welcome.
Some days I feel strong, and others just totally a write off. TODAY IS A WRITE OFF DAY. - oh well... at least there is another tomorrow- I guess. Although at times it's hard to know why tomorrow should even matter.
I am slowly trying to do things that help, that begin some form of making a new life- but it all feels so hollow. And the isolation does not help at all. And I got myself into a new relationship- and it's been hard work and drama. I am existing that now. I don't even know how to talk about any of that, and how it came about. All I know is that this new person has not allowed any room for my grieving, and even is 'scared' of my old partner! She f'n dead, and she is jealous of her. Go figure!
ah.. breathe is the moto for day. just chill and breathe. I quit my job yesterday in such a state of overwhelm. need to figure out what I do now.!!!!!!! I have so fallen apart... and then I get things together a bit, and it all falls apart as I fall apart in deep grief again. I am sure my Lynx would be devastated to see how much I am struggling with the loss of my love, my soul mate, my best friend, and the only person who has ever REALLY understood me so deeply and perfectly. It was a match made in heaven as the expression goes. A far cry from the relationship I have been in recently.
I'm so sad. I miss her so much. and I hardly know how to even grieve this from here. Acceptance is the goal. Finding ways to move forwards with meaning in life again is the other goal.
My compassion to you all as you walk this painful pathway,
LOH
(I'm sorry that i am not in a place to be able to do much supporting of others right now. I know that will change, but right now- I'm an empty vessel in need I guess. Hard to accept- but it is the truth of where I am at. )